stressed out (vent and long)

nkubon · August 2010

i'm so beyond stressed, and i know it's not good, but i don't know what to do. it all starts with me having a mon-fri 8:30am - 5:00pm job, plus my own business on the side (wedding planning). i have two clients coming into town today through next weds. so i have work today from 8:30 - 5:00, then a meeting a 5:30pm - 6:30pm, and an hour drive home, then tomorrow i'm working 8:30 - 5:00, and on my lunch break at 12:15pm meeting a client for an hour, then back to work, saturday i have meetings from 9:30am until 1:30pm with a client, then sunday meetings from 3:30pm - 7:00pm with a different client, monday work from 8:30am - 5:00pm, a meeting at 6pm - 8pm with a client, tuesday work from 8:30am - 5:00pm, a meeting from 6pm - 7pm with a client, and weds a doctors appointment at 9:30am, meetings with clients from 11:15am - 5:00pm. then thursday - sun i'm going to vegas. so needless to say i'm freaking SLAMMED, and stressed OUT.

then on top of it, i got into a fight with my MIL and DH. monday we went to dinner with my IL's for DH's bday. the subject of us moving about an hour away from where we live now came up (i'm from a town an hour away, and all my friends and family live there, so i want to move closer). well his mom sat there the entire conversation pouting. so that annoyed me, bc she always does this. she doesn't realize that for the entire 6 years DH and i have been together that i've been driving an hour to work and an hour home, then my family, and all my friends live an hour north, and plus the town we live in SUCKS beyond belief. where we're looking to move is a half-way point between the two, so we both have a little of what we want. well she calls DH on tuesday night giving him a list of reasons why it'd be beneficial for him to stay where we are (she lives two streets behind us). so he tells me and i just FLIPPED out. i think it's so rude of her, to go behind my back, and call him giving him a list of reasons to stay all because she doesn't want to drive out of her freaking area code to visit her 30 year old son. GROW UP, and freaking mind your own business!!! ahhhh. so anyhow - i was so pissed i texted her telling her nothing she says will sway what we decide to do, and to please be considerate of my feelings. so she calls me, which i ignore, and leaves a vm saying she wasn't trying to hurt my feelings, but wanted steve to know the benefits of staying down here, and she doesn't know why i wouldn't answer the phone. i've had a horrible relationship with my MIL from day one, she didn't come to our wedding, she's caused so much drama and this was the last straw. i'm so over it. so anyhow DH and i got into a fight bc of it all too, causing me to go to bed, and the last two nights to be akward, and not talking much to each other.

anyways .. that's my vent. it felt good to get it out, and i can't wait to just RELAX.

midnight*sun · August 2010

That really sucks that all of this is hitting you at once. It sounds extremly stressful. I honestly believe the best way to settle a conflict is to talk it out and to try and avoid texting. I definitely agree that when a MIL goes behind your back to try and get their way it is beyond rude and irritating (mine has done that numerous times) but nothing will get resolved if you refuse to discuss how her doing that made you feel. It gives her a reason to cause conflict between you and DH (which she did) and still look like the good guy/victim in the situation. I really hope this all resolves quickly for you. Good luck!

JDoe11111 · August 2010

How is your MIL talking to her son "going behind your back?" It makes sense she'd talk with HER kid.

nkubon · August 2010

JDoe11111:
How is your MIL talking to her son "going behind your back?" It makes sense she'd talk with HER kid.

you would have to understand her. but, honestly it's not her place to give a list of reasons why her son should stay in her area code, he's a 30 year old man, let him live his life. she can step in her car and drive a 30 min drive. IMO she went behind my back, because she was there for the convo at dinner, and chose to say nothing, just pout, then chooses to call him when i'm not there so she can give a list of reasons, and try and pursade him to stay. even my DH said this. the woman does this constantly, she's very vindictive, and honestly, has issues. she didn't come to our wedding because it wasn't in our area code, it was in vegas, and she used the excuse that she didn't have the money, even wrote us this sob note of not being able to come, which later she let the cat out of the bag that she was just mad that we didn't get married in our area code.

nkubon · August 2010

midnight*sun:
That really sucks that all of this is hitting you at once. It sounds extremly stressful. I honestly believe the best way to settle a conflict is to talk it out and to try and avoid texting. I definitely agree that when a MIL goes behind your back to try and get their way it is beyond rude and irritating (mine has done that numerous times) but nothing will get resolved if you refuse to discuss how her doing that made you feel. It gives her a reason to cause conflict between you and DH (which she did) and still look like the good guy/victim in the situation. I really hope this all resolves quickly for you. Good luck!

thank you! i appreciate the advice!!

