DH is annoyed w/ TTC process & our relationship. :o(

babes12 · August 2010

So this has been what i've been trying to avoid and i knew in my heart this day was coming. DH expressed his feelings about how our lives have been consumed w/ TTC and how our sex life is definitely paying the price for it. He thinks i only want to do the deed during "fertile" times. Which in my mind is not true. I couldn't do the deed after O b/c my area was getting irritated each month but i just learned that it was most likely a recurring YI. So it's not like i was avoiding sex w/ DH b/c i wanted to, i was in pain and uncomfortable.

So of course the conversation upset me so bad. why can't men understand or be supportive of us. we are going thru this together and i just wish i could talk to DH about my frustration w/ the process and not feel like he's going to turn around and say how bad it's making our relationship etc...

I just feel like ever since my C-section things haven't been working properly. i wish i could just talk to my OB about it but i'm sure they won't even bother w/ me since i was just pg. in Apr/May. sigh.

thanks for listening to me ramble. i just need to get it out.

KristysRedBarn · August 2010

I'm so sorry. It's very frustrating to feel like your alone in the process. Did he say how he wants to make things better or offer any suggestions?

babes12 · August 2010

KristysRedBarn:
I'm so sorry. It's very frustrating to feel like your alone in the process. Did he say how he wants to make things better or offer any suggestions?

I asked him what he wanted me to do? i mean, what can i do? i don't temp anymore, i try not to talk about it w/ him so he doesn't get annoyed w/ it. this process just sucks! All he wants is more sex. Typical male. he's getting more sex now than in our entire relationship i just can't do it after O. sigh. i'm sick of him and his penis. LOL!

babygirlpriest · August 2010

I'm so sorry sweetie! I think we all, to varying degrees, understand having a DH who get's fed-up with what happens to our sex life when TTC.

So this YI you keep getting - are you able to prevent it? Was this the thing making you uncomfortable post O? That would solve the 'no sex post O' problem... but I'm sorry he's not being as supportive as you need right now.

AppleRidge · August 2010

That's so frustrating. It's not fair that the burden of all of this TTC stress tends to fall disproportionately on the woman. Not only do we have to be consumed with the stress that goes along with TTC and loss, but we have to make sure we're emotionally and physically "normal" for our husbands. I hope there's some way you can make him understand.

Would it be possible to take a couple of days alone by yourselves? It might help to reconnect a bit outside of regular life.

babes12 · August 2010

babygirlpriest:

I'm so sorry sweetie! I think we all, to varying degrees, understand having a DH who get's fed-up with what happens to our sex life when TTC.

So this YI you keep getting - are you able to prevent it? Was this the thing making you uncomfortable post O? That would solve the 'no sex post O' problem... but I'm sorry he's not being as supportive as you need right now.

actually ever since the D&C i have not had the irritation after O. However, this cycle i got a YI in the beginning of my cycle and the OB gave me diflucan and after O i was ok. so we did manage to do the deed once. LOL! i'm just horrified of getting that irritation again b/c it's so bothersome. i was getting them every month after O for a year! docs kept telling me it was the hormone change but nobody ever saw me. and when i got the YI in the beginning of this cycle it's exactly how i'd feel post O so i know now, that i was getting YI's every single cycle! my body hates me. (

babes12 · August 2010

BBHME:

That's so frustrating. It's not fair that the burden of all of this TTC stress tends to fall disproportionately on the woman. Not only do we have to be consumed with the stress that goes along with TTC and loss, but we have to make sure we're emotionally and physically "normal" for our husbands. I hope there's some way you can make him understand.

Would it be possible to take a couple of days alone by yourselves? It might help to reconnect a bit outside of regular life.

You hit the nail on the head. this entire process is so draining and i think especially more for the female. ( not to mention add in other daily stressors like finances, work etc... i think we're both just drained.

we're going on vacation in 2wks so hopefully we can relax and enjoy ourselves. of course we'll most likely be in the 2ww then so sexy time may not be occurring too often. lol

sunshinenva · August 2010

I am sorry to hear DH just added to your stress level. I don't understand why is it that TTC is always "our stress"? I think if our DHs stressed just a fraction of what we did they would not have these "I'm not happy" episodes because they would be in the fight for children with us.

I find that DH is usually laid back about the whole TTC, but I have to keep myself calm. I do find that I focus on having sex when I am ovulating and not like in the past "fun sex". Its hard to find a balance. In your case I feel so bad because you are struggling with another recent loss, YI and the stress of TTCAL and no DH "not happy".

