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So, here's my take on the SAHM vs. WM

Cooper81Cooper81 member
in Maryland Babies
I'm such a lurker on the month board and the whole debate over which is "harder" is ridiculous to me.  It's like comparing one job type to the other, like accountant to a construction worker.  Both are "hard" but in a different way, one isn't "harder" than the other, yea one is more physically exhausting on is more mentally exhausing.  A SAHM get's up early, feeds/bathes/changes the kids, works around the house while entertaining the kids allll day long.  I can totally understand it is physically and mentally exhausting, the manual labor part and trying to figure out how to keep the kids entertained.  A WM get's up early feeds/bathes/changes, takes the kid to DC, commutes to work, puts in 8+ hours a day commutes home picks up the kid and goes home, that is both physically and mentally exhausting (anyone who rides public transportation can attest that it's physically exhausting Stick out tongue).  Both SAHM's and WM's days do not end until they go to bed at night, their mornings and nights are pretty much the same.  It's the time in between that is spend differently.  It's just so frustrating to hear mothers try to outdo each other.  I've had a few days where I'm home from work on my own during the week and have to balance working around the house and keeping the baby entertained and taken care of, it's not harder than what I do every day I'm working, it just presents a different challenge.
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Re: So, here's my take on the SAHM vs. WM

  • KathrynMDKathrynMD member

    ITA - and honestly, if having DD/becoming a mother has taught me anything, is that you really can't judge anyone and their choices - I justt assume everyone is trying their best! 

    I post on teh Working Moms board and I hear alot of frustrated, tired moms, but when I talk to my SAHM friends they all sound frustrated and tired too.  Its such a personal decsion - and I've seen women that I've always assumed have been dreaming about being SAHMs since they were 2, decide to go back to work at high powered demanding jobs and other women who I NEVER would have expected, quit their high paid jobs to be a SAHM and totally and completely embrace their new role.

    I just wish we had an economy that supported a more fluid approach to work where you could come in and out of the work force as it suited your life/lifestyle.

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  • NytepyreNytepyre
    Agreed, I don't like how mothering and parenting seems to evolve into a competition so often. I think as parents we try the best we can, and the decisions that work for one family may not work for another family, doesn't mean one way is "better" or "harder", just different. And yes, Katherine has a good point, it would be nice if culturally we had more flexibility to maintain professional and family ties the way we'd like. There are not many options out there!
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  • nutmeggernutmegger

    I think the moms who argue about this the most are the ones who feel most insecure/unsure about their own situations. 

    I know in my own case I need to be careful about who I complain about my commute to, because some people assume it means I hate working because I'm a mom.  So I think that some of the people who debate may be facing backlash from family members, friends, etc. about their situations.

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  • mrs. remymrs. remy

    I hate the mommy wars. so petty.

    I come home from work exhausted every single day, brain fried, and by the time Sean goes to bed I am beat and ready to crash myself. But when I had him all day long for a week straight? I was exhausted too. It is demanding chasing a small child around all day. And its really comparing apples to oranges.

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  • daisybaby09daisybaby09

    I think they are both so different, how can you compare it?  This day in age why bother trying?  There are so many different situations.  Whatever works for each individual family.  Hopefully most people discussed what they wanted before even getting married.  I personally am more a co-parent person.  I would not have married someone more "traditional" for lack of a better term.  That is me I do not want to be judged and I REALLY try hard not to judge others.  

    I travel for work *gasp* but I am off (home) 15-20 days a month.  It is a trade off and it works for us.  I do get a lot of side eyes from people (mostly women).  That is not welcomed when I am on a 3 day trip missing my DS):  Oh well.  Why can't we all just get along(: 

    We are all different which makes us all so interesting.  

    My late .02$ 

     

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  • anonsouthernbellanonsouthernbell member
    I missed the original discussion but I have to agree I wish that people wouldn't try to belittle the decisions of others.  I see the same thing when it comes to bf vs. ff as well as other areas of parenting.  I wish that as women we would do more to lift each other up than to put each other down.
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  • daisyterpdaisyterp member
    imagedaisybaby09:

     I personally am more a co-parent person.  I would not have married someone more "traditional" for lack of a better term.  That is me I do not want to be judged and I REALLY try hard not to judge others. 

     

    I am a SAHM, but to say that my DH doesn't co-parent is laughable- and there are multiple posters here who can attest to that, having seen my DH in action.

    While our household may seem "traditional" my DH is super-hands-on when he is home.  I am sure there are tons of households where both parents work outside the home, but the dad doesn't change many diapers, etc., but just because one spouse doesn't work outside the home, doesn't mean that they aren't co-parenting.  You don't need a daycare provider to co-parent.


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  • daisybaby09daisybaby09
    imagedaisyterp:
    imagedaisybaby09:

     I personally am more a co-parent person.  I would not have married someone more "traditional" for lack of a better term.  That is me I do not want to be judged and I REALLY try hard not to judge others. 

     

    I am a SAHM, but to say that my DH doesn't co-parent is laughable- and there are multiple posters here who can attest to that, having seen my DH in action.

    While our household may seem "traditional" my DH is super-hands-on when he is home.  I am sure there are tons of households where both parents work outside the home, but the dad doesn't change many diapers, etc., but just because one spouse doesn't work outside the home, doesn't mean that they aren't co-parenting.  You don't need a daycare provider to co-parent.


    Wow I never said nor implied anything about being a co-parent is only a WM situation.  I think you are missing the point completely.  My point was EVERY situation is different.  There are WM, WD, SAHM, SAHD there are men that come home and expect dinner on the table and a drink waiting there are men then come home and want to dive into the family responsibilities and vice versa.  I will say it again whatever works for your family is perfect for your situation.  

    I said for lack of a better term "traditional" as in my FIL who never changed a diaper.  I do not think that just because you stay at home that your husband does not have an active role in his family.   

    The whole point of this thread and my post was not to judge or be defensive but to understand and support each other.  I am sorry that I struck a chord with you but I think you were a little spring loaded to read into my comments as something negative.  

     I am going to ignore your negativity toward my comments.  I am very lucky that I only need DC 1 day a week.  I do not think that DC makes for co-parenting.  That is ridiculous that you would infer that.  

    I am truly in shock by your response.  I am remorseful that your feelings were hurt, as your misinterpretation of my comments could not be further from the intent.

     

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