KeyRyn320 · August 2010

I have been going through a similar situation.

My MIL for a while would get family friends and my SIL to call DH and suggest us moving to Dallas to be closer to them. The thing is, my family is in Michigan and for the past four years, we have lived in states close to Texas and far from Michigan so I only get to see my family once a year and they have only met DH twice (the second time was our wedding day!)

MIL finally realized that, just because SHE really wants us close to her doesn't mean it's the best move for US. She finally told DH that she has to let him live his life because he's a 30-year-old married man who's about to start his own family. Even if it means staying in Oklahoma or possibly moving closer to my family.

Like a pp said, sit down and talk with your MIL. Do NOT do this through text or email because it is easy for misunderstandings to happen when you don't hear the person's voice. This issue will not go away until you both talk it out and tell each other how you feel. And who knows, maybe you two can finally have a good relationship.

nkubon · August 2010

KeyRyn320:

I have been going through a similar situation.

My MIL for a while would get family friends and my SIL to call DH and suggest us moving to Dallas to be closer to them. The thing is, my family is in Michigan and for the past four years, we have lived in states close to Texas and far from Michigan so I only get to see my family once a year and they have only met DH twice (the second time was our wedding day!)

MIL finally realized that, just because SHE really wants us close to her doesn't mean it's the best move for US. She finally told DH that she has to let him live his life because he's a 30-year-old married man who's about to start his own family. Even if it means staying in Oklahoma or possibly moving closer to my family.

Like a pp said, sit down and talk with your MIL. Do NOT do this through text or email because it is easy for misunderstandings to happen when you don't hear the person's voice. This issue will not go away until you both talk it out and tell each other how you feel. And who knows, maybe you two can finally have a good relationship.

that's great that your MIL finally understood your situation!! pass some of that over to me! your adivce, like the previous poster is great. i will do this, just as soon as i get some free time, for sure. she's not a very rational person, so i hope it goes well, and not a blow out, like some of the conversations i've seen happen between her and other family members. haha.

midnight*sun · August 2010

I think you may be surprised how she'll react once you show her you are putting your foot down and showing that the relationship between you and your husband is strong. I let my MIL get away with some truly heinous things without ever saying anything to her and just hoping it would stop. Eventually I'd had enough and explained to her that it wasn't ok. That her son and I were married and that bond was extremely important to me and she needed to realize we had started our own family. I also told her I wasn't trying to push her out by any means and really respected their relationship but would appreciate if she did the same for me and that by taking DH aside to convince him to do what she wanted was disrespectful to me as his wife.

I strongly suggest that you approach the subject in an understanding manner rather than an irritated one so she doesn't feel attacked and will be more open to hear your side. These are just the trials that us wives of momma's boys have to deal with *sigh* it's worth it though.

nkubon · August 2010

midnight*sun:

I think you may be surprised how she'll react once you show her you are putting your foot down and showing that the relationship between you and your husband is strong. I let my MIL get away with some truly heinous things without ever saying anything to her and just hoping it would stop. Eventually I'd had enough and explained to her that it wasn't ok. That her son and I were married and that bond was extremely important to me and she needed to realize we had started our own family. I also told her I wasn't trying to push her out by any means and really respected their relationship but would appreciate if she did the same for me and that by taking DH aside to convince him to do what she wanted was disrespectful to me as his wife.

I strongly suggest that you approach the subject in an understanding manner rather than an irritated one so she doesn't feel attacked and will be more open to hear your side. These are just the trials that us wives of momma's boys have to deal with *sigh* it's worth it though.

you are totally right. i think i'm going to do this. i'm sure DH will probably try to talk me out of it, but honestly, it's tough being apart of his family knowing that i'm constantly going to have to deal with drama from her. thank you for the advice.

KeyRyn320 · August 2010

midnight*sun:
I strongly suggest that you approach the subject in an understanding manner rather than an irritated one so she doesn't feel attacked and will be more open to hear your side. These are just the trials that us wives of momma's boys have to deal with *sigh* it's worth it though.

Well said!

Want a personalized experience?

stressed out (vent and long)

Re: stressed out (vent and long)

Choose Another Board

Search Boards