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Parenting
Did anyone grow up without grandparents? Or your kids?
I'm kind of sitting here feeling sorry for my kids that they'll never get to experience any of the typical grandparent kind of things. Both grandfathers have been deceased for nearly 20 years. Both grandmothers are alive, but one is severely disabled and the other is simply not interested in them at all.
It bums me out that neither kid will ever have Grandma read them a book, go spend the night with a grandparent, have Grandma babysit, etc. We do know a couple older ladies who are kind to my kids, but they're not people who we necessarily see with much regularity.
If you grew up with no grandparents in your life please tell me that it wasn't the end of the world and that it didn't scar you for life, LOL.
Or, is there anyone else in a similar situation with their own children?
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Re: Did anyone grow up without grandparents? Or your kids?
Kinda...
I grew up with very unplugged grandparents - on both sides. I always asked myself what was wrong with me as a kid that they didn't want to be part of my life. Nice, right?
FF to my boys. My parents are totally plugged in and rock as grandparents. Hell, they are way better grandparents then they were parents (they even admit it). DH's parents are toally, completely unplugged. They have no idea when their birthdays are or how old they are. They live 40 mins away and WE make an effort to bring the boys to them about 2x a month.
Owen is old enought to ask why their relationship with his parents is so *weird* (his words) and the one with my folks is comfortable. I am totally honest with him and it's crushes me.
Sorry, I made that all about me. I have no advice for ya but I do feel your pain.
~Lisa
Mum to Owen and Lucas
My dad's parents passed away when I was about 10. They babysat us once a week, but they did not interact with us much. My mom's dad died before I was born. My mom's mom lived until I was about 28, but we did not see her too much. I don't feel that it has affected me at all, and I never got jealous when friends of mine mentioned their grandparents or dwelled on it one bit. I never thought about it at all or felt sorry for myself.
My kids have all 4 of their grandparents, but my parents are in their 70s with some health issues. We visit them, but they can't do much with the kids physically. XH's parents do a lot with them, but that's mainly because they are helping XH.
I never knew any of my grandparents; 3 were deceased before I was born, and the last one died before I was a year old. It would have been nice, but I think it never really occurred to me that it was a big deal. I have a pretty good sized extended family, and never thought that much about it. Looking back it is diappointing when I see my mom and DH's parents with the boys, but again, wasn't a huge deal to me as a kid. Guess I never knew what I was missing. I also lost my dad at 13, so that was the bigger impact on me.
Essentially. My dad's dad died when he was a teenager and my mom's mom right after I turned 1, so I don't remember her. My mom's dad was around - he even lived with us for a bit before he died (when I was in my early teens), but he was...remote.. and not a typical grandfather, I don't think.
My dad's mom is still alive - she's 96. Even 30 years ago, she was mean and not a typical grandma. My best grandma experience has been my stepgrandma who's been in my life for almost 30 years.
My kids have 3 full sets of grandparents at the moment, 2 of whom live in FL and one lives in NJ. I'd like to feel that they're as close as they can possibly be, given the distance and are creating good memories (DS even stayed with my mom and stepdad by himself for a week this summer). My ILs are older - close to 80, so I don't know how much more time they'll have with them.
Both of my dad's parents were dead long before I was born.
My mom's dad died when I was 2, and her mother when I was 6, but my grandmother was in a nursing home in NY and I never knew her.
You be the judge if I am a scarred individual. LOL
My kids will only know my mom. My dad died in 2005. DHs parents are alive, but his batshitcrazy mom doesn't know they exist, and his dad is in CA and has never met them.
DS - December 2006
DD - December 2008
My last living grandparent died when I was two. I have no real memory of him.
We had many family friends who were grandparent age who spent lots of time with my sister and I. I didn't think about not having grandparents at the time, and I certainly didn't think about these other people as being substitutes, I just enjoyed spending time with them.
Your kids will be fine. It is there unique experience; not better or worse than anyone else's.
I grew up very close to my grandparents. My mom died when I was 7, and her mom has been more of a mom than a grandmother since then. I saw them all weekly and have great memories from growing up with them.
Now, my kids have more living great grandparents (4) than grandparents (2.) Like I said, my mom died over 25 years ago. My dad has stage 4 colon cancer and is losing the battle, so while my kids know and love him now, odds are he'll be gone in a year and they'll have very little memory of him. My stepmom is alive but crazy. She means well and loves them, but she's a flake and the kids look at me like they know she's not right already. DH's mom died 2 yrs ago from the same cancer. She had left her DH, who my Dh grew up with, a few years before, so he has no contact with our kids. His dad lives about 3 hours away and is nice when he sees them, but it's only 3-4 times a year. I am grateful that he drives up for birthdays and such. His wife also died two years ago, from inflammatory breast cancer. It makes me very sad, because the ones who've died were such amazing, sweet people who would have loved my kids and had wonderful relationships with them. I do feel very sad that my kids will not have what I had with grandparents. The great grandparents are very nice too, but they are all int heir 80s and slowing down quickly.
Sorry to be such a downer.
The only grandparent who was living in my memory (my mom lost both parents 6 months apart when I was 1) was my father's mother who was a mess and not grandmotherly at all. The truth is, I never missed what I didn't have. I had plenty of other people in my lives, including my mother's much older sister, who kind of filled the role grandparents would have played.
I think this is one of those situations where you don't miss what you never knew. As long as a child has people in their lives who do love them (which, clearly, your children do) they won't feel deprived because they don't have traditional grandparents.
My mom's parents both died when I was 2. ?I inherited some step grandparents when she got married, just before I turned 7. ?They never did feel like mine, even though the whole family happily welcomed me and all.
My feeling on the matter is this - that was NORMAL for me. ?Not for you, or my DH, or anyone else.. but to me that was my normal. ?I didn't know anything else, so why would it have bothered me ??
?
Of course it does make me sad that I couldn't have known them for longer, but I don't feel it scarred me growing up either. I had plenty other good role models in my life besides my parents, including a great-aunt who acted like a grandmother to me in many ways (up until last year when she passed away). You can't know what you didn't have, and I sort of thought it was the norm for things to happen this way. Of course later on once I realized how many of my friends still have not only living grandparents, but grandparents who are well and active in their lives, it makes me a little sad and jealous of what I missed out on, but again it's not the end of the world as long as there are other good role models in your childrens' lives.
Throwing leaves