Nothing has changed for him

babyrav · August 2010

This may not sound fair... but it does bother me that my whole life has already changed while my husbands has remained the same. It makes me feel very alone in this.

We are getting ready to go on a vacation celebrating our 1st yr. as a married couple. We are rented a house with several couples for the week in Mexico. It was not our original intention to be going to Mexico while I am pregnant. The baby was @ 2 years ahead of plan but we are very happy about it. But now I can't help but fear that I am going to feel all alone on our anniversary trip b/c everyone will be so busy partying and drinking. There have been several vacations where his main concern was partying ... even our honeymoon. I have expressed this concern with him and all he says is oh stop thinking so negative. You will still have fun. He has said his main focus won't be drinking this time.

My concern isn't as much that i can't drink but that when everyone else is drinking and carrying on that I am going to feel left out on my own anniversary. When you are the sober one in the mist of a bunch of drunks its pretty hard to relate to them after several hrs of drinking.

I am trying to think positive and make the best of the trip by bringing books to occupy my time while everyone is sleeping off there hangovers. But I just can't help but get pissed that my husband won't even consider the option of not drinking with me. I know it probably sounds really unfair. But this trip was supposed to be about us. And now I feel like it will be all about the party and I will be on the sidelines.

kippersophie · August 2010

aw hun, I feel for you. I know I would feel the same way, this sounds like something my DH would do.

I dont know how your husband acts though, its entirely possible that he wont make drinking the focus of this trip. Do you think you could ask him to abstain from drinking, at least for a couple nights? Are you two going to be alone at all during your trip?

andysgirl67 · August 2010

I'm sorry. In my TTC journey thus far...I've learned that babies in general are one thing to us girls, and another to our men. Its something they can't understand or begin to understand. Maybe your DH is thinking this is kind of his last opportunity to party it up before baby arrives. Not that I'm taking his side. Believe me, if I were in your shoes, I would feel the same way you do. (My DH ditched me while we were in Puerto Rico a few years ago to drink with his brother. After he promised he would be right back from the bathroom before we went to bed. 3 hours later, I'm still laying in bed half naked waiting for him to come back.......still pretty bitter about that one.)

Do you think he'd be willing to compromise and maybe spend a little time just the 2 of you spending time together on vacation before your baby arrives? Maybe that's a different way of asking him to not drink without really asking him no to. I know with my DH its always better if I can make it sound like its HIS idea in the first place. I love him to death, don't get me wrong, but he can test me sometimes!!! Good luck and congratulations on your baby!

babyrav · August 2010

Yeah thanks for all the understanding. He has agreed that on our anniversary we will have a whole day just the two of us and it will be an alcohol free day!

We are going to go on an all day excursion and have a romantic dinner. If all goes as planned that will make all the difference in the world! I hope he sticks to it.

He knows that i was really disappointed about how focused he was on alcohol on our honeymoon and has promised to never repeat it again.

Now all I can do is hope and pray (partially for his own damn sake) that he can stick to it.

I mean I am not going out and drinking for 9 months. I am only asking for 1 full day and night.

hollerjeepgirl · August 2010

Make your own fun, go out and do things YOU want to do and leave him in the dust. I'm cruel like that but I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Just think that you're going to Mexico and it's gorgeous!!

Alysia1708 · August 2010

First of all congrats on the baby on the way! I understand the delay in almost every couple Ive heard of conceiving unplanned or planned, the men always seem to be ready for the changes much later than us women. Perhaps because of them being unable to experience the same feelings we feel throughout pregnancy?, after all we are the ones with the hormones, the growing bodies, and the babymovements we experience much sooner than they can see, and lets not forget the not so fun symptoms of morning sickness a lot of women experience. Putting that aside there is no excuse for a married man to not want to go through the ups and downs with you. Talking about this will let him know that you want him to be there all the way through and possible setting aside alone time to do something else where drinking isn't the only fun thing to do in Mexico, it would be a nice way to celebrate your anniversary..after all your wedding anniversary isn't meant for anyone else but you and your hubby

I could suggest something my hubby and I did throughout pregnancy and celebrating our anniversary was a spa date for just the two of us with male and female treatments which can be customized for the two of you and completely safe during pregnancy

enjoying a couples massage and a manicure/pedicure (men will love a pedicure just the same as a women without the polish of course! ) and after wards enjoy a romantic meal just the two of you .. If your not into the spa treatments you could always plan a romantic guided tour seeing some sites..but my suggestion is make the time for just two of you without the accompanied friends ( they won't mind!) Goodluck and I hope you have a fun and romantic anniversary trip.

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