DH and involvement (or lack of)

nohalo21 · August 2010

The past few days I have been feeling a little down and it is all because of my DH. He has never been one to get excited over anything. Me on the otherhand can not sleep the night before my birthday, trip, etc. I am always the one to talk about the baby and it is making me upset. The other night when I felt the "kicks" with my hand I had him try and he was able to feel it. One word response and then he went to bed (typical him reaction). Since the baby's room is all painted I hung the clothes I bought up. His response, "you're cheesy" and walked away.

I know that pregnancy is a lot different on the guy but I just thought he would be a lot more involved than what he is being. I am hoping it will change as I get further along. Right now I feel alone. I talked to my mom and she said my dad was the same way. Curious to see how your DH's are handling things?

pawcall · August 2010

My husband is very much like yours. I think things feel very abstract for him, so my getting all worked up over hanging little clothes and playing with tiny diapers seems absurd. I'm trying to remember that just because he's not reacting the way I would doesn't mean he's not excited. It's frustrating, especially when I read about women with totally involved and supportive husbands

nohalo21 · August 2010

cdobry01:
My husband is very much like yours. I think things feel very abstract for him, so my getting all worked up over hanging little clothes and playing with tiny diapers seems absurd. I'm trying to remember that just because he's not reacting the way I would doesn't mean he's not excited. It's frustrating, especially when I read about women with totally involved and supportive husbands

Let's have our hubbies hang out and we will go shopping then! They can be mundane together.

atownpreggo · August 2010

My FI never acts excited about anything either. I got super aggravated when we started wedding planning, and he was the same with the pregnancy too. He has gotten better over time, and now he talks about it as much as I do. I sometimes think it's what he does when he's nervous, but who knows. Give your DH some time and he'll hopefully come around. Has he been to an ultrasound yet? That will get him excited I bet. Have you talked to him about it?

Kevin & Dominique · August 2010

All men handle situations differently, including having a baby. My DH is very excited and talks about it frequently, but that matches his personality. If I were you, I would sit him down and have a conversation about how he's feeling about becoming a dad. Maybe he doesn't know how he should show his feelings, so trying to explicitly talk about him may help and the more he does it, the more he may get used to it. I wouldn't hope it will change, because maybe he just needs a little help to express himself. I'm sure inside he is excited.

DaniGirl0517 · August 2010

:::Sending my DH on a playdate with yours!:::

My hubbie loves the phrase, "You're cheesy" and is often insensitive and seemingly unconcerned about the baby. I try to focus on the few times something happens that is endearing like when he watches a Pampers commercial and says/complains, "Now I have to pay attention to this stuff!" So somewhere in the back of their minds they are conscious of it...sometimes. I'm hoping if we find out the gender today he will feel more connected.

He was the same way with our wedding though. "Let me know when and where to show up, and what to wear." I planned everything and had to drag him to get his fitting for his tux. I hounded his groomsmen to get fitted. I bugged him to buy the groomsmen gifts which he actually did pick out on his own (reluctantly). Some guys are just that way. At least I had everything at the wedding, and now in the nursery exactly how I want it without interference. That's a plus...right?

starsmaycollide · August 2010

I think you should talk to your DH about it. I'm sure he doesn't realize this is even bugging you-but maybe he's just going to how he cares in a different way. Like you said, you know this is his personality.

My DH is really involved, but that goes with his personality/beliefs on parenting in general. He wants to be involved with it all. He's doing what feels natural to him-I'm sure your DH is just doing the same.

tulips12_30 · August 2010

UGH...mine is the same way. I know he is thrilled but I think it would take some kind of miracle (which after how long we've tried all we've gone through, I do consider this pregnancy a miracle) for him to really show his enthusiasm. And it?s been REALLY bad since football has started as he is a high school coach and he has a one track mind with this. For instance, last night I was lying on the couch and was laughing as the LO was moving all over. So I told him how amazing it feels and he says: ?Yeah, that?s neat, I wonder if I should run zone defense at tomorrow?s scrimmage?. WHAT!!!! I DON?T GIVE TWO SHI*S about your damn zone defense, but I do care that your child finally moving enough for me to feel him!! MEN!

cherryghost · August 2010

You're not the only one. It seems the only time he talks about it is when I bring it up to him. My husband isn't the most vocal/talkative person in the world so it should be interesting come Tuesday when this ultrasound gets here. Finally (hopefully) I get some emotion out of the guy. I really don't know why guys have trouble expressing feelings. I've quit trying to figure out why.

futuremrscohick · August 2010

My DH is very excited about the baby, but I think that is because he's wanted to be a dad since we got married while I didn't really make that step until about a year and a half ago. I also think it has to do with the fact that he isn't able to be around to experience anything or help get anything ready, so he might be feeling a little guilty. Normally he doesn't get very excited about things.

