Funeral Etiquette

Waiting_4_Little_O · August 2010

DH's aunt passed away yesterday. She had struggled with a mental illness and drug and alcohol addictions. We hope she has finally found peace.

I am just unsure about funeral etiquette regarding DD. We most likely will have to bring her, Is that bad? Also what should she wear? It seems everything she owns is pastel or crazy bright colours and patterns, is that innappropriate? Should I see if I can find something more subdued?

luvlieK · August 2010

It depends on religion for colors. At the Wake, I did not take C into the actual viewing room. I thought it inappropriate for him. (18 months at the time, but wouldn't now either). He wore khakis, a white button down shirt and a little black vest. Clearance items lol

For the actual funeral, he wore a blue polo shirt and brown pin striped shorts.

MissyOlivePants · August 2010

I don't think it's bad to bring a young baby. Babies have a way to bring smiles to peoples faces when they are needed. (JMO) And I don't think it matters what you have her wear. I think most people aren't into the whole dark colors as much anymore, so I think a pastel should be fine.

I anticipate having to attend a funeral in a few days - but as DD is 2, I can't imagine taking her right now.

littleanomaly · August 2010

I think young babies are more than welcome at funerals. As for the colors.. it would depend on the type of funeral and the people involved. I wore bright red to my grandpa's funeral and I was 12, but it was a suicide and we didn't really have time to go find anything else. I still don't think it would be inappropriate for a baby to wear colors. If you'd take her in it to church, it should be funeral-appropriate, kwim?

Temp76535187505890 · August 2010

I think it would perfectly fine to bring your daughter. We took DS to my father's funeral last year and he wore khaki pants with a baby blue polo.

ELPB · August 2010

I personally wouldn't take a baby to a funeral, but I don't think it's against etiquette to do so (we just have plenty of access to family- both sides- for babysitters, and would feel more comfortable with that).

As for colors, I've never seen anyone get upset at babies/children wearing colors at a funeral. My thought is that I would put LO in more solid colors than something printed and cutesy... but honestly, I doubt anyone would be upset with what LO is wearing.

SWBs Wifey · August 2010

My grandmother did in March. DS was 6 months old and I had no other choice but to take him. So I did. He wore a 1 piece Polo outfit. Navy blue with thin white stripes. Some people don't like having babies there, but others love it... you'll never please everyone. My Grandmother was very cooky and many of us weren't sure how we felt about her death, so it was nice for us to have a distraction, in a way.

Waiting_4_Little_O · August 2010

SWBs Wifey:

My grandmother did in March. DS was 6 months old and I had no other choice but to take him. So I did. He wore a 1 piece Polo outfit. Navy blue with thin white stripes. Some people don't like having babies there, but others love it... you'll never please everyone. My Grandmother was very cooky and many of us weren't sure how we felt about her death, so it was nice for us to have a distraction, in a way.

This is DH's family exactlly. DH's aunt did alot of bad things to his family, but in the end she is family and we would like to remember how she was before the mental illness took hold. So sad.

melsie · August 2010

if you are nursing, take her. if not see if you can have someone watch her for a bit then keep your visit brief.

In my experience she can wear whatever is cute. the drab and grieving clothing (black) doesn't really apply to babies. something dressy but not overly bright, pastel would be appropriate.

i'm sorry for your loss. we just lost DH's grandfather the week before father's day. we opted to have my sister watch DD since she's not young enough to sit for that long or act appropriately. If we had taken her I would have spent more time out in the parking lot playing with her than supporting my husband and his family.

Lotte134 · August 2010

MissyOlivePants:
I don't think it's bad to bring a young baby. Babies have a way to bring smiles to peoples faces when they are needed. (JMO) And I don't think it matters what you have her wear. I think most people aren't into the whole dark colors as much anymore, so I think a pastel should be fine.

I agree. My grandfather died about 6 weeks ago and we took DS to the funeral and everyone enjoyed having him there. He wore black pants and a pastel blue button down shirt.

mzovoce · August 2010

We took Brooks to my aunt's funeral two weeks ago. He wore a seersucker romper. No one will care what the babe wears. But if you have anything white that is acceptable for for infants and children.

Sapphyr · August 2010

Babies at a funeral dressed in regular clothes I think is fine. Colors depend on you. I can tell you when my aunt died several people were wearing shades of purple which was appropriate because it was her favorite color.

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