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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
Suparstarz714
member
lets talk discipline....
Suparstarz714
member
so it has finally become a problem (my DS's behavior) and I think I need to start showing him it is unacceptable.
He is BITEING- at first it was just me, now he is biteing other children, pulling their hair, knocking them down, and taking toys from them.
What should I do? He is only 13 months, I don't even know where to begin. I try telling him no with a serious face (trying to show him it ISN"T funny) but he just laughs (and than will bite me, hit me or pull my hair :-( ). Should I start with a Timeout?
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Re: lets talk discipline....
I will admit I tapped DS's hand once- but he just LAUGHED! Like it was supposed to be funny...
I don't know what you should do, but research shows that physical punishment (hand slapping, spanking, etc.) increases aggressive behavior in the long run. And how does that even make sense - don't hit me but it's okay if I hit you?? I think the best way to teach a child appropriate behavior is by modeling it.
As for what you should do, I'd be looking for a reason behind the behavior. He is still so young - too young to be purposefully hurting the way an older child might. All he knows is that his behavior is getting a certain reaction, whether it's attention or he's just experimenting or limit-testing. Is he doing it when he's cranky? Then find a reason for the crankiness and try to deal with that (i.e. not sleeping enough, not eating properly, not getting enough attention, overstimulated, etc). Anyway, I'm certainly no expert nor pretending to be - but I'd find a reason for the behavior and address that before attempting to "discipline" a 13 month old.
Very well said. I totally agree.
First, at 13 months distraction and redirection is really your only option. Kids don't have the recall ability to predict cause and effect until sometime between 18-24 months. Timeouts won't work to deter behavior until then.
Second, STOP HITTING YOUR BABY. "Tapping" a 13 month old on the hand, spanking, whatever. Quit it. Its the lazy parents way out to hit a BABY instead of dealing with the annoying behaviors lovingly.
When DD was that age and she would hit or bite I would look her right in the face and tell her 'No! we don't hit, bite etc. We do nice!" and I would demonstrate "nice" i I would do that every time she bit or hit and eventually when she hit or biti she would come right over and rub my face or arm or where ever she hit and say "niiiiice" like she finally realized she shouldn't have done that. Eventually she stopped hitting all together.
Now that she is a little older, when i discipline her I always make sure that she looks me in the eye/face. . When she does something worng I will tak her aside and say 'Look at mommy. And when she is looking at my face I explain we don't do XYZ for XYZ reason" The whole looking in my face thing has actually worked a lot b/c she is actually concentrating on what I am saying to her rather than not paying attention and just trying to run off.
We have a similar issue in our house. DD will "claw" at our faces and hit. Anyway, we say "No, hitting hurts Mama. Niiiice hands" and then we demonstrate what a "nice hand" does.
It does work, at least for a minute until she does it again. But I figure at some point she'll actually learn. I agree with the pp, though, that figuring out what's behind the behavior is important. We know DD does this most when she's frustrated, hungry, or tired.
Oh, also - if she hits me while I'm holding her, I put her down...partly for my safety (she has scratched me in the eye before), and partly as a quasi-time-out while I explain to her what nice hands are.
I completely agree with all of this. I can tell you what I do with my DS when he bites.
Usually if I'm holding him and he bites me, I put him down on the ground and walk away from him for a minute or so. He gets upset, but he realizes that biting will result in mommy not wanting to be around him. Afterwards I pick him up and give him snuggles.
We have also figured out that DS bites/pinches, etc, for one of two reasons. Either he wants our attention (he has been playing alone for awhile) or he is tired (he usually starts to bite and act out right before his bedtime).
I wouldn't spend too much time worrying about "disciplining" your LO at this age; they aren't being defiant or disobeying you - they are just frustrated and don't know how else to express it.
You need to look at when/why your LO is biting/hitting and intervene before things become an issue - i.e. is your LO tired/hungry/bored or are there not enough good toys for him and his playmates so that they aren't fighting over who gets what? I dont' think you are doing any harm w/ t/o's at this age, but I don't think they are effective either adn they tend to help you calm down more than anything. I'm not a fan of hitting LOs either, but I have swatted a hand a few times when something was very dangerous - reaching for the stove, etc. You need to just keep a closer eye on what your LO is doing and prevent problems rather than punishing after the fact. Also - biting and hitting are totally appropriate for this age - so you won't totally eliminate it.
I use a calm tone (no different from my everyday talking voice), "biting hurts- we need to be gentle to our friends/family like this___(model gentleness)"
Repeat until desired behavior is achieved by the child-- they will naturally outgrow phases like that rather quickly. Especially at 13 months.
This. If DD is hitting her brother or anyone else in aggression I pick her up, tell her NO and set her away from everyone else on the floor. She throws a tantrum and screams and then after a bit she gets up and goes about her business. I do not pay attention to her tantrum though at all. If she gets up and comes to me then I will give her a hug and give her something else to play with at that time once the tantrum is over.
DS started biting very early. I have to say that I tried EVERYTHING and nothing worked. Someone told me to put a dab of hot sauce on his tongue when he bit and honestly I did it! I only had to do it twice and he never bit again.....until 4 years later when he was wrestling with DH
I agree with OP that children need discipline early before it becomes a real problem. I think my son is too young to understand time out and I don't think a tap on the hand would register as a punishment. When DS does something I don't want him to, I tell him no in stern voice and if he doesn't stop right away I take him away from what he was doing and sit him in the middle of the floor and walk away. He knows from my tone and body language that he is in trouble. He'll usually cry for a minute, which is how long he would be in time out anyway and then he moves on with his day. We have been doing this for about 6 months and he is fairly obedient.
I do not agree with hurting children. I think that if you want to punish your child you need to be creative in coming up with somthing that is unpleasant for them without hurting them. This gets harder as they get older but that is one of the challenges of parenting.
Is there any common denominator in when he is getting aggressive? I know our son will bite when he is getting a tooth so we pull him away and give him a teething toy and say bite this. That helps, and we find the biting goes away when the tooth comes in.
Other children are more aggressive when tired, having trouble sharing, etc. I would try to find the cause of the behavior and work on fixing that. Otherwise, you might be able to stop one "bad" behavior, but another will pop up as a way for your child to deal with the underlying issues.