Community› The Bump Message Boards› Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
New Discussion

Helping a friend with her loss

SagenhaftSagenhaft member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

I'm a senior in college and a classmate of mine lost her baby on Saturday, about a month before she was due. I'm not close enough with her to visit her in the hospital, but I have known her for 2 years and I would like to do something to express my sympathy. Would it be appropriate to send her a copy of "An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination" by Elizabeth McCracken? I've heard many people highly recommend it, but I don't want to come across as uncaring or inappropriate.

 

If something else would be more helpful (like a fruit basket), then I can do that. I am open to suggestions. What would be best?

 

TIA.

I love someone with Autism
 Etsy shop
Report Reply to Post

Re: Helping a friend with her loss

  • bethskyebethskye

    Thanks for stopping by to ask.  Your friend is lucky to have you.  I haven't read that book, but others here have recommended it highly.  I got "I'll Hold You in Heaven" from a friend, and I greatly appreciated the gift.  I think that gift would be very appropriate.

     The most helpful gifts that I received were meals during my recovery, the book, and my friends who remembered my little girl after the funeral was over and everyone else seemed to have forgotten her.

    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • SagenhaftSagenhaft member

    Thanks ladies. I'll send her the book with a note letting her know it may be too soon to read. When she gets out of the hospital, I'll be sure to drop off some dinner for her and her husband.

     

    :)

    I love someone with Autism
     Etsy shop
    Report Reply
  • a&b=him&mea&b=him&me member
    imagelrachelle80:

    That book is AMAZING. Let her know that it might be too fresh to read it now, but that you've heard great things about it when she's ready.   Take her and her family dinner or something if you can. She will have all the normal recovery time with a delivery without a new little one at home to take her mind off of it, and that can be one of the hardest things.  Ask about the baby. Ask what they named it, what he/she looked like, if they got to spend time with the baby, if they took pictures....although it can be hard to hear about, feeling like we can't talk about our babies is devastating. We loved them and thought they were beautiful.   And continue to ask, about the baby and about here, for a long time to come. Drop her a note, a text, a FB wall message that says that you're thinking about her.  Thinking everyone has already moved on while you're still deep in the throes of grief is hard as well. Remember to check in with her on the baby's original due date - that's going to be a really hard milestone to face (maybe send flowers, just let her know that YOU know it's a hard date and that you're thinking of her and her baby - use the baby's name).  Six months and a year will also be hard, so try to remember to check in at those times too.

    You're a great friend for checking. 

    Lara summed this up PERFECTLY!

    Hi, I'm Amanda :)

    Remembering Evelyn and raising Bailey
    Evelyn Born at 24wks 6days on May 22, 2010 due to pre-e Passed away May 25, 2010

    BFP# 2 Delivered 6wks early due to preeclampsia
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
    Photobucket

    Report Reply
  • angiemedic56angiemedic56
    imagelrachelle80:

    That book is AMAZING. Let her know that it might be too fresh to read it now, but that you've heard great things about it when she's ready.   Take her and her family dinner or something if you can. She will have all the normal recovery time with a delivery without a new little one at home to take her mind off of it, and that can be one of the hardest things.  Ask about the baby. Ask what they named it, what he/she looked like, if they got to spend time with the baby, if they took pictures....although it can be hard to hear about, feeling like we can't talk about our babies is devastating. We loved them and thought they were beautiful.   And continue to ask, about the baby and about here, for a long time to come. Drop her a note, a text, a FB wall message that says that you're thinking about her.  Thinking everyone has already moved on while you're still deep in the throes of grief is hard as well. Remember to check in with her on the baby's original due date - that's going to be a really hard milestone to face (maybe send flowers, just let her know that YOU know it's a hard date and that you're thinking of her and her baby - use the baby's name).  Six months and a year will also be hard, so try to remember to check in at those times too.

    You're a great friend for checking. 

    My husband and I keep thinking everyone gets to go on with their normal lives and we are stuck here in our misery. The above advice is perfect. You are so sweet to ask. 

    Report Reply
  • betizzle73betizzle73

    I am so sorry for your friend's loss, and I think it's so wonderful that you want to help her. I lost my daughter about 6 weeks before I was due. I don't have anything new to add, because what lrachelle said was FABULOUS, however emphasize even more how important it is to check on your friend after its been a little bit. The feeling that everyone has forgotten about your baby and what you've been through a few months afterwards is AWFUL. don't assume that because your friend is acting more like "herself" that she is back to normal, because she won't be. No matter what you do, if its from the heart she'll know it and appreciate it. 

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    image
    click the button above to read my blog!
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Report Reply
  • Bsgirl143Bsgirl143
     She is lucky to have a friend like you.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"