Ugly TTC comment — The Bump
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Ugly TTC comment

from my own mother last night!

"I sure hope it takes you a while to get pregnant."

After she got this look: Indifferent, she explained that she wants us to be more financially stable. While I understand her concern, I was highly put off by the choice of "phrase-ology" of the comment. And coming from someone that had experienced 7 miscarriages while TTC me, I think she's lost her farking mind.

What? Do I need to print out a bank statement for her before I tell her when I get a BFP???  UGH!

Re: Ugly TTC comment

  • Moms: can't live with 'em and can't kill 'em!

     Just kidding! (my mom actually always uses this phrase)

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  • And stuff like this is why DH and I don't tell them about TTC. I almost had a weak moment and told my mother, but then I came to my senses.

    Sorry you had to hear that.  


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  • image Ya Never Know:
    And stuff like this is why DH and I don't tell them about TTC. I almost had a weak moment and told my mother, but then I came to my senses.

    You are exactly right! I told my sisters and made them take a blood oath of silence.  We all know my mom is insane about this kind of stuff so they won't tell her either.   She would never leave me alone!  And we didn't even think of telling MH's family! His mom is a bit distant and his grandma would tell the whole northern hemisphere.

    Edit: Spelling

    "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"--Eleanor Roosevelt Lilypie First Birthday tickers Anniversary
  • that was shiitty of her. if my mom said that i would have told her to worry about her bank accounts and let us worry about ours. RUDE.

    I got a comment from my mother last night too. It was innocent compared to yours but it made me pissy nonetheless.

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  • image Ya Never Know:

    And stuff like this is why DH and I don't tell them about TTC. I almost had a weak moment and told my mother, but then I came to my senses.

    Sorry you had to hear that.  

    Thanks. 

    I wasn't going to tell her but, given her history with loss, I assumed she would be supportive of this process and be happy about a 3rd grandchild since she loves my girls so much. That's what I get for assuming.

  • Was yesterday "crazy and annoying mom" day?  My mom and I discussed her issue of "not wanting to share me with a baby" and "her fear that having a baby will change me."  I told her that she needs to work on these issues and that I'm going to be afraid to tell her that when I am KU.  BTW, she does not know that we are actively TTC, I want to keep all of this from her as long as possible.

    I feel everyone's pain who goes through this stuff...at least we can come here to vent!

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  • And this is why my mother doesn't know we are ttc, she likes to think she knows but no one will confirm for her.  Damn mothers!!!

     

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  • Oh sorry you had hear that, especially from your mom! Sometimes people just don't think before they blurt out the first thing that comes to mind! I'm sure it wasn't meant rude, but that still doesn't change the way you felt when she said it! Sorry.

    I've only told my mom and sister, and thank goodness my mom wants to be totally surprised when it happens because she never asks me anything! And my sister is so preoccupied with her wedding she doesn't have time to count the months that have gone by that we've been trying with no success. At this point, I am glad we've not told MH's family because they are the ones who'd ask every day if I was PG yet!

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  • image LeeLee930:

    Was yesterday "crazy and annoying mom" day?  My mom and I discussed her issue of "not wanting to share me with a baby" and "her fear that having a baby will change me."  I told her that she needs to work on these issues and that I'm going to be afraid to tell her that when I am KU.  BTW, she does not know that we are actively TTC, I want to keep all of this from her as long as possible.

    I feel everyone's pain who goes through this stuff...at least we can come here to vent!

    This is super crazy..

    OP that was rude of your mom - unless you're in some kind of serious financial and she's just trying to give you advice.  But even if that were the case, she could have chosen her words a little better.

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  • Can we all just take a vow right now that when our daughters, future daughters and/or future daughters-in-law are trying to get pregnant, that we'll just smile and SHUT THE F UP about it??!?!?
  • Ugh, sorry this happened to you! 

    I have a lot of family issues too.  My mom had a very difficult time when I married DH (almost ruined my wedding).  Then last winter she made some comment about maybe we aren't ready for kids.  She thinks that because we both drink wine or beer (like maybe 2x a week) and occasionally liquor (like once in a while at a party), that we are alcoholics (because she doesn't drink at all) and unfit parents.  Thus, I won't tell her anything until we are at least 10 weeks.  :(  

    Try not to let her comments haunt you.

