Charting and IRL friends (a little long)

willamina28 · August 2010

I feel like my IRL friends who know I chart think I'm super over the top obsessed.

I guess it goes along the same lines as "just relax." I think I'm in a pissy mood today, but its kind of hurtful.

It doesn't help that this is my first cycle TTC since my m/c and many of them didn't find out we were TTC until I told them I was PG. They say things like "are you sure you should be getting your hopes up...maybe you should stop charting....it seems unhealthy to put so much thought into this...."

I wish life had a rewind so I could go back in time and not tell anyone we were TTC.

Do people who know your TTC and charting give you a hard time?

sweet*pockets · August 2010

I'm sorry for your loss.

In my case, its been the opposite. I have turned a few IRL friends/family onto charting. It just makes the most sense when your truly ready to conceive.. why chance missing your O for no reason? Don't listen to the nay-sayers.

pinkflipflops44 · August 2010

i would tell them to mind their own business.

SC1977 · August 2010

The one friend I have who knows we're TTC is pretty cool with the charting. She has another friend who is a little crazier about TTC than I am, so I think my harmless charts are a breath of fresh air for her.

Edited to add: I'm really sorry for your loss. And it's too bad that your friends aren't more supportive of your charting. I don't think they understand how it's a good thing to have some control and insight into your body and what's going on with it while TTC.

sapphire1983 · August 2010

I've just started charting this cycle. Only 2 of my friends know we're TTC.

I've told one friend who thinks charting is really interesting. I told one other friend who charts for NFP so she thought it was totally normal. She was even able to give me some helpful advice.

Sorry that people are giving you a hard time about it. I think it's great that you want to understand how your body works.

siba1119 · August 2010

I'm sorry for your loss.

Only 3-4 people IRL know we are trying. We are keeping it on the DL. My bff is one of the few people who knows we are TTC. I spend the night on Thursdays at her house because I travel to that area for work. On Friday mornings she hears me temp and thinks I'm nuts. She's convinced that we won't conceive when we are 'trying so hard'. I'm not really hurt by it. I told her that the reason I chart is not only because we are TTC, but also because I like to know what's going on with my body.

Good luck!

Birdies08 · August 2010

I'm so sorry about your loss.

I have not talked about charting with my IRL friends out of this fear... I also don't have any friends who are TTC (well, I guess, that I know of). I do have a friend who's interested in charting to TTA, so I've been talking with her a LOT about it- mostly about talking her BF into being ok wearing a condom! Charting =/= 100% birth control...

WI-mommy-hopeful · August 2010

Hey hun, I am sorry your IRL friends are giving you such a hard time about charting. I think you are just fine!!!! Try not to worry about what they think. Have any of them been through what you have?? If not, then they have no place to judge you. I am here whenever you need to vent or talk ok!! :-) Wrote you an email back btw :-) Cheer up girl.

May524 · August 2010

willamina28:
I feel like my IRL friends who know I chart think I'm super over the top obsessed.

Yes, they do think I'm very obsessed with TTC. However, most of them don't have children and have no idea how trying it can be to get pregnant. I just laugh it off.

MillerTime13 · August 2010

I just talked to my best friend over the weekend who plans to start TTC in a month or so, and told her all about OPKs and charting. She had a million questions and agreed with me as far as "Why not do everything you can to understand what's going on?". But she and I have always thought a lot alike. I don't know that I will tell anyone else about it because I understand how people can think it is obsessive. To each their own.

I am very sorry for your loss and sorry you are dealing with this. Keep in mind that these people - if they are truly your friends - more than likely just don't know what to say to you and don't realize how hurtful their comments are. Sometimes people feel the need to say something and it turns out to be the wrong thing.

Hoping all that "obsessive" charting gets you your sticky baby soon!

willamina28 · August 2010

Thanks for your support, and I forgot to mention two of them are currently pregnant and one just had her baby a month ago. None has ever had a loss, and two of them were KU the first month, the 3rd it took about 6 months, so its surprising to me she would not be more open to it.

I think mainly its because I'm in a bad mood today though Tongue Tied

willamina28 · August 2010

WI-mommy-hopeful:
Hey hun, I am sorry your IRL friends are giving you such a hard time about charting. I think you are just fine!!!! Try not to worry about what they think. Have any of them been through what you have?? If not, then they have no place to judge you. I am here whenever you need to vent or talk ok!! :-) Wrote you an email back btw :-) Cheer up girl.

I'll check it! Thanks! I am totally in a bad mood today, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed Stick out tongue

youngin12 · August 2010

A lot of people know we are TTC but only one person knows that I am charting and she was very interested in it so she didn't/hasn't given me a hard time.

Jessiree · August 2010

We have kept TTC pretty quiet IRL, but two of DHs cousins (who were are SUPER close to) know. One of them uses charting for NFP, so she is a big fan and we just found out a good friend and her husband are expecting, and they were successful in their first month trying and they were also charting.

I think charting is great. Anyone who says otherwise can go bite the big one in my opinion. It is really the only way we have to confirm ovulation and to optimize timing. I always look at it this way - I would rather chart for months and know I'm ovulating or not, versus just having EOD sex for the same amount of time and have no idea of what is going on.

