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February 2011 Moms
Update on ::On no::
I was lying in bed tonight and received a text from my sister. I haven't spoken to her since telling my mother, so apparently, Mom did the honors of letting the entire family know.
The text is as follows...
"How could you do this to our family? Have you ever thought about what having a black baby will do to Mom and our reputaion? If you want to alienate your entire family because of a dumba** desicion, then that is your choice, but don't expect any of us to support you. I love you, but will not accept a black child and you have fun telling Grandpa about it. You are embarrasing us and I hope you realize that."
Just wanted to give you an update. I appreciate the responses I received from my last post, and was hoping from your similar situations that all might end up well, but it's looking as if they may not. My sister and mother have also stated that if need be, will speak to my son's father (Ex-husband) about trying to get custody of him because of this. WTH?!
I was really happy about this pregnancy, and now it's all just very upsetting. DELUSIONAL, EFFED UP FAMILY!!
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Re: Update on ::On no::
Good Lord!
A) Do not worry about losing custody b/c you're having a biracial child. That is preposterous and only said b/c they want to hurt and scare you into behaving how they want you to. No judge on this planet would touch that suit.
I type from experience. We sadly had to do this with my in-laws. We, too, gave up a large inheritance. But it has made our life better for not being abused and degraded constantly.
This! I'm so sorry you are going through this! They sound like horrible people! Why are they so racist?
Are they a "famous" family or something? What reputation do they have to worry about? The fact they they're will to alienate a family member due to having a bi-racial child, I think they ruined their reputation themselves. It would be a much better for them if they were known for loving the new little addition in the family instead of banishing their daughter/granddaughter. That will probably make their reputation worse. Lastly I want to throat punch your sister, she's a douche! And ((HUGS)) to you!
Hi leah - I just caught up on your two posts. First of all, I'm really sorry you're going through this. It's upsetting to feel disappointed in your family.
I really liked jessw's comment in your last "oh no" post -- the important thing to do is for you to continue to be who you are.
You said that you have been with your fiance for 8 years, right? When are you planning on getting married? I would move on that sooner rather than later, just to show the family that you are 100% serious about this relationship and your future with this man.
As for your mom's and sister's comments, and the threat of ruining the family's reputation and killing off your grandfather (!!!) -- just be open and honest with your choices. If they want to cut you off, fine, you can't change their behavior. But you have control over your own behavior and I encourage you to OWN your choices. My husband has a good friend who has been a relationship (and engaged for years) to this Asian-American girl, and the entire family has kept it a secret because of the "racist" grandfather. They had to delay their wedding plans until he passed away (talk about a downer). I have never agreed with this choice. I think you need to be honest with your family and allow them to surprise you. And hey, if they end up being nasty -- that's on them. Keep you, your future husband, and your children away from the negativity, and it may all work out as jessw said in the end. Happy families and cute babies have been known to bring people back around... so concentrate on these things that you can control! Good luck!
I'm really sorry you're having to deal with this. And I would completely cut ties with my family over this. I will not stand for racism, period.
It sucks that your family is acting this way, and you can only hope that someday they'll come to their senses. If the idea of having a biracial grandchild kills your grandfather...well, the world just got one racist smaller. And I know that probably sounds harsher than I mean it...but I can't think of a better way to word it right now.
And ditto the PP. No court would ever try to take a child from a stable, loving home because the mother was having a biracial baby. In fact, I'm one of those, that if pushed hard enough would truly embarrass the family. If your family is well known in the community, I'd be talking to the papers about being "disowned" because of your biracial baby.
UGH, Leah - that really sucks. I, like everyone else, am so sorry you have to go through this. This might not make you feel much better right now, but at least you are who you are IN SPITE of your family. You're clearly not the racist, delusional product of the people who raised you, and you can take solace in that. Your baby is going to be a great person because of his/her mother, and the truth is that your baby will most likely benefit from not having your family in its life.
I hope that your fiance has a nice family that you can become a part of. And also, they can't get custody of your son "if need be." There is no "need" for that. That just shows how ridiculous their line of thinking is, that they really think your son having a black sibling is going to be so detrimental that they need to come "save" him.
I say just don't respond and don't let them get to you. Easier said than done, I know. But stay strong!
m/c 12/25/09 (5w5d) mm/c D&C 4/9/10 (11w1d) Take home baby 2/22/11
My boobies belong to cour10e
Thanks to all of you!
We come from a small town in Ohio, and my family is the most "well known", so they feel like everyone will look at them differently. They have always been so scared of what the community will think of them.
I just can't believe that my sister didn't even try to call me or talk to me in any way to find out how I felt before bashing me in text messages! My FI is really upset about this ( as he should be) and told me they are not welcome in our home unless and until they can apologize for their actions. I completely support that.
As for the custody threat, not only was it because of my having a bi-racial child, but because I'm currently in college and not employed. Instead of being supportive that I'm trying to further my education for my child(ren), and my FI is working is a** off 7 days a week to support this family, they are making threats and saying very disrespectful things to intentionally hurt me.
I told my mother yesterday that she'd actually look like a real mother if she supported this in the eyes of this town, rather than cut me out of the family. Her response? "I don't want to cut you out. I just want this to all go away, and then I wouldn't have to."
Your mom sounds like a peach. I hope you told her where to shove it
.
I think you're an amazing woman for being able to come out of that family not as racist and bigoted as the rest of them. Bravo to you!
That is terrible...
I agree that I would move the wedding plans on as soon as possible. It's terribly old fashion, but people may feel differently if when your FI is your husband. Go have a beautiful private ceremony on a beach! Not that you have anything to prove though.
Is your mother confusing herself with a Rockefeller? Sorry but you live in small town Ohio, I'm guessing grandpa isn't buying or selling Wall Street. Your mom needs to enter 2011 and take a look around. Most of the families in the US with real social clout or class have bi-racial members somewhere in their family trees.
Your mom sounds like uneducated appalachian trash. The mere thought that she could take your child away because their half sibling is bi-racial is entirely too moronic for me to understand.
Wow....gotta love the values of some people. I am bi-racial myself. My mother actually put me up for adoption because she didn't want to raise a mixed child on her own (yet she dated my black father for 5 years and suddenly race was an issue. nice.). I'm sure they will eventually come around and if not then GOOD becaue your child doesn't need any of that nor do you. Also, what a jacka** your husband would look to the courts for trying to go after custody becausae you are having a bi-racial child. It