Question about baby shower guest

fit4ever1379 · August 2010

I have two brothers and just found out that my mom told both my brothers girlfriend and wife that they can bring their newborn babys (3months) to my baby shower. I didnt want any kids there except my niece's who are 12 & 14 cause they are the older kids.

I told my mom about it and she thinks its no big deal. I feel like the new babies will cause a distraction..and my mom hasent seen them in a while and thats why she wants them there...

What do you girls think?

1BabyFritsch · August 2010

I think people bringing anyone who isnt invited (by invitation) to a baby shower is a BAD idea. I think you should make it clear yyou dont want them to bring there kids and stick with what you originally decided only your neices (who i am assuming were invited) be allowed to come

hopey1kanopey · August 2010

I personally would let it go. A baby that small is not going to be much of a distraction. It's certainly not like having a toddler run around. The baby will probably sleep most of the time, and hopefully the mothers of the babies will have the class to step out if the baby gets fussy to a point that (s)he is inconsolable.

FWIW, I've had babies up to a year old at the baby showers I've hosted. All behaved fine, and if they didn't, the mothers dealt with their needs in such an efficient way I did not know what was going on. They also did not steal any attention from the mother-to-be.

fit4ever1379 · August 2010

I told my mom that and she thinks its no big deal cause the babies are only 3 months old..

Now I know they are both of my brothers kids but kids were not invited.

hopey1kanopey · August 2010

fit4ever1379:
I told my mom that and she thinks its no big deal cause the babies are only 3 months old..

Now I know they are both of my brothers kids but kids were not invited.

Is your mother hosting? Ultimately, the host has the final say on who is or isn't invited?

fit4ever1379 · August 2010

Yes my mother is hosting.

KatieM1106 · August 2010

Well, babies that small need to be with their moms, if the moms are breastfeeding. You are probably stuck. I hope that it's a good day for you, though!

EastCoastBride · August 2010

I hate kids at showers- that is, walking, mobile kids who get into everything.

3 month old babies? They are going to be in their moms arms the entire time, or in the arms of someone.

Here's the reality of any event - showers, weddings, etc - not ALL attention will be on you and only you the entire time. People will be talking and catching up and stuff will be going on that has nothing to do w/ you -whether there are babies there or not.

It sucks that your mom did this w/o talking to you, but what's done is done, and again - really, it's not going to impact the shower.

fit4ever1379 · August 2010

Yeah I was a little disappointed when I found out that the 2 babies would be there only because I told my mom no kids at all. Now half of my cousins have kids and they were told no kids and now my mom is allowing the 2 babies...Im already thinking about what people are gonna be saying...I thought no kids...or whatever.. but Im not gonna let it bother me anymore cause its just stressing me out big time!

EastCoastBride · August 2010

fit4ever1379:
Im already thinking about what people are gonna be saying...

When I've been to showers where obviously kids weren't really invited but someone shows up w/ their kid, I think one of a ocuple things:

1- the guest was rude and just assumed "of course MY child is invited"

2- the guest was rude and just didn't care

3- the guest asked for an exception and perhaps the hostess or guest of honor felt put on the spot and said "Sure, bring LO".

As in- I always give the GUEST the side-eye. Not the host or guest of honor.

fit4ever1379 · August 2010

Yeah your right I guess in this case my mom felt bad not seeing her grandkids for a while and told them to bring the babies..thats what Im gathering.. I know my mom didnt mean any harm but I wish I would have been asked before inviting them since the shower is for me and my guest.

Thanks for advice

babyonthebrain2010 · August 2010

honestly I wouldn't worry about it...

