Advice needed - friend separated from husband

KristysRedBarn · August 2010

I have a friend coming over for supper tomorrow evening. She's going through a pretty rough time. She and her DH have separated. I don't know details, and that's okay. Any advice on how I can be the best type of friend? I know some people view divorce as being contagious, much like they view m/c as contagious. I don't want to be one of "those". Nor do I want to be one of those friends who only invites her to supper to be nosey.

Also, some of you have mentioned busy bones? What are they and where do I find one? Pepper can sometimes be less than polite when we have guests.

jen629 · August 2010

Honestly you are so sweet I think you are being the best type of friend to her....I would follow her lead ..if she wants to talk about it let her ...Maybe you can just ask would you like to talk about it ?..if not I am hear to listen if/when you are.....

schen0510 · August 2010

I agree with Jen completely. I think that if she is ready and wants to talk about it she will...at which point the best thing you can do is listen. When you think about it...separating from her DH is a loss...maybe not the same as our losses but a loss in some respect and sometimes we just like people to listen. You are an amazing friend. ((hugs)) to you!

butterfly843 · August 2010

You sound like a great friend. I would just follow her lead and listen to her if she needs to talk. My dog loves busy bones, the supermarket, target and pet stores all have them.

dondraandluis · August 2010

I agree with everyone else. If she talks about then I would go with it as long as she is comfortable. That is nice that you are having her over, I hope y'all have a nice dinner.

The busy bones you can get at Wal-Mart, Target, pet stores, and usually even grocery stores.

dandyelle · August 2010

I totally agree with PP's. You are so kind and thoughtful, I imagine anything you said would be received well.

Mocha Girl · August 2010

If it was my friend, I would give her a big hug when she came over and would tell her that I'm there for her if she ever wants to talk. I would leave it at that and not bring it up again until she was ready to talk.

You are such a thoughtful person, I'm sure everything will go well tomorrow. (((hugs)))

P.S. A peanut butter kong does the trick for my pup and if I want to keep her busy longer, I freeze it.

maceymay1816 · August 2010

In regards to your friend I agree that you should let her take the lead and just listen. Things have been very difficult for me and DH the last few months and the best friends I have just listened to me vent, listened to me cry, cried with me and hugged me often. Just being there for her is so important. Then after she leaves you make sure you hug/ kiss your DH and thank him for being a good husband. All marriages have their challenges and this process certainly can test the strongest of couples, but when you're lucky enough to have a good man you have to let him know that. Listening to some else's challenges makes you appreciate what you have and that's how divorce stops being contagious.

As for the busy bones, my dog loves them. When I want to keep her occupied for a long time though, I use the Kong Stuffing, peanut butter flavored (or just peanut butter) and fill a hollow bone with it. She'll be working that an hour.

lunatwo · August 2010

Here's one word of advice from someone who is there. Don't bad mouth him even if she talks negatively about him. It doesn't help, even though you think you are just agreeing with her that he is doing something wrong. It's OK if she says it, but for some reason it hurts when someone else says it.

Otherwise, just let her talk. That's probably all she needs. You have no idea how much it helps to talk to a friend in that situation. You will help her more than you realize.

uklawgirl · August 2010

lunatwo:
Here's one word of advice from someone who is there. Don't bad mouth him even if she talks negatively about him. It doesn't help, even though you think you are just agreeing with her that he is doing something wrong. It's OK if she says it, but for some reason it hurts when someone else says it.

Otherwise, just let her talk. That's probably all she needs. You have no idea how much it helps to talk to a friend in that situation. You will help her more than you realize.

::butting in here::

I've been divorced and I have to agree with Luna 100%. The other really great thing that my friends did with me is to keep things normal. Do all the things that you would normally do with her. When I was going through my divorce my friends kept me sane by helping me keep my mind off of it. I thought and worried about my divorce all day anyway-- at work, trying to go to sleep, and every other waking moment-- having friends to keep me grounded in normal, everyday things we always did together helped keep me from becoming very depressed.

I think it's great of you to be so concerned, Kristy. I wish all the best for your friend.

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