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Okinawa, Japan

hesherherohesherhero member
in Military Families

Hi Ladies,

 My husband just got to Okinawa, Japan on unaccompanied orders. It was much easier to deal with being away from each other before we found out I was pregnant. We decided it wouldbe best  to get married before he left instead of after he got done with his year there now that I am pregnant. We figured we would just do this year and not have his orders changed  since we would have to stay there for 3 years instead of 1. He called me the other night upset and said that he changed his mind and was going to talk to some people to see if there was anyway to get me over there. I tried telling him that it was probably too late. He's convinced since he is married now and expecting a child they may make an execption, I'm not counting on it happening at all.  I really wanted to go with him at first and he thought maybe I should stay here, but now I'm starting to think he was right maybe he should just do this year alone and I stay here with my family and him just come home in February for the birth. Don't get me wrong I want to be with him so bad right now. But, I'm not sure I can handle being in Japan for 3 years with my first baby and  alone. If I wasn't pregnant it would be a completely different story I would have gone in a heartbeat. I'm just thinking what would be best for me and the  baby right now and I'm not sure that being there for 3 years is. Just looking for advice and maybe what would you do if you were in this position.

 

Thank you!!
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Re: Okinawa, Japan

  • leslie13510leslie13510

    Well, for me it would be more important for my husband to be with his baby for the first 3 years than to have help from my family.  If I had the option to accompany him it would be an easy decision for me.  While it's hard to live away from all your family when you have a small baby or two, I cannot IMAGINE living away from my husband during that time if I had the option to be with him.  He is going to miss so much of that important initial bonding.  It's one thing to miss a year due to a deployment, but to miss most of the first 3 years for no real reason?  Cannot.imagine.

    You should probably see first if you even can join him (either while pregnant or after the birth) before worrying too much about it though.

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  • hesherherohesherhero member

    I think you misunderstood. He's only there for 1 year if I do not go over there, but if I were to go over there it would be changed to 3 years.There is noway I would be away from him for 3 years baby or not. If he does this year alone we are thinking that he will come home for the birth in February.  We already talked to the doctor about being induced if possible and they said that they could that. The baby will probably already be  at least 6 months before he gets to come home for good. We are not too happy about that. When I hear from him again hopefully with in the next day or two he will have had a  chance to talk to someone about it.

     

     

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  • leslie13510leslie13510

    Ohhhhh ok, I did misread and that's a little better.  I would probably still try to see if he could get his orders changed for me to come over there, but I'm one of those people who would love to have the experiences of living in other places and Japan sounds pretty awesome.  If that's not your thing, then it's not.  I think this is a decision that only you and your husband can make either way. 

    If your biggest concern is how difficult it would be to raise a baby away from your family, I can say from experience that it's really not as difficult as most people imagine it to be.  I mean yes, it would be nice to be able to have grandma come over to visit them whenever (well it would be nice for the kids anyway LOL), or to have our parents nearby to babysit if we need them to, but really it's not a huge deal to not have that help.  You will be amazed at the amount of support you'll find in a military community, and also the childcare options you have on base.  You won't have to raise your child alone in that type of atmosphere unless you choose to. 

    Also, depending on where else he gets stationed after this year in Japan, you may still end up far away from your family for years at a time.  Not going to Japan isn't a guarantee that you'll be close to your family. 

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  • Lissa832Lissa832 member
    imagehesherhero:

    I think you misunderstood. He's only there for 1 year if I do not go over there, but if I were to go over there it would be changed to 3 years.There is noway I would be away from him for 3 years baby or not. If he does this year alone we are thinking that he will come home for the birth in February.  We already talked to the doctor about being induced if possible and they said that they could that. The baby will probably already be  at least 6 months before he gets to come home for good. We are not too happy about that. When I hear from him again hopefully with in the next day or two he will have had a  chance to talk to someone about it.

     


     

    To me, it doesn't matter.  I would rather go three years without seeing my family and raising DS alone than 1 year without my DH.  IMO, your DH should be more important than anything else right now.  If you have the opportunity to go to Japan, then I'd go.  You'll never be able to get that year back, and it will be so difficult for him to have to miss anything in your chid's life.

