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Natural Birth
~adamwife~
member
Help me with my tough decision, ladies.
~adamwife~
member
I am currently planning a homebirth, but I am having to drive 1.5 hours to see my midwife. We don't have any midwives - that practice in hospitals or otherwise - anywhere in my area, so 1.5 hours was the closest I could find to deliver at home.
I've been fine with that decision for a while, but I have my first appt tomorrow and DH and I have had a heck of a time finding sitters for the boys (because appts are in the evening during bedtime) and DH getting time off work (he has to leave early to make it to the appt). My MWs really want SOs at the appts.
DH just told me that there is no way he is going to be able to make it to every monthly appt. So I started thinking about the fact that in the winter, it may be a possibility that I will have to drive 1.5 hours alone in the snow for my prenatal appts. I don't like that.
I don't know what to do. I REALLY want a homebirth and my only other option is to find a random OB in my town and deliver at the hospital.
I don't know what to do. 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Help me with my tough decision, ladies.
I know my husband didn't really need to be at most of my midwife appointments, so he came to the first couple (which are good for him to get an idea of what to expect from them) and the odd other one here and there. Most of the time, the visits are pretty straight forward (ask if I have questions, check blood pressure, check belly, advise of next steps/stages etc.).
I would say have him come for the first one or two and maybe on the days where the snow is bad. If it's just one a month, there will probably be only a few months where the snow would be bad, and even then, you might luck out with good road conditions. Then he can come to a few near the end. Surely your midwife will understand why he can't attend all of them. Don't give up on your homebirth dream - there has to be a solution! Can you bring your kids to the appt?
I could if DH doesn't come. If DH comes, we have to schedule the appts in the evening and they are during their bedtime (my kids go down at 6:30). They aren't good carsleepers, so they would be screaming in the car and we wouldn't get home until 8:30 pm.
If DH doesn't go, I could schedule the appts earlier, but then I would be more nervous about driving on the highway in the snow because the kids are with me.
Ahhhh. There has got to be an easier way.
They are in her home. I didn't ask, but I have a feeling she won't want to drive for the appts - we have one home visit at 36 weeks, but other than that she doesn't typically do prenatals anywhere else. 1.5 hours is way further than she will usually go for births, but I think she just felt bad for me because my options are so limited in my area.
If I suck it up, I am going to have to make the appts earlier in the day. There is no way I'll drive in the dark in the snow.
Is there a birthcenter in your area you could look into?
Natural birth in a hospital is possible if you have the right support. What about hiring a doula?? You could also interview OBs maybe to find one who is supportive of natural birth, look into c-section stats, etc...
I drove 1 hour to my birthcenter and honestly even though it was a pain sometimes over time it got to be a nice little trip; I listened to cds on the way and usually got a little snack or a smoothie or something for on the way. Just drive slowly in the winter and bring your kids when you can? I don't know but good luck either way!
Loss #6 2014 Loss #7 (chemical) 2014
~DS Born! 2009~
~DD Born! 2013~
Closest birth center is over 1.5 hours away.
I've had a natural birth in a hospital with a doula, but it was with my MW. She was the last one in the area and she retired right after I had #2. I have heard horrible things about all of the other OBs in our town, and I don't feel comfortable going to any of them. We have one family doc left in town that delivers, so if she's accepting new patients I'd probably try her over anyone else.
Thanks for the advice
What a tough situation!
I'm not sure what I would do, but I think in your situation I would see if you can schedule as many appointments far in advance as possible, with the understanding they could change if your situation changes and/or the MW has a birth to attend. And then I'd ask which of those appointments your MW thinks are MOST vital for your H to attend. I know my MW had a schedule of 'topics' at each appointment, so had I wondered, say, when she would be talking about the birth kit b/c I wanted H there for that, I could have found out in advance. OR I could have asked her to talk about it at a different appointment he could attend.
My MW did Saturday appointments. Will yours? If not, I'd be sure your H can come to the first appointment, as well as any other your MW says is crucial. She wants and needs to see you two together so she can get to know your H and he can get to trust her, and so she can see you two interact and get to know your dynamic. But she doesn't NEED him at every appointment I'd think. My H and daughter came to most appointments, but sometimes he didn't come or neither came, and that was fine.
I would also see if maybe she can meet your somwhere a bit more central, like a friend's house. It may not work for her, but it cannot hurt to ask, "Do you ever do appointments outside of your office?". Maybe offer to pay her mileage?
The other option if you have insurance would be to go to an OB for most of your appointments, and request less frequent appointments with the MW if she is ok with that. It would ensure you are healthy and the pregnancy is progressing without making you drive so far every time. Perhaps she has a back-up OB in your area you can work with? You'd miss some of the important bonding that happens with a MW, but it might be a viable compromise?
Do you have a relationship with this midwife? I only ask because, for me, that would make a difference. I'm forfeiting a home birth with this one because I want to stay with my midwife who delivered DS. She does not feel comfortable with home births and I think that keeping her is worth a hospital birth.
Maybe interview with some OBs in the area (no midwifes are available?) and see if you find someone you think will be worth the switch.
Matthew Kevin
7/31/83-7/20/11
Met 1/8/00
Engaged 4/21/06
Married 9/29/07
Two beautiful legacies: Noah Matthew (2 yrs) and Chloe Marcella (8 mos)
Day Three
It sounds like you're going to have to choose the best of a bunch of kinda-crappy options.
But first, I'd call the MW who delivered your second son. If you explain the situation to her and since you already have a relationship with her, she might be willing to still attend your birth. Or she might have some other suggestions for you. Hope you find a good solution.
How late in the season does it snow in your area? Maybe you could see an OB in your town for your appointments during the heavy part of winter, but have your appointments before and after that and deliver with the midwife?
I was worried about delivering in the hospital, even though I really like my OB, until I took the hospital tour. It really put me at ease to see all of the features they had to facilitate and encourage a natural birth.
I drive over and hour just to get to my regular OB and hospital... so if you really want to go with this midwife- from my position I don't think 1.5 hrs is so bad... but I know other people are used to having everything in 5 minutes- that's a major excursion.
I live in an Amish community and there have been a few times I've driven a woman close to 2 hours to go to a midwife appointment- it used to worry me that it seemed so far to try to cooridinate that person to attend your homebirth when you couldn't even reach them by telephone- but over the years I've never seen it fail- somehow they always manage to make the connection in plenty of time.
Morgan's Birth Story: http://www.fullcirclemidwifery.com/2009/06/morgans-birth/
Chloe's Birth Story: http://www.fullcirclemidwifery.com/2012/04/chloes-birth/
I like this advice!
Also, sure, having DH there is fantastic, but if it's going to throw your whole family structure into disarray, then it's probably not worth it. I would probably stick with the MW, have my appointments during the day, and have the sitter during the day when it won't interfere with your boys' sleep schedule. I'm sure that rescheduling due to the roads will probably work too.
GL!
Personally - I would ask her if she could come to you - and that you'd be willing to pay her extra for that.
The local MW that does homebirths here will come to your home for all appointments so it will make it easy for me when that time comes.
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