TAMLVSCARL · August 2010

I don't count babies that small as 'kids' at a shower. My shower is ladies only but if my friend who just had a baby a month ago brought her baby I would totally understand. For one thing, she may not have been away from the baby yet, secondly the baby is going to be in her arms the whole time or sleeping or being carried by someone. I don't see it as a big deal at all.

chardonnay24 · August 2010

I actually expect that my shower guests will bring their babies and small children. I didn't think it was something that wasn't "done". There are certain events I would expect guests not to bring children - baby showers are not one of those events.

pam1005 · August 2010

Let it go. Not everyone thinks of baby showers as "no babies" events. I did not invite any kids to my shower, but I somewhat expected a few of my friends to bring their babies (under five months old). Their husbands either work weekends, they were breastfeeding, or they traveled out of town to come to my shower. Honestly, I did not mind having them there. It got me more excited to have my LO and they really just slept most of the time. I remember at that age I had a hard time leaving DS at that age, because of my husband's work schedule. I would look at it this way: you could say something and maybe offend them and they not come, or just ignore it and enjoy your day.

mrsschrager · August 2010

Personally I have no problem with kids being at my shower but to each their own.. my shower with ds had a few kids my shower this time is going to have A LOT of kids.. most of my friends/family have kids. like pp said babies that small probibly need to be with their moms as they are probibly breastfeeding.. but if there are older kids say 2-10 there I think you have a right to say something.

krista613 · August 2010

the only way i can see around it is telling your mom something along the lines of "soon ill have my own baby, id rather this just be a women's event, soon my life will be consumed with baby, i dont want a celebration of me and my pregnancy to be inundated with babies, since im looking at this as kind of my last time to hang out with my friends as a non-mom" something like that.

Twinkyiam · August 2010

I guess im just the "odd ball out" here! I welcomed spouse's & children on the invite. My baby is just as much my SO's as mine so we both wanted a Co-ed shower & im very family oriented so i knew that both men & children would come! Im not going to tell certain ppl they cant bring their kids when i want other "kids" there. That to me is rude. I absolutely HAVE to have my niece at my shower! I adore her & she's only 11 but y invite her & tell others, NO you cant bring yours........1: to us, the more the merrier! 2: I was SOOO hurt when my SO's uncle got married & they said absolutely NO children but once i saw pix, there were kids all over the place but i was told i couldnt come with my 7yr old but they had 3-8yr olds there. I took it personally!! I say let it go b/c if you think about it, those who bring their kids usually dont have a sitter but dont want to flake on your shower either so they are stuck between a rock & a hard place!! Those ppl are there for YOU, you'll still be #1 that day!

RoxyLynn · August 2010

I'm so sorry that your mother decided her wishes were more important than yours, and that your relatives lack the simple understanding that the only ones invited were the ones listed on the invite.

Just make the best of it. Hopefully they'll sleep.

Emjay221 · August 2010

fit4ever1379:
I told my mom that and she thinks its no big deal cause the babies are only 3 months old..

Now I know they are both of my brothers kids but kids were not invited.

I'm surprised no one else pointed this out yet so I will...

TRANSLATION:

"I don't want people paying any attention to the babies. I want all the attention. ME ME ME!!!!!! My baby is the only baby that matters!!"

That is the only distraction she could possibly be concerned about. I mean, really... come on. They will likely be in there car seats or their mom's arms the entire time. It's not like they will be running around. "The kids were not invited"... honestly, who would think a 3 month old needs an invite, and I would just not come if I was told that the newborns couldn't go.

No one will say how come my toddler or school age couldn't come and the infant could. You should be more concerned with the 12-year-old. She's young enough that someone might ask why she could go and the other "kids" couldn't.

Mrs. TLC · August 2010

chardonnay24:
I actually expect that my shower guests will bring their babies and small children. I didn't think it was something that wasn't "done". There are certain events I would expect guests not to bring children - baby showers are not one of those events.

this. i personally think baby showers are about just that - babies. I know if it was my shower i would actually encourage my friends to bring their babies (like under 6mo) to the shower - there's just something about having babies around me right now that makes me happy!

but ultimately it is your shower. at this point i would let it go. what are you worried they are going to "distract" from?

babies that young should be with their mothers, i would never think there was anything wrong with a baby that young at a baby shower.