I would say take a vacation, but I just realized I hate when people tell me that because the vacation doesn't solve anything. I say talking to DH is the best thing and if needed a counselor to help sort out the emotions.

Again I am sorry sweetie. You are always in my T&P.

3ltlones · August 2010

I'm sorry. I know that DH and I have had the conversation several times about not having enough sex. Even though like you said it's more than ever before

For me I couldn't turn my mind off about everything that was going on in life and just enjoy the process, he though had no problem with that part. I hope that things turn around and he understands everything soon, I'm sorry.

babes12 · August 2010

sunshinenva:

I am sorry to hear DH just added to your stress level. I don't understand why is it that TTC is always "our stress"? I think if our DHs stressed just a fraction of what we did they would not have these "I'm not happy" episodes because they would be in the fight for children with us.

I find that DH is usually laid back about the whole TTC, but I have to keep myself calm. I do find that I focus on having sex when I am ovulating and not like in the past "fun sex". Its hard to find a balance. In your case I feel so bad because you are struggling with another recent loss, YI and the stress of TTCAL and no DH "not happy".

I would say take a vacation, but I just realized I hate when people tell me that because the vacation doesn't solve anything. I say talking to DH is the best thing and if needed a counselor to help sort out the emotions.

Again I am sorry sweetie. You are always in my T&P.

fun sex is long gone for us. LOL i'm hoping our vacation come sept. will help us reconnect and relieve some of our stress.

thanks for understanding.

Court1 · August 2010

Ditto what everyone else says. I'm sorry we all have to go through this, the same thing is happening at our house.

I do think that even though you were pg a few months ago, it might not be a bad idea to get a referral to a RE. With your history I would think they could provide some insight/testing options where the OB is lacking. We're starting with one soon.

ERICA21779 · August 2010

Im sorry that you have this added to the already pre-existing stress.......if this is his sole complaint, that you only want to bd during "fertile" times, I would take away the knowledge of when your "fertile" time is. This works for my dh and I. He has no clue when my fertile time is because I don't tell him. It has made bd'g a lot more fun.....He is on a need to know basis and it makes it easier for me to vent to him......because he doesn't feel like our lives are consumed with TTC........even though I know the truth.

I agree with PP's.....it is unfair that it does feel like this is all on us and they get off easy.

mdm2137 · August 2010

I'm sorry you're having a rough time. DH and I have had the same discussion. I know in our case he still doesn't get the whole FWP week and thinks we can just have sex whenever we want and get pregnant. I've tried to explain to him that's not how it works but he still gets upset. I guess I get it, because I won't approach him as much when it's not FWP week. Maybe you and your DH can go out on a date (not during FWP) and have a night to just be together without talking about TTC? I know that won't fix the whole problem, but it might help. ((hugs)) I hope you get it worked out.

Mocha Girl · August 2010

I'm sorry Sad That's kind of unfair that he is expecting more sexy time when you're dealing with YI's. Have you talked to him about how uncomfortable those can be? It can be painful to BD with a YI and surely he wouldn't want you to be in pain while he gets to have pleasure... Maybe you can come up with a compromise and do "something else" during your 2ww?

GL - I hope you enjoy your vacation!

babes12 · August 2010

i honestly think DH forgets about the YI's i've been having b/c he's only concerned about one thing and that's his penis. once i bring that up then he gets quiet so i know he's forgotten. meanwhile for me it's burned into my brain since it was occurring for a year straight! blah.

babes12 · August 2010

Court1:

Ditto what everyone else says. I'm sorry we all have to go through this, the same thing is happening at our house.

I do think that even though you were pg a few months ago, it might not be a bad idea to get a referral to a RE. With your history I would think they could provide some insight/testing options where the OB is lacking. We're starting with one soon.

well here's my dilemma. my old OB who i went to by accident during my episode w/ YI's said he'd refer me to an RE if i'm not pg. by Dec. and my current ob has never even mentioned an RE and i think he thinks we're fine b/c when we talked to him about DH getting a SA he said that we've been pg. twice and DS wasn't even 3 yet so he thought that wasn't the problem.

So i could call my old OB and see if there's something they can do now to help me out w/ an RE instead of waiting till dec. i don't know what to do. i have decided to give it one more month on our own and then make the decision since i'll be on vacation this cycle anyway. i really hope i can be referred to an RE b/c i just feel like something is off. (

ade2be · August 2010

I'm sorry. TTC is so consuming, that is for sure. Since my DH has sperm issues, he was given docotor's orders to BD at most once every other day....and that really bothered him because it was "doctor's orders" to our sex life. I can kinda understand, but to me, no big deal. He knows he gets it more during FWP week (although no this cycle) and then it tails off. He still complains some, but not a lot. I agree that a vacation may help reconnect some.