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  • Gotta love moms.  My mom "insisted" that I be married five years before TTGP b/c "once you have kids you can't get rid of them." 

    Charming.

    Side note... I've been marryied two years and my mom was totally disengaged when I was a kid.  She really wanted to maintain her social life while having babies at home. 

    BFP- 08/10/07 M/C- 08/31/07 7wks 6 days BFP- 8/13/10 Audrey 4/26/11 BFP- 10/20/12 M/C- 10/24/12 4wks 2 days
  • Comments from our own parents can really shock and hurt.  That is why we are also not telling them that we are trying.  After acting very excited over the phone when we got engaged, we head down to my parents house for a celebratory/ wedding planning weekend and I get a sit down 2 hour talk that ended with me in tears and resenting my father for a long time.  I am 28 and have been supporting myself for 6 years- I think I can make my own decisions!! My hope is that once we achieve the BFP they will realize there is no undoing it so they should just be happy and supportive.  (please please!!)  I guess we just have to remember that they love us and want the best, even if they don't always know what that is :)
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  • image Ya Never Know:

    And stuff like this is why DH and I don't tell them about TTC. I almost had a weak moment and told my mother, but then I came to my senses.

    Sorry you had to hear that.  

    THIS EXACTLY!

    I'm so sorry your mom said that to you. 

  • We haven't told my parents about TTC for reasons like this. It's weird, though, because they flip flop their opinions when I've talked about it before with them. I want to be a SAHM when I have kids - sometimes my mom likes this idea because we can "spend everyday with each other!" (ummm....no) and sometimes she complains because they paid for my college and want to "get their money's worth."

    DH's family, however, we've told. Our parents do not like each other, so MIL will not say anything to them. My SILs are super excited and cant' wait to be aunts :-)

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  • image Ya Never Know:

    And stuff like this is why DH and I don't tell them about TTC. .

    Sorry you had to hear that.  

    This exactly!  I am so thankful to have you ladies to share TTC with.  Other than DH, no one knows.  And for the most part, I am finding it very helpful. 

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  • image Ya Never Know:

    And stuff like this is why DH and I don't tell them about TTC. I almost had a weak moment and told my mother, but then I came to my senses.

    Sorry you had to hear that.  

    Exactly this. I'm sorry.

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  • I'm sorry :( I'm sure she will be thrilled when you do announce your BFP.

    I agree that yesterday was crazy mom day...  We went to dinner at my MIL's.. she offered me wine, I said " No thank you". She said "Are you pregnant". Me: "NO, hee hee". MIL: "Okay, good, phew, you scared me"

     UMM, WTH does that mean? 

     

  • image sweet*pockets:

    I'm sorry :( I'm sure she will be thrilled when you do announce your BFP.

    I agree that yesterday was crazy mom day...  We went to dinner at my MIL's.. she offered me wine, I said " No thank you". She said "Are you pregnant". Me: "NO, hee hee". MIL: "Okay, good, phew, you scared me"

     UMM, WTH does that mean? 

     

    Oh no! That would piss me off too. So sorry.

  • image sweet*pockets:

    I'm sorry :( I'm sure she will be thrilled when you do announce your BFP.

    I agree that yesterday was crazy mom day...  We went to dinner at my MIL's.. she offered me wine, I said " No thank you". She said "Are you pregnant". Me: "NO, hee hee". MIL: "Okay, good, phew, you scared me"

     UMM, WTH does that mean? 

     

    That's crap. I'm sorry. My mom said something similar two cycles ago on 4DPO. Greeeeeat.

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  • Yesterday must have been prime for unsolicited comments from mothers.

    I'm sorry that she said that to you, and I'm sorry to the rest of you who had to bite their tongues at Mommy Dearest's advice.

     

  • I seem to have the opposite problem. I have a Mother and MIL that cannot let one day go by without asking when are we FINALLY going to have a baby?! It is exhausting. 
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