RoxyLynn · August 2010

Emjay221:

I'm surprised no one else pointed this out yet so I will...

TRANSLATION:

"I don't want people paying any attention to the babies. I want all the attention. ME ME ME!!!!!! My baby is the only baby that matters!!"

That is the only distraction she could possibly be concerned about.

So.... the idea that she wanted to enjoy a day of adult company is just ridiculous, and selfishness is the only possible reason? INTERESTING.

1BabyFritsch · August 2010

I think most people are missing the point on this post about what the socially accaptable thing to do is. Everyone is SO WORRIED on her about who is hosting the party or who everyone is inviting and then when it comes down to the fact that you specifically stated to guest NO KIDS regaurdless of age they completly disregaurd and do what they want to do.
Also, this party IS about you and YOUR baby not these women or your mom or DH. SO for women to say you are wanting it all about you is rude. If you dont want them there TELL them Seriously if these women cannot leave thier chilldren for 2 hours then that's a new issue they neeed to work on.

EastCoastBride · August 2010

Mrs. TLC:

i personally think baby showers are about just that - babies. I know if it was my shower i would actually encourage my friends to bring their babies (like under 6mo) to the shower - there's just something about having babies around me right now that makes me happy!

And if this works for you, great.

I personally don't see baby showers as being about "all" babies. I see it about being for the ONE baby that is about to be born. It's about celebrating THAT mother and HER baby.

If that mother wants other babies there (like you do), fantastic. NOthing wrong with it. But at the same time, if that mother would prefer to not have other kids there and wants it to be an adult only event, there is nothing wrong w/ that either.

annedBay · August 2010

holy shiit - you have one of the longest siggies i've ever seen.

the "it's all about meeeeeee!" mentality is so unattractive. whothefuck cares if there are babies there. it's a BABY shower!

LauranBilly · August 2010

Me personally if i was told No babies/kids and i got to the shower and there were other babies/kids there. Id be a little upset that i couldnt bring mine. Id aslo be upset that i had to find some one to watch my LO.

PunkyBooster · August 2010

It was rude of your mom. However, a baby that young sleeps and eats and that is it. I'll bet they sleep the entire time. Besides, if moms are BF-ing, they may need to be near the baby.

missymo · August 2010

I go to about a million showers a year (hyperbole, of course) and in my family ALL females...including babies...are invited. It's also not unheard of for women to bring their tiny boy babies as well. For some reason, boy toddlers don't come...but all girls usually do. Must be a family thing. I love being around everyone and seeing children I don't see on a regular basis.

If I were you, I would just let it go. I'm not sure what you mean by "distraction." Do you mean you are afraid they will take the attention away from you? If that is your concern I would honestly just get over it. People are there to give you gifts and help welcome your baby - I don't think a coupla kids will change that.

rhubarb123 · August 2010

Is it possible that those two women wouldn't be able to come if they didn't bring their babies? Like...if they are nursing it would be very difficult. I know my baby ate every 2-2 1/2 hours and was not introduced to a bottle by 3 months (and I didn't even have that much milk stored yet). I really don't consider 3 month olds "kids".

I guess if you didn't want kids there shouldn't have been ANY kids invited. Did you specifically tell your mom you didn't want your brothers' babies there? Maybe she figured if you were OK with having a couple of nieces you wouldn't mind a couple more? Like maybe there was a miscommunication between you and your mom. Were your nieces' names actually ON the invite?

You can certainly have your mom call your brothers and tell them that she was mistaken and no kids are allowed (including their 3 month olds) but then she'd have to explain why 2 older "kids" are allowed. Most certainly there will be hurt feelings (but maybe not because those 2 women may not be able to come if their babies can't). Hard situation at this point.

nicole112709 · August 2010

It is a BABY shower! Did you not invite any married people to your wedding?

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