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Why does it feel like failure

dani_girl08dani_girl08
in North Dakota Babies
to accept help? Reese hardly slept at all last night, I am exhausted, the house needs to be cleaned, I need to do laundry, I'm starving & she won't let me put her down to eat, I've been holding her & crying for the last hour to the point that I have a screaming headache. I just spilled 4 ounces of pumped milk on the floor. My mom called to say she would be in the area & wanted to know if I wanted her to stop by or if there was anything she could help out with. I told her no, & that things were going great. Why???? Why can't I admit that I need help or that o need a break? Did anyone else go through this?
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Re: Why does it feel like failure

  • Jennifer43Jennifer43

    Sounds just like me! I feel like its my job as his mom to be able to soothe and take care of him and usually turn down help when people offer. You aren't the only one, but when I do accept help, even for 10 minutes, I feel like I can come back to him and care for him better because I can calm down and take a breath during that time. I hate handing him over to someone else while he is screaming because, while all that matters is that he calms down and stops crying, I feel like a failure if someone else can do that and I can't.

    Call mom back and ask her to come by, or have her bring you some lunch or coffee or something and just take a breather for a few. Your day will go much better.

     

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  • AshleysredAshleysred

    I hear ya sister.  I am the same way.  People offer me help all the time.  No thanks, is always my response.  I should take my own advice when I say, people probably would love to come over and hold Reese while you do the things you need to do...or even just take a nap.  I doubt anyone would pass up the opportunity!

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  • sarlahsarlah
    I'm so sorry you feel that way. :/ FWIW, as someone who isn't a parent - I think it's important for moms to ask for help when needed, and I never ever ever have looked down upon any mother who accepted help offered. So, there ya go. Obviously I have no idea what it feels like as a mother, but I don't think you sound like a failure in any way.
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  • Ms.Beachbum08Ms.Beachbum08
    holds head in shame. i am the same way with my mom. however, once you get really exhausted then you will ask for the help.
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  • BlondeBeachBride08BlondeBeachBride08

    Call her back and have her come by. You'll all feel better.

    I'm the same way. I'm not good at asking for help. My BFF is in town and I'd never asked her to get up in the night or something, or ever change a diaper. Hell, I haven't even asked her to put her dishes in the the dishwasher.

    Sorry you're having such a rough morning. :( IF your mom can't come by, take Reese for a walk around the block. She'll fall asleep and the fresh air will make you feel better. HUGS! 

    Siggy Deleted Due to Internet Stalking. Mama to Q, born July 2010
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  • Buttercup29Buttercup29

    Hugs! Hope your day gets better. And you are NOT a failure.

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers imageYet another blog
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  • sillybiochemistsillybiochemist

    Not a mom yet but I feel your pain.  I HATE asking for help even from my husband and my closest friends and family know it.  I had gall bladder surgery almost 3 years ago now and it took a lot out of me to call my dad a few days after the surgery and ask him to come up and stay with me for the weekend after he had volunteered (I was really dizzy from the anesthesia and thought I was going to fall and hurt myself).  DH was willing to stay home but trying to save up his time off for our then upcoming wedding/honeymoon.  But if I had said the word he would have stayed home (and did the first day or two after my surgery because I needed more help than I expected).

    So I know it's going to be fun after little one arrives and my mom wants to help out.  Try to accept the help that you can, even if it is so you can get a nap in.  I'm going to try and follow my own advice in a few weeks but we'll see how it goes.  A friend (and mom of a 5 year old and step mom of a 13 year old) recently told me that it's impossible to be a perfect mom but there are an infinite number of ways to be a good mom.

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  • nataliejp519nataliejp519

    I agree with Morgan, call your mom back...I'm sure you'll be happy you did.  Lots of hugs and you're a great mom!

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  • dani_girl08dani_girl08
    Thanks girls. It makes me feel better to know that I'm not alone. After I posted, Reese finally fell asleep. I put her in her crib, & she was sleeping peacefully. I hopped in the shower, & while I was rushing, I bumped my razor off the hook, & it went crashing to the ground & woke her up in the next room (through a close door). Argh. So, I decided it was time to call my mom. I didn't exactly put out a cry for help, but I told her she could stop by & see the baby when she was in the area. She'll be here at 3, so if I haven't gotten things under control by then, she will be here. :). Thanks for listening. It felt good to get it out.
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  • AshNicole331AshNicole331

    I do this too...I just can't bring myself to ask for help. I like to be in control of the situation, so if I have to ask for help then that must mean I don't have my shiit together. KWIM? Even when people offer help it's always a "No thanks, I got it". What the hell is wrong with me? lol

    Just know that I know EXACTLY how you feel. It sucks :( Let your mama come over and help!

    imageBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker ashley jordan est. 06.07.08 | siesta key, fl
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  • samantha7806samantha7806
    i do this too, and i don't even have a baby yet. my MIL offers to come over and clean my house all. the. time and it drives me bananas. i always tell her no thanks. it makes me feel like i'm not doing a good enough job or something. i know i should feel lucky that i have a MIL that actually wants to clean my house, but OMG. stop. offering.
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  • ChooGirlChooGirl

    I have zero experience, but as a non-mum, it gave me such pleasure to go and spend time with Cristina when Mari was going through a rough time. Cris and I had only met once beforehand, but we instantly bonded after I went to help with Mari. Friends forever. Sometimes you just need help-- from family, from friends, from strangers. Don't be afraid to accept it. Cristina is my momma role model and if anything I respect her more for asking for help.

    We all have our limits. You're an amazing mom, but everyone deserves an hour of sanity. 

    From Oy Vey to Ole!

    image

    I survived the RoLex wedding and all I got was this lousy husband.
    One&Only Palmilla - Los Cabos, Mexico
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  • CanadianBride84CanadianBride84 member

    Hopefully having your mom over helped.  I am glad you let her come over.

    I know with me having the c-seciton, I had to ask my mum to come to the hospital so Adam could go home and get more stuff cause I couldn't get in and outta bed with her or onto the couch with her so I needed the help.

    Mind you, now that I am home, I have yet to allow her to help out, but I think I will have her help once DH goes back to work, but I am not sure yet.

    A & T Since 2009 Parents of A born July 2010
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