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  • alioopsiedaisyalioopsiedaisy member

      If you have the opportunity to go to Japan, then I'd go.  

     

    This. There wouldn't be any decisions to be made about this in my mind. for you it may be different. For me, I married into the military knowing I'd have to make these decisions (to follow him, regardless if I have family around). 

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  • livinginokinawalivinginokinawa
    How long has he already been here? It may not be too late, but it could be a battle to get you here. Like a couple of months, but so worth it. Then your DH would he able to see the birth instead of trying to make it back to see the birth and possibly missing it. My DH and I tried to plan R&R around my due date and my son came two days before he got home. My daughter came 7 weeks early so no planning there either. So really hard to try to plan a birth timing. I still get sad that he missed those special moments. Three years is NOT bad here. Once you get settled in and involved with your husbands unit it will be just like home, but not really (family). You can fly space-a home for 35ish so basically free. Family is nice, but once you are married he is your family. The military on Okinawa try their best to accommodate families. Marriages happen all the time and orders have to be revised. PP are right that there is no guarantee that he will go back to the states after this. I have had three soldiers leave here just to go right to the sand box. There are people here that this station will make six years overseas. Mind you Alaska and Hawaii are OCONUS. Also there is a huge chance that this will not be DH last overseas duty assignment. This is my husbands fourth overseas assignment in 8 years. So I suggest have him try to get orders changed to get you there what the worst that can happen. If I had the choice I would be where my DH is. 
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  • Fulbri05Fulbri05
    I'll be the odd person out and say that I would stay in the states for a year and just wait for him to get home. My husband is my everything, but I could handle being away from him for a year in this situation. My DH actually said that there is no way he would take me over there if he got orders because he would be too worried about me staying safe, being in an unfamiliar country, etc. Also, it may take until February (or close to it) to get you there IF they made an exception and sent you. Then you have to worry about all of the vaccinations you and baby need, passport and birth certificate for baby, not to mention any pets that you may have. Personally, it sounds like a HUGE cluster that I would not want to deal with while pregnant. Especially if he would get to come home for (or close to) the birth. If he just got there, he's only missing half a year with your child by the time he gets home. Either way, I hope you come to a decision that you both are happy with. Good luck!
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  • livinginokinawalivinginokinawa

    By the way there is nothing risky about this place. There are over 600 pregnant military spouses on island and prenatal care is good. Okinawans are peace people. The only risk here is us military. Most people who come here love it and then extend to stay longer. I have one guy on 7 years here. I think that if change were to happen it would happen fast and you would be here in two months. You have to have a government passport not a regular one, which is free, to come to Okinawa. The flight time may seem long but it was a breeze. I did it by myself with two children. If you are interested in finding out a little more about this island here is a site.

    https://okinawahai.typepad.com/ 

    Here is another site that hosts people on island that may be able to help you more. In fact there are a lot of higher ranking wives on it that know their facts about Okinawa and getting here.

    https://okinawahai.ning.com/

    Anyway's, the first link you can find all the information you can possibly imagine from eating out to PCSing here. You may even find more closure with your decision.  

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  • brookrynbrookryn

    First off, congrats on the upcoming baby & getting married :)

    My husband & I have been over here in Okinawa for almost 3 years, and we will be pcsing in October, to yet another Overseas duty station...I also just had my first baby here at the Naval Hospital.. so if you have any questions on that I am willing to answer.

    The hospital care I recieved was great, I had an extremely high risk pregnancy/ and an insane labor/delivery & delivered my baby 7 1/2 wks early. Lester USNH is a level 3 NICU, and thier NICU team is amazing. They also are the transport team for the whole entire PACAF, so they are amazing and know their stuff. If you are scared about delivering overseas, I completely understand as I was the same way, but everything worked out great and I have TONS of friends that have also had babies over here and had great experiances as well.

    Honestly, if it were me, I would come over here in a heartbeat. Not because I absolutely love it here (because in all honesty I don't, I prefer living in the states) But because I love my man and would follow him anywhere. Looking back, there is NO WAY I could have delivered our baby without him there.

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