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Parenting after 35
NBR: I am SO angry/upset
My boys have gone back to NC. DH and I decided after the trip down to get them in June that we would fly them back. Because of the ages of my boys (14 & 10) most airlines would still consider them unaccompanied minors if flying alone...except Southwest. We went with Southwest, but of course had to adjust our initial plans because of my ex. Initially, we were going to Kansas City for the weekend and we were going to watch 2 Royals/Yankees games. This would've meant that the boys would fly out of Kansas City, have a short layover and have to change planes. I felt perfectly fine with that and knew with the way airports work if they had any questions, they could ask, but that once they got off the 1st plane they would be very close to the next gate. It wasn't like they would be wondering around the airport. Well, my ex wouldn't let us do that...so we had to change our plans and fly them out of St Louis. There was a short layover, but they didn't change planes. Anywho, we had a nice weekend and they flew back yesterday. My ex had been talking up a HUGE surprise for several weeks and yesterday they got their surprises.
My 14 yr old got a...car. Yes, you heard me. My 14 yr old got a f*cking car. My 10 yr old got a...signed Mickey Mantle baseball along with a lot of other baseball memoribilia. How is all of this possible? Their step-mother's uncle died. Yep, he died, so somehow they end up with all of that. Did they wait until Hunter's bday (Sept 9th) & Ian's bday (Sept 15th)? Nope, they decided to give them those things THE DAY they come back from spending the summer with us.
Was I ever informed that my child was going to be given a car? Nope. Am I pissed? Damn straight. That's a HUGE decision and I feel like I should've had some input.
It's not a surprise though...that's how he got them to move back to NC...he promised my then 13yr old that he would buy him a car when he turned 16.
I'm waiting for him to come to me about helping to pay car insurance. Nope, I won't pay ONE RED CENT!
I'm just angry. I'm angry that no matter what we do he ALWAYS finds something to show us up. I'm angry that in order to pay for our trip I sold ALL of my jewelry, except my wedding rings & engagement ring. I didn't mind selling the jewelry, but we could've used the money on bills and stuff. Instead, we wanted them to enjoy themselves...now, the memory is already gone and they moved on to how great their "family" is...which doesn't include DH & I.
This may sound petty to some of you...to me it's far from petty.
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Re: NBR: I am SO angry/upset
Shannon, I am so sorry that they do that to you--and what they're doing is a disservice to your older sons. You have every right to be upset and I wish I knew what to say here.
(((HUG)))
Bronx Zoo: Summer 2013
To read my blog, click on the giraffe pic below!
Robyn, thank you.
Side note: When Hunter turned 1 - he was the same way with the cake! I'm glad the party was a success though!! Aaron looks so cute.
I am so sorry. That is completely insane. That stuff should have waited for a birthday at the very least, and you should certainly have been consulted! 14 is way too young for a car.
At least this is probably it for wild bribery gifts, at least for your older son!
He's not even signed up for driver's ed yet. A friend asked me what in the world he would get when he turns 16...a house. Makes me wonder!
Thanks, Laura. I should've expected this, but I was really thinking the surprise would be mild in comparison to this.
I hope you are right about them knowing how much I love them.
UGH that's ridiculous and you have every right to be angry and upset but I firmly believe that children remember the family moments- the laughter, the ballgames, the movies, the TIME SPENT TOGETHER- when they're adults more so than the materialistic crap that comes and goes.
click the pic (blog)
I know this probably means nothing coming from me, a first time mom to a 7.5 month old, but just continue to tell them how much they're loved- espeically now. Send them stupid little Hallmark cards every so often when you're not together- just to let them know you're thinking of them. Don't bring up $$ or materialistic crap. And I PROMISE you these little things will mean more to them in the long run. Easier said than done, but hang in there.
click the pic (blog)
A car at fourteen? Really?
Shannon, don't sweat it. They will figure it out. It might take a while, but they are so close to adulthood that it won't be that long.
I don't think you sound petty at all. I would be very upset if I were in your situation. What's a 14 year old going to do with a car anyway? He's not old enough to drive, right?
And I agree with everyone else who said that material things are not what's important in life. The memory of the time spent with you isn't gone--they're just temporarily distracted by these other things. Hang in there
Thanks. Nope, not old enough. He hasn't even taken driver's ed yet. Even when he does that he will have a year before he can actually get his DL.
I am sorry but those gifts are totally inappropriate! What was your ex thinking??? I mean I know what he was thinking but still!
You are not being petty about this. You have every right to feel sad that your ex is upstaging your wonderful summer with the boys. Just be sure to tell them how much you love them. They will figure it out.