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TTC After a Loss 6 Months+
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s/o of the BFP Wave bitterness

CarrieLeigh84CarrieLeigh84 member
in TTC After a Loss 6 Months+

You ladies know I love you, right? I'm sorry if this rubs any of you the wrong way.


I am 100% in agreeance with Lindsay on how much it sucks. I'm THRILLED to see all you ladies pregnant, but so god damn dissapointed in myself that I'm not. 

Days like today, and yesterday, and sh!t, the whole last month just solidify the idea in my head that I will not get pregnant again any time soon.

I love how we all reassure each other, and say it will happen soon, but when I'm in this kind of mood, I can't help but look around, look at the calendar and think "really? I just have no hope left for this at all." 

2 years later, 2 failed pregnancies later, I'm just broken into a million little pieces and cant figure out how to remain optimistic. Or even hopeful.

I wish we had a magic wand to make it all go away, but we don't so in the mean time, rum will act as my magic wand.

 

/end vent/rant

Stillbirth at 23w6d on Sept, 22, 2008 M/C at 5 weeks June 14, 2010 My miracle, James Frederick born May 2, 2011 via C-section
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Re: s/o of the BFP Wave bitterness

  • Ashley858Ashley858 member
    The biggest ((((Hugs)))) possible to you!
    3 Early Miscarriages 4 rounds of Clomid BFP = 11/16/10 ~ EDD July 29th 2011 Image and video hosting by TinyPic
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  • AppleRidgeAppleRidge member
    All I can say is that a lot of the women in the BFP wave(s) thought/felt the same way at some point.  Myself included.  I can't promise it'll happen for you, but I can dedicate a ***.ton of hope to the cause.
    ---------------------------------------------------------------
    4 early losses 2009, 2010, 2015.  Baby #1 born 2/13/11.  
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  • lindsay.loulindsay.lou member

    I understand 100%

    Well, I understand ~74.8%, as I've only had 1 loss and only been at the game 20 months. 

    But seriously. 

    I understand what you mean about having no hope. 

    image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • JuJuBe3JuJuBe3
    I'm so sorry Carrie.  I hate that any of us have to feel this way.  It feels like the BFPs bring out the two emotional opposites.  No one can tell us what will happen, but I have to have hope because sometimes that all I have and DH & I want this so bad.  We're all for here for you.  Big hugs hon!
    image

    Missed m/c 11.09 | Missed m/c 3.10 | We miss you & love you so.
    ~ ~ ~
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Formerly toddandjulie
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  • grr_aarghgrr_aargh member

    imageBBHME:
    All I can say is that a lot of the women in the BFP wave(s) thought/felt the same way at some point.  Myself included.  I can't promise it'll happen for you, but I can dedicate a ***.ton of hope to the cause.

    Ayup.  Absolutely. 

    Welcome to the world, Baby Grr!

    My Blog

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  • CarrieLeigh84CarrieLeigh84 member

    imageBBHME:
    All I can say is that a lot of the women in the BFP wave(s) thought/felt the same way at some point.  Myself included.  I can't promise it'll happen for you, but I can dedicate a ***.ton of hope to the cause.

    I know everyone has felt this way, which is why I feel ok sharing/venting/whining here. 

    It's just hard, you know? I dont think it's the BFP waves in general that hurt, I think, like other posters said it's just about being left behind again (and again.... and again........ and again etc Big Smile )

    Stillbirth at 23w6d on Sept, 22, 2008 M/C at 5 weeks June 14, 2010 My miracle, James Frederick born May 2, 2011 via C-section
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  • KristysRedBarnKristysRedBarn
    I'm sorry Carrie.  You know I'm right there with you.  Bitterness is overwhelming me today.
    imageimage
    Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle!
    April 2011 CP @ 5 weeks
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  • butterfly843butterfly843
    ((hugs)) I have been having a hard time being optimistic. I just keep feeling like it's never going to happen for me.

    Jenn

    image 3 IUI's all BFN

    IVF#1 BFN IVF#2 BFP, loss at 19 weeks FET#1 BFN IVF#3 BFP, m/c FET#2 BFN

    Missing our twins Zachary and Madison, lost at 19 weeks on 11/13/09, edd 4/9/10

    BFP 7/17/10, m/c 7/25/10, edd 3/25/11

    Ectopic, lost left tube 4/20/11, edd 12/6/11

    my blog

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  • Scout05Scout05 member

    imageBBHME:
    All I can say is that a lot of the women in the BFP wave(s) thought/felt the same way at some point.  Myself included.  I can't promise it'll happen for you, but I can dedicate a ***.ton of hope to the cause.

    Exactly. We've all been the ones watching others move on as well. Or been the ones to move on and then come crashing back. Not sure I won't be one of those again, of course.

    I'm sorry you guys are sad.

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  • michroccmichrocc member

    I'm so sorry, Carrie. 

     

    BFP#1 10/19/09, m/c 12/5/09, BFP#2 2/03/12, m/c 2/12/12, BFP#3 3/18/13, LO born 11/22/13

    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Parenting Advice"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1a17ee.aspx" alt=" Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker" border="0"  /></a>
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  • dondraandluisdondraandluis member
    (((HUGS)))
    TTC Since Oct 08 BFP #1- 1/23/09, missed m/c 2/26/09 BFP #2- 9/8/09, natural m/c 9/16/09 BFP #3- 4/13/10, missed m/c 5/26/10 BFP #4- 4/6/11 beta#1 at 12dpo-133 prog-55.7, beta#2 at 16dpo- 861 DD born 12/8/2011 BFP#5- 11/23/12 EDD 7/25/13 Dx- Uterine septum (removed Aug 2010), endo, MTHFR C677t hetero, Factor II hetero, Low Protein S Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • triple_sevenstriple_sevens member
    I'm sorry, Carrie. It does hurt a lot. It's no one's fault, it just is.
    BFP #1 10/17/09: missed m/c at 7 weeks; BFP #2 10/22/10: chemical pregnancy; BFP #3: 1/28/11

    Baby Boy Smudgie born 10/4/11

    <a href="http://s837.photobucket.com/albums/zz298/triple_sevens/?action=view

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  • babes12babes12 member

    i'm sorry Carrie. We cant' help how we feel.  we've been through hell and back so i think we have a right to feel some bitterness. 

    i am very happy for the ladies on here who've been trying for a long time and finally got their bfp.  at the same time i wish i could be part of that bfp wave. 

    i try to hold onto hope but it's get more and more difficult as time goes on so bottoms up for me too!!!  enjoy your drinks! 

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic 8.15.07 NATHAN 6.13.09 - 6.14.09 WYATT born 32w3d Gone too soon, RIP. 4.21.10 BFP - missed m/c - D&C on 5.27.10. 1.31.11 BFP - 1st cycle IUI + Follistim + Trigger (2 mature follies)Beta 1 @ 13dpiui: 199 Beta 2 @ 15dpiui: 527 10.7.11 ELIANA(Ellie)ROSE (39w3d)Team Green turned Team Pink - VBAC & ALL NATURAL 6lbs 11oz 19 &1/2in
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  • BeachColeBeachCole
    Huge ((hugs)) Carrie. 
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