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redshoegirl
member
how can they get away with this?!
redshoegirl
member
I've said before that I don't have a problem with appropriate spanking (i.e., a *single light swat* on the hand an older child as a very last resort), and I'll stand by that...but I've just discovered "spanking advocates" Michael and Debi Pearl and I'm horrified at what they write about.
Here's an excerpt from one of their advice articles on their website - a mother asking for help with her 3-year-old girl, who wasn't "accepting" a spanking properly, got out of bed at night and put her shoes on the wrong feet:
...when you do spank, make sure that it is forceful enough to get her undivided attention. If she can scream "huggie" while you are spanking her, you are probably not spanking hard enough.
....
If she gets out of bed, go in there, and without saying a word, give her one or two licks?whatever it takes to get her back in bed. If she rushes to obey when she hears you coming, give her five licks anyway.
....
If she puts her shoes on backwards, do not threaten or complain, just commence giving her licks right on her feet or ankles until she gets her shoes on the right feet. If she takes her shoes off in the yard, do not warn her, just go out in the yard and spank her feet until she finds her shoes and puts them back on.
This is NOT spanking. It is NOT disciplining a child. This is ABUSE. I'm not so naive as to think that it doesn't happen, but this is so...blatant. It's not behind closed doors - they write articles like this advising other parents about how to beat their children (and even a book!). Yes, freedom of the press, but they talk about doing this to their own kids and children that they babysit - why haven't they been hauled up with charges of child abuse? I don't understand how they can get away with this.
And I can't believe that people are taking their advice. I would be apocalyptic if anyone suggested I beat one of my boys, regardless of their age or the issue.
I am shaking with rage right now. Literally shaking.
ETA: OK, I just found out that their kids are grown, so that's probably why they can't be charged? But I still give a huge side eye to any publisher who OKs this material, and any book stores that sell it.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: how can they get away with this?!
WOW!! They advise spanking just because the 3 yrs old put her shoes on the wrong feet? Seriously?! Maybe instead of spanking they should teach her how she knows which shoe goes on which foot... just a thought.
I'm against spanking Bella but I was raised by getting spanked often... I'm not sure how to break the cycle exactly but I think the naughty chair will be my friend. I need to do some research on proper disciplining because I don't want to spank Bella at all... That's just our thoughts on discipline. I think there are plenty of other ways out there to discipline...
Good for you Sarah...both DH and I grew up in dysfunctional households (active addicts) which resulted in physical and emotional abuse and we are bound and determined to do better with our own children. I am looking into the "Love and Logic" program and also exploring gentle discipline techniques. Physical and mental intimidation is not a sound parenting choice IMHO...
TTC/PG Blog | Mommy Blog
Good for you to want to break the cycle!
I suppose I'm not anti-spanking because although I was spanked growing up, it was VERY rare (like count-on-one-hand rare, and I distinctly remember that at least in one instance I actually thought to myself, "Yup, I deserved that!") and extremely mild. "Spanking" probably isn't even the right word lol...at any rate, I can definitely see why someone who grew up with regular spankings would have a different point of view.
The naughty chair is my first choice as well - I think time outs can be extremely effective if used properly (i.e., for appropriate amounts of time for the child's age). I'm also a big fan of psychological warfare (for lack of a better phrase lol - you know I don't actually mean "warfare").
oh gosh - the shoe example is horrible! That poor child will be scared of shoes her whole life.
I was never spanked but (I think I have said this before) my mom would pull (not very hard) my pony/pig tail(s) which sounds absolutely horrible but actually wasn't that I can remember. She said it was just what her mom, grandma, great grandma did and I have confirmed with other people that it's kind of cultural for natives in this area and maybe more. She didn't like doing it and stopped but I do remember thinking I knew when that happened that I had really pushed the limits...
hmmm, now that I think about it - not sure what happens if you are a boy...
regardless, even though that wasn't painful or what not I don't plan to spank, pull a ponytail or anything. timeouts and rational discussions when appropriate is for me.
Oh yes, I remember you saying this before! So it was just a tug on the ponytail? Like to get your attention before a scolding? Or was it considered the actual punishment (even if it wasn't very hard)?
We were spanked often and rarely put in timeouts. I think there's a way to do timeouts and to talk to the child and then explain why they are there (I'm thinking supernanny style)... I should talk to my aunt and uncle. They have somehow raised 3 kids that are great, responsible, respectful kids that obey the rules. They are awesome, seriously! I actually enjoy spending tons of time with them because they are so well behaved. I should ask her what they did to keep their kids in line, I know there was NO spanking because they don't believe in that...
I wonder at what age time outs should start, I know when I taught daycare we did them in the 3 yr old class. We would do it for 3 minutes and then talk with them about what they did. I think for the most part it worked but there were times for sure that it didn't.
this. It wasn't the actual punishment (like... be still so I can yank your hair - that would be scary). It was kind of a final warning before I got sent to another room. The biggest thing was if I was doing something disrespectful to "elders" (anyone grandparent age, and sometimes parent age) like interrupting, being rude (I remember always trying to tell my great-aunt that she smelled - i hated her perfume) or getting in to things I shouldn't be (I was totally nosy and would always want to go through people's things when we visited). hmmmm, maybe I was kind of naughty!
I had almost forgotten about it but I see moms doing it in the community where I work all the time so then I remembered and asked my mom about it and we figure it definitely must be some cultural thing b/c where I grew up and where I work are different communities.
Same. I was spanked as a kid but don't plan to have any of that in our house. I can't believe they advocated it for putting shoes on the wrong feet! That is so mean!
Malia & Dave & Alexa
Happily married since 2-17-08! Three since 9-9-09!
Baby Blog
A friend of mine who has a 3-yr old does timeouts. She said it doesn't have to be a particular length of time (like 3 mins), it just has to be long enough for them to calm down and realize that they are being punished and why. So it could be just 30 seconds or 1 minute -- or much longer. And when they calm down, you can tell them it's over but remind them not to do what they were doing.
(She put her son in a time-out because he was sharing the kiddie pool with Alexa and his 6-mo-old baby brother and continued to splash the babies in a rough way when she told him to stop. Alexa was fine with it, but the point was she asked him not to splash them and he deliberately did it anyway.)
Malia & Dave & Alexa
Happily married since 2-17-08! Three since 9-9-09!
Baby Blog