How to handle touchy work situation re: announcing

Pamela05 · August 2010

We haven't told our work group yet that I'm pregnant (DH and I work in the same group with 3 other people). I was planning to tell in the next couple of weeks as we're finding out the gender and my bump is getting more noticeable even to a bunch of oblivious men.

Unfortunately, one of my coworker's son just passed away this weekend after a long battle with cancer (he was in his 30's I believe). We've known it was coming any day, but of course that doesn't make it easier to take. This coworker typically works out of the office so I don't seem him but every few months.

I'm not sure how I should time bringing up our good news in light of the solemn atmosphere now. Any ideas for how long would be appropriately respectful before mentioning it to the two in office (I think I'm going to do it one on one now and not at a staff meeting)? Should I ever mention it directly to the third or just let the word spread naturally (or he finds out when he next comes here in October and I'm obviously showing)?

Annabelle0211 · August 2010

I would go ahead and tell them but just not make a huge to do about it. I also would probably let it get back to the person that lost his son through word of mouth. It may be putting him on the spot to tell him face to face because it may trigger sadness even though I'm sure he wants to be happy for you.

bunnie712 · August 2010

That's tough. At least you are considerate of your coworker's feelings (in my short time of "knowing you" from the boards, I expect nothing less).

Two of our work friends had a parent pass away within the same week (the two friends are not related). This happened the week that we planned our announcement party for. We had a party at our house with our close work friends and told everyone there before announcing in general at work the following Monday. Announcement was done by bringing in treats (oreo truffles...yum) and me wearing a T-shirt to spell it out. DH works one aisle over and just sat at his desk waiting of the news to trickle out and people to stop by and see him. The party was already set and the two invitees declined the notice, but for reasons unrelated to the death of their parent. One attendee went to his grandson's birthday party and the other had already planned to have a fish fry at their house.

My situation was different since the parents that passed away were in their 70s/80s and were essentially taken by age. Losing a child is an entirely different affair. I think waiting at least two weeks would be enough buffer. If you aren't super close to the coworker that works from home, then I would just let them find out by word of mouth. If you are close to them, you could send them an email so that they can absorb the news at their own pace and still feel like you wanted to be personal about it and be the one to tell them.

Good Luck!

Pamela05 · August 2010

Thanks ladies. I was not close with the coworker in question. 2 weeks is what I was thinking, but just wanted some confirmation on that. I'm sure it would be an entirely different response if I worked in a group with women, but considering they are all middle-aged men, I don't think I'll hurt anyone by waiting to tell them or letting word of mouth make it's way around.

bunnie712 · August 2010

lol, ya guys don't take that stuff too personally. The men are probably just happy to have you tell them so they don't have to ask a female coworker if you are pregnant or if you just had too many tacos over the past few months.

PiscesFish · August 2010

I agree it says a lot about you that your character that you are taking your coworker's feelings into account so much. I agree with not making a big to-do.

That said - is it possible your coworker may feel more isolated/shut out (which losing a child can do that to someone) if he's the only one you don't tell face to face?

njmoh · August 2010

when are you getting the anatomy scan. I think if you wait until after that you should be ok

Pamela05 · August 2010

njmoh:
when are you getting the anatomy scan. I think if you wait until after that you should be ok

It should be during the 1st two weeks of September. Waiting to hear back from the specialist that they got the orders from my regular OB.

msbride20 · August 2010

I would definitely tell the person that just lost their son one on one. I have a coworker who lost a pregnancy last year, and she's still taking things day by day. Knowing that I was able to be extra sensitive when I told her. The problem with telling the news in a staff meeting is that everyone else may not be so sensitive and make your grieving coworker feel that much worse

msbride20 · August 2010

I would definitely tell the person that just lost their son one on one. I have a coworker who lost a pregnancy last year, and she's still taking things day by day. Knowing that I was able to be extra sensitive when I told her. The problem with telling the news in a staff meeting is that everyone else may not be so sensitive and make your grieving coworker feel that much worse. And depending on how close you are to this coworker, letting them hear by word of mouth might be kind of hurtful

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