I can tell you he's not very "comforting" or "sympathetic" towards my morning sickness or having to get progesterone shots for the first 15 weeks! (his reaction: "Oh, Sorry babe. That sucks.")

I'm sure he's nervous and will probably be nervous until your LO gets here in January... then he'll probably turn into mush! GL... and hugs!

nohalo21 · August 2010

It's refreshing to hear that I am not alone. Yes, he goes to all the doctor's appts, was at the 2 u/s and even heard the hb. I suppose he acts the way he does since it is abstract. He will make comments how the kid will be surfing by the time he is 3 and that he should get used to Old Spice and socks for Christmas gifts. This let's me know that he does think about it and he is the first to tell everyone when we meet someone. I just want him to be a little more forth coming with things (picking out stuff, talking names). I figured he was like this with the wedding but we already were living together. I could see how a wedding would not be much excitement in the planning sense for him.

Thanks for letting me get this out there. I feel a little bit better. I plan on talking to him when he gets home. It is not fair that I keep this bottled inside and hold it against him.

SaraLynn21 · August 2010

My husband is never one to get really excited during the pregnancy. He doesn't really like discussing names, he doesn't get enthused about decorating. But I think for him it didn't feel "real" until the baby was actually here. I think for us we're feeling all the changes and to them life isn't really any different. I never thought DH was very excited with our first, but when I called him at work to say my water had broken he literally sped to our house to get to the hospital and was very excited. I think for men it may just hit them at a different time. Hang in there--I know it's hard to not have your spouse be as openly enthused about it, but it doesn't mean he isn't excited. Just wait until that baby is here!

uklawgirl · August 2010

I think my DH is still worried about us miscarrying again. He was much more excited the first time and that did not end well, so he is just getting more excited now that we got our quad screen numbers back yesterday and they were normal. I think that it's hard on guys because they see babies as responsibilities and not so much coochie-coo, at least until they get here and they can actually hold them.

izzourclue · August 2010

Sorry. Mine is super excited. He couldn't stop beaming when he felt a kick the first time. Ever since, whenever I say the baby is moving, he jumps up to sit next to me and puts his hand on my belly hoping to feel another one.

ildali · August 2010

aw sorry to hear some of you have difficulties with DH not being so involved, mine has been an angel this whole time, always making sure I am feeling as good as I possibly could be, he already bought something for our little girl he beat me to it! lol and he is ALWAYS talking to my belly soon he won?t even remember I am there, it will be all about his little girl haha

Nickey22897 · August 2010

He laughs when I put my hand on my belly (have been doing for a while now out of a habit that formed with my DD) & doesn't really ask how I am doing or anything.

I can tell you when we had our DD that was our toughest adjustment. Everyone said marriage is tough but man - nope - throw a baby in to the mix & that is the hard part. I had some serious thoughts about leaving him. I was doing everything. I had to ask him to hold her or feed her or change her. He never once just volunteered. If I wanted to go somewhere without her I had to make an arrangement around his schedule. It was just so messed up. I am not looking forward to going through that all again this time & hope he learned his lessons from all the fights we had. Life was seriously tough the first year with a newborn/infant with a dad who lacks involvement unless asked.

I hope that when he sees his child things will change for your DH as far as involvement goes {{HUGS}}. To some men - it just isn't real til they can see for themselves!

Millie07 · August 2010

BTW, I LOVE that your location is "Land of Cheesesteaks and Tastykakes".

sbkimmi930 · August 2010

I am with you all on this one. My husband was the one all excited to have a family and then when he found out.....not so much. He went with to register and all he wanted to do was tell me what NOT to get. He also goes to the appointments, but only to ask if the things I am doing are good or bad. He is more apt to point out what I should not be doing lately more than the good. I am hoping that he is just scared and will "grow" out of this stage.

Want a personalized experience?

DH and involvement (or lack of)

Re: DH and involvement (or lack of)

Choose Another Board

Search Boards