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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
I feel like a social lepper :(
Its been a while since I have posted. Just been trying to focus on getting well and spending time with the hubby and friends. Its been a almost 7 weeks since we lost Kendall and the autopsy report still does noy have a definitive answer as to why Kendall became distressed during labor and didnt make it.. 
anyway, I was feeling really depressed today while the hubby was at work so I decided to go to surprise my coworkers at our usual lunch hangout. I have noticed that getting out amongst people who love me, helps me in my grieving process. Also I am very close with my coworkers....we love each other!!
Everyone was happy to see me healing (physically) from the c section, but my coworker who is about 5-6 months pregnant COMPLETELY ignored me. I hugged everybody and she had NO words for me. Even when we were all leaving, she walked like 20 paces in front of us and got in her car. I know in my intellectual mind she just felt like she would make me even more sad by seeing that she was showing, and she probably felt sad for me but my emotional mind is like..."hey we were good friends before I left on maternity leave, at least acknowledge me, I am the one who lost her child...say something!!!!!" I am really hurt, I have about 5 weeks left before I return to work and she will still be pregnant, which I have to deal with mentally, but now that I see that she doesnt even want to deal with me...even magnifies the fact that I feel like a social lepper because my daughter died .....should I call her? or leave it alone and deal with it when I return?
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Re: I feel like a social lepper :(
I sometimes think that pregnant women think PL/MC is contagious. She was very insensitive to you. I would leave it alone and deal with it when I returned because I wouldn't want the stress of dealing with it.
I'm sorry she acted this way. ((hugs))
We love and miss you Jillian (18w) and Peanut (6w). Welcome to our TAC miracle Jacob!
Yeah - my guess is that she didn't know what to say to you and maybe a little bit of "survivor's guilt". If it bothers you a lot (or if this will continue to bug you for the next 5 weeks) - I would suggest sending her an email or calling her.
I can tell you that I went back to work 2 weeks after I delivered my baby and it's been 3 weeks now and none of the pregnant women will even talk to me - and someone who just got back after maternity leave won't even look in my direction. I'm ok with it because none of us were really that close (and it still kills me to see a pregnant woman) - but if this is one of your close friends I can see why you are so hurt. She needs to cowgirl up and say what's on her mind and she might need your help to know it's ok to talk to you and tell you what's on her mind.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Siggy Warning~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm so sorry that your friend acted like that towards you. A lot of times people think that bad things are contagious so they tend to avoid you like, as you said, a social lepper. If she's your friend I imagine she was probably trying to shield you from her pregnant belly. While it doesn't excuse her behavior, I'm sure she was thinking of you. Are you close enough that you could email her and tell her how you're feeling?
I'm so sorry for your loss.
One of my very best friends had her son very close to when I got pregnant with Natalie. Over the course of my pregnancy she was my confident. We shared every thought, hope, and fear throughout everything. In the end when I lost Natalie, she didn't know what to think or feel. She withdrew because she didn't want to hurt me with her living son. I thought that her withdrawal was due to not wanting to have anything to do with the loss of a child.
It took a few months before she was even comfortable calling me, but when we came back together it was fine. She wanted to be there for me, but she knew that seeing her son would be painful for me. Now that she's pregnant again, I find myself in a similar scenario. I want to give her hope, but I'm also at a point where I'm finally able to talk about my experiences with Natalie, and I don't want to upset her as she approached the point where I lost my little girl.
I would talk to this co-worker and let her know what you need from her, and invite her to share the same back with you. She may be afraid of what you represent. Many women never have to deal with the realities of late loss in any sort of close way, and your story may have caused her worries that she was not ready for. She also may be worried that she is deepening your own pain by her proximity. You'll never know if you don't ask.
Even miracles take a little time - Cinderella