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Indiana Babies
Val&B0604
member
trivial vent
Val&B0604
member
Dearest Husband,
I don't know what about summer made you think it was okay to not take the trash to the curb on Tuesday morning. But your summer is over and now we get to smell rotting potatoes for a whole week! Please remember this next week.
Love,
Your wife
/vent Feel free to add your own.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: trivial vent
Ugh, Val, that's annoying.
Dear House,
Please clean yourself.
Love,
Lauren
Dear Daycare,
I know you're trying to prevent this biting thing from happening, but it doesn't seem like you're doing enough. If I came in and bit you, you wouldn't like it very much. Please come up with some better solutions.
Sincerely,
The bitee's momma
Dear DH,
I'm sorry this remodel is taking so long, but please stop being so grouchy. We don't have the extra $$ to have it hired out, and we're almost done, so please hang in there.
Love,
Your equally frustrated wife
I was just getting ready to post open letters
Dear missing camera card,
Please reappear on my desk with all of the photos from May. I'm going to be really upset if you're gone forever.
Thanks,
Really upset mom trying to order pictures
--------------
Dear lobster of a husband,
Good for you for staining the deck, but next time you might want to wear sunscreen. The fact that you are completely charred and incapable of doing anything but sit on the couch makes me want to beat you senseless with tissue poms.
Love,
Grumpy
--------------
Dear tissue poms,
Please begin to look more like Martha Stewart's and less like something the cat got hold of.
Thanks,
The non-Martha Stewart
Dear molars,
Please stop taking forever to pop through. All your little buddies next to you has not caused this much pain for my kids.
Sincerely,
A loving mom who wants her happy toddlers back
Dear Head,
Please quit hurting, mkay?
Thanks,
Your owner
Dear stomach,
Listen buddy. You will not DIE if you don't get pizza, garlic bread, bread sticks, etc. Just cut it out already and behappy with the clementine that I just gave you.
Dear boxes,
Quit going forth and multiplying. While you're at it, unpacking yourselves would be great. Thanks.
xoxo,
eclaires
------------------------
Dear MIL,
I'm not going to feel bad when you never get to see your grandkids. Messing w/ me while pregnant is a definite way to earn a spot on my permanent sh*tlist. I can hold a grudge for years. Maybe decades. So, if you continue to act like a child, and don't apologize, get ready for some pain. Lots of pain.
YWIA for the advice!
hugs,
eclaires
Dearest, dearest MIL,
If you refer to Bugbear as "your baby" one more time, I am going to take the five pounds of someone else's meat mix that you call "your cooking" off the stove and beat you over the head with it until your skull is soft enough to understand that this is not your child, and should not be referred to as such. Since rephrasing it as "your GRANDbaby" every time has not yet worked, I can only imagine that you keep doing this because you fell on your head and forgot to re-gain basic comprehension of genetics. No matter your Jocasta complex, it is NOT.YOUR.CHILD. Piss off before I not only beat you, but accidentally forget to tell you when Bugbear arrives. I already would rather pay a stranger than let you sit my child, and your pushiness is not going to get you anything good.
Sincerely,
The MOTHER of your GRANDchild
&&&&&&&&&&
Dear SIL,
Pretending to kidnap my fetus is not funny. Threatening to kidnap my fetus is not funny. Saying that you're going to steal my baby is not funny. I'm sorry that you're a creep, but I'm even more sorry that you don't realize you're an inappropriate creep. It's going to make it very difficult to get you to understand why my child will never be left with you.
Sincerely,
Me.
Ugh.
Mother's Day, 2011
Hallelujah. Amen.
Dear Teddy,
So, I know "mama" has been a little preoccupied lately and not able to pa as much attention to you but if you could do me a solid and stop barking at every.freaking.noise. that'd be great. And while you're at it, cut out the shedding. Thanks. We'd all appreciate it!
Love,
"mama"
Dear Sellers,
I'm sorry that you spent WAY too much money remodeling your home but the fact is that you are not going to get all that money back. If you back out of this deal, the next buyer will also get an appraisal and it will also be low. And quit trying to threaten us with this supposed all cash buyer that is out there. If they were really out there and ready to close, why would you be messing around with us? The sooner you get reasonable, the sooner we can close and move on with our lives. Sounds like a plan? Great, thanks.
Regards, your quickly losing patience buyers.
Dear Wisdom Tooth,
Please stop hurting. This is freaking unbearable. 5 days of constant throbbing and feeling like I've been punched in the face is enough, especially when I can't take ibuprofen. I promise I will remove you in, like, a year, if you just stop hurting. Seriously. I'm in tears. Begging.
-In Pain
P.S. Haven't I always been good to you? I brush you and give you good things to chew on. I thought we were friends.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Daycare,
Why in the world would you bend your "12 months and over" rule to take a 7-month-old? There is no way that she can conform to the other kids' one nap a day and meal schedule. NO WAY. Plus, she needs to be held all day since she can't crawl or walk. It's totally, completely unfair to the rest of the kids and it makes me sick that you're obviously that desperate for kids (i.e. money). If you're going to take her on, please hire another teacher because she will need her very own.
Oh, and while I'm at it, thanks a BUNCH for agreeing to take a "developmentally delayed" 2.5 year old who can't walk or talk yet. Perhaps you could have recommended a facility more equipped to handle him. Just an idea.
I'm so glad that these two kids are going to be in my daughter's room. Please don't forget she's there.
-Frustrated Mom
P.S. I'm glad we'll be done with you in November when DH goes back to being a SAHD.
Dear Body,
Please lose weight and give me a six pack overnight.
Love, Your out of shape owner
~GRACIE JEAN 7-5-08~
Dear Olive the Dog:
We love you, but you have to quit running in front of cars! As much as I know you like to run around without your leash, I will have to do it because you just can't comprehend that you need to stay in the soft plush grass and out of the hard disgusting street. The cars are only going to stop for you so many times. You used to be so good at staying in the yard, but all of the sudden you feel the need to run wild. Why? Please stop!
Love,
Your very tired Mommy that is getting too big to run around the neighborhood after you :-(
Dear House,
Thank you for the 4 years of great memories. You have been an awesome first house for me. And now it's time for you to be an awesome house for someone else. So, please sell. And, while you're at it, could you please stop falling apart? First the AC, then the garage door and now the light fixture in the laundry room? Seriously? There was no reason for that to fall and shatter into 5 million pieces. Hold it together buddy!
Thanks,
Your loving owner
Dear Louisiana House,
Please sell. SOON! I am not looking forward to having 2 mortgages and rent so if you could sell by oh, October 1st, I would really appreciate it.
Thanks,
Your Indiana homeowners
----------------
Dear Landlord,
I know this is a college town, but how about when I talk to you in about a month, you decide you will in fact let us out of our lease so that we don't have to pay 2 mortgages and rent. Yes, we can afford it, but it's really not about that. I have better things to spend that money on!
Thanks,
Your renters
ps. Can you please elaborate on why I paid a nonrefundable pet deposit (to pay for carpet cleaning) but am still required to have the carpets professionally cleaned out of my pocket? Thanks!