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December 2010 Moms
I need some advice (long)
I'll try to make this as short as possible.
MH manages and is in the process of acquiring ownership of two sporting retail stores. When planning when to start our family we took into consideration his responsibilities between these 2 shops and the 4-5 years it will take to pay them off. MH has been on a work trip for the past week. A couple weeks prior to him going he talked to me about how a vendor had approached him about purchasing a 3rd store that's coming onto the market. If he doesn't get it a competitor will. He wanted to do it since he believed that he could manage all 3 without it changing his schedule or taking more time away from his family. After 2 very long discussions about the pros and cons of the purchase we established that it was unrealistic for him to think that he could spread himself that thin and that the acquisition wouldn't be as beneficial as it would be detrimental. I was very much so on the side that I do not want him to do it because I believe that it will affect his schedule/general happiness. We decided against it.
He just called me. Today is his last day at the convention. He'll be getting here late tonight and then we're immediately leaving tomorrow morning for our annual camping trip (our only vacation each year). He said he was so stressed out prior to talking to me that he didn't sleep or eat last night. He was afraid to tell me that after talking to the vendors again he really wants to do it and feels like he should take the opportunity. I can not even begin to describe how much this stresses me out. We are expecting our 1st child and he wants to buy a 3rd store pretty much right as shes showing up! He says over and over again that he will not let this take time away from the family, but he's an idealist and although I believe he can do anything he sets his mind to, I also believe that the stress of keeping that commitment will make him (and me) unhappy. Now I'm contemplating canceling the camping trip because I'm so upset about this that it's all I'll be thinking/worrying about the whole vacation. I'm sorry to unload this on you gals, but there really is no one else I can talk to about it considering it's all confidential.
What do you think? Do you think I should trust that he can manage it? Or am I right to believe that this is simply the worst timing and that he needs to wait for another opportunity in the future? Should we go camping anyway? How should I deal with this? I know he feels guilty for having me deal with this while I'm pregnant and emotional, but regardless, it's what's happening. I just don't know what to do.
tied the knot 06/07. m/c 12/09. KLC born 12/24/12. #2 edd 02/03/13!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I need some advice (long)
I agree with this, is he willing to ask for outside help?
I agree with pp. I think the vacation can only help, as it will give you work-free couple time in which to talk things over.
It doesn't say anywhere in your post that you disagree with the acquisition from a business standpoint. (If you did, I'd suggest you say something, as I'm assuming this is a family business and would affect your livelihood). Assuming you agree it's a good business opportunity, I would think about what kind of solutions would make the situation manageable from a work-life balance standpoint. For instance, could your husband hire or develop a current employee to take on some of his duties, so he can focus on higher-level strategy and management and maybe be able to work more reasonable hours. Or on the home-front, do you need more help with something in particular ... maybe a maid, a post-partum doula or outsourcing cooking, laundry, etc? If it truly is a winning opportunity for your husband to grow his business, it might be worth giving it a go, but you need to help him understand what you need so that you can be successful as a new mom and wife, as well.
HTH! GL!
Our husbands are in the same business, so I know what you mean.
First I would most definitely go camping, you need this, you deserve it, and heck who knows how long it will be until your next vacation.
As far as the third store, I think you should pose that question to him. What is he going to do in order to make his life manageable? He needs to understand how your lives are going to be changing, and also that you are going to need some extra help. If he wants this third store, he needs to figure out how he's going to make it work. Not sure with paying off the business, how much extra money will be kicking around but any sort of babysitter, house cleaner etc he can get for you would be nice, but also he needs to find a suitable manager or senior employee to take some of the load off of him. I am so sorry.
Thanks ladies. It really made me feel better and more level headed about the whole situation once I read your responses.
We were able to talk on the phone about it between his meetings. I said that I want to support him and don't ever want him to resent me for holding him back. I made it very clear that if he goes ahead with this that he and I will make a written list of expectations and commitments and when any of them are not being met he needs to make an immediate change to remedy it. If it means selling the business and taking a hit then that's what will have to happen. He agreed and said that family was #1 priority. I understand that this could be a really good move business-wise. The current owner will be staying on until the purchase is complete and will take over more responsibility in the store furthest away. MH will do some "restructuring" with the current employees and hopefully get responsible assistant managers in place in all of the shops to whom he can delegate more of the responsibilities he always takes on himself.
I don't feel great about this, I still don't want it to happen, but there really is no other option but to be supportive and move forward with it. We're going to go camping and we've agreed to actually not talk about it on the trip and to do the stipulation write up afterward. I'm still emotional about all of it, but I want to enjoy our week together, especially after not seeing him for so long. Thanks for listening.