I'm so sorry for your loss, and I hope you get your sticky baby soon! GL with the naysayers!

blackbird01 · August 2010

Not too many people know we're TTC, but my one friend is way into charting and is super excited that we're TTC, so she's been wonderfully supportive. My mom, however, kind of laughed when I told her I was using OPKs. She thought it was a little "unnecessary." If she knew I was charting, too, she'd probably think I was nuts. But she always got pregnant super fast (one miscarriage before me, then my two brothers were unplanned), so I was kind of annoyed by her comment. She knows we've been trying since January, so you'd think she would support anything I'm doing at this point to TTC.

I'm so sorry about your loss and that your friends are giving you a hard time. Don't listen to them.

NJMom050911 · August 2010

Only 4 people now that we're trying and charting. All but one think I'm crazy LOL They don't say that to me but they do tell me to stop obsessing...and one of them had her baby with IVF because they tried for 4 years with no success....go figure.

MandaS08 · August 2010

The response I get from my IRL friends is mixed. Some of them have warned me that charting will make it feel like a job and I should just let it happen (this same friend was divorced 6 months after her baby was born, so charting my not have been the problem), some don't really understand b/c they got preggers right away, but are supportive and some are totally understanding and are excited for me. I think you have to take everyone's opinion with a grain of salt and get used to it-once you have the baby I'm sure everyone will have an opinion and give it to you whether you ask for it or not.

sugrrrplum · August 2010

The only person in my life that thinks it is a good idea is my husband. Everyone else says "have fun with it" "relax" "it will happen when it happens". Even my cousin with PCOS who tried for YEARS thinks charting is not worth my time and effort. I am a control freak by nature and I think it actually mellows me out when I know what is going on and where I stand each month. Especially just coming off BC and not knowing if you are ovulating or not.. or how long your cycle will be!

Lkat17 · August 2010

A few people in my real life know about my charting and I'm grateful that they're supportive. Like you, I told them about it after my loss, but they had a different reaction. I'm sorry you're friends haven't been more supportive of your choices.

All I can say is, don't let their opinions get to you. They haven't been in your shoes.

(((big hugs)))

Noreen and Chris · August 2010

I'm so sorry for your loss - I hope everything is ok this time around!!

My friends that are not TTC think I am crazy especially because in addition to the temping, I use a CBEFM, recently purchased TCOYF, and I do the green tea/pom juice. So in their eyes I am crazy but to anyone who has kids and had TTTC, they think it's normal. Wait until your friends are TTC and they will be doing the same thing! I think doing this work and keeping track of your body shows that you are ready for children.

kellbranc · August 2010

I 100% agree with you.

After my m/c more people knew about us TTC....and those who knew it took a long time would ask me 10,000 questions. I had to explain about how I O late and this and that.

There are a lot of people who are like "stop trying so hard....relax". I say to them "we did 'relax' for 5 months....we didn't "try" and clearly relaxing didn't work for us so I had to figure more out.

I 100% honestly do NOT feel like ANYONE understands what it is like to TTC for 10 months...or whatever the situation is....until they too have experienced issues. I don't wish it upon anyone. I just wish more would understand my frustration

ManiacMcGee · August 2010

I'm sorry about your loss, and I'm sorry your IRL friends are insensitive.

But! Your cats are ridiculously adorable. So you have that.

picklesx · August 2010

This is a big part of my reasons why we haven't told anyone anything. I don't want to deal with the Peanut Gallery.

willamina28 · August 2010

ManiacMcGee:
I'm sorry about your loss, and I'm sorry your IRL friends are insensitive.
But! Your cats are ridiculously adorable. So you have that.

Thanks! Your cats are super cute too! ah...love cats...they make me happy!

byrne15 · August 2010

I have told a few people that I am charting, but only one of them actually charted as well. The other people just give me this sad look like "aww you poor pathetic thing".

Oh and I found out that a lot of people think that temping every morning means you stick the thermometer in your vag. One friend goes "make sure you dont confuse that thermometer for your other one!". I'm like...ummm they both go in the mouth" She was amazed...

willamina28 · August 2010

byrne15:
I have told a few people that I am charting, but only one of them actually charted as well. The other people just give me this sad look like "aww you poor pathetic thing".

Oh and I found out that a lot of people think that temping every morning means you stick the thermometer in your vag. One friend goes "make sure you dont confuse that thermometer for your other one!". I'm like...ummm they both go in the mouth" She was amazed...

Interesting! Hadn't thought about that view point LOL Maybe that is why everyone thinks I'm nuts! Though I do know several people on this board use that method. For me though, I think the beeps would be too muffled under pj's and blankets Smile

heatherinokla · August 2010

I wish people would mind their own business, but they can't/won't. This is why we're not telling anyone about TTC....even when they ask.

JenOSU03 · August 2010

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

None of m IRL friends understand anything about charting while TTC. It is so frustrating at times because they make fun of me for being too worried or obessed about ttc. They tell me just relax and when I tell them I am on cycle day 28, they tell me to poas. It is so annoying!

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