As for the RE...you may want to check with your insurance company (I just went through this). My insurance doesn't require a referral to an RE at all. When I called up the 2 different REs, neither of them asked if I had been referred to them. So if insurance doesn't need it, I'm not sure its a big deal...you could just choose to go to an RE and skip the middle man (your OB). Given your history with pregnancy loss and short LPs and such, I don't think an RE would think you didn't belong there. Know what I mean?

Scout05 · August 2010

I am so sorry, hon. This process just takes such a toll, on everything.

babes12 · August 2010

ade2be:

I'm sorry. TTC is so consuming, that is for sure. Since my DH has sperm issues, he was given docotor's orders to BD at most once every other day....and that really bothered him because it was "doctor's orders" to our sex life. I can kinda understand, but to me, no big deal. He knows he gets it more during FWP week (although no this cycle) and then it tails off. He still complains some, but not a lot. I agree that a vacation may help reconnect some.

As for the RE...you may want to check with your insurance company (I just went through this). My insurance doesn't require a referral to an RE at all. When I called up the 2 different REs, neither of them asked if I had been referred to them. So if insurance doesn't need it, I'm not sure its a big deal...you could just choose to go to an RE and skip the middle man (your OB). Given your history with pregnancy loss and short LPs and such, I don't think an RE would think you didn't belong there. Know what I mean?

i have HMO insurance so i'm guessing i may need a referral. but it doesn't hurt to look into this. thanks for the info. )

summerbee1 · August 2010

I'm so sorry. TTC with issues is a really huge stress on relationships. And being in pain while BDing is soooo not fun, so I can totally understand what you're feeling about not wanting to do it more.

We're having a similar problem, but reversed! DH never wants to have sex!!! I know he's really tired and we've both been working a lot, but I've been carrying ALL the load for the past year (keeping up with fertile times as well as taking care of getting him "in the mood") and we occasionally have fun sex when he's in the mood. I'm tired of it. And I know he is less willing to have sex because he knows he HAS to do it because I say I'm fertile. Even worse because it's MY suggestion (my DH has reverse psychology issues).

It gets old.

It's a real pain in the a$$. Good thing we're all very persistent ladies here! One day...

babes12 · August 2010

summerbee1:

I'm so sorry. TTC with issues is a really huge stress on relationships. And being in pain while BDing is soooo not fun, so I can totally understand what you're feeling about not wanting to do it more.

We're having a similar problem, but reversed! DH never wants to have sex!!! I know he's really tired and we've both been working a lot, but I've been carrying ALL the load for the past year (keeping up with fertile times as well as taking care of getting him "in the mood") and we occasionally have fun sex when he's in the mood. I'm tired of it. And I know he is less willing to have sex because he knows he HAS to do it because I say I'm fertile. Even worse because it's MY suggestion (my DH has reverse psychology issues).

It gets old.

It's a real pain in the a$$. Good thing we're all very persistent ladies here! One day...

DH tries to play that game too when he thinks it's around fertile time he tries to play hard to get. it's so annoying. why can't men just cooperate! jeez.

EntropicEpona · August 2010

I'm so sorry babes. This whole TTC thing is so draining. He needs to remember that he needs to be a team player in the whole thing, too.

As for your recurrent YIs, has your husband been checked and/or treated? You guys might be giving it to each other back and forth. Whatever it is, I hope you can get it totally gone for good!

babes12 · August 2010

ade2be- i just called and i need a referral. boo-hoo.

(

maceymay1816 · August 2010

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's so hard for men to really understand how we feel in this process. I am sending lots of hugs your way.

babes12 · August 2010

EntropicEpona:

I'm so sorry babes. This whole TTC thing is so draining. He needs to remember that he needs to be a team player in the whole thing, too.

As for your recurrent YIs, has your husband been checked and/or treated? You guys might be giving it to each other back and forth. Whatever it is, I hope you can get it totally gone for good!

no DH has never been checked out but literally for a year we have not had sex during the 2ww. i couldn't stand for him to be near me. the funny thing is that i am fine before i O. and it goes away w/ af.

and DH doesn't have anything wrong down there?? not sure how it works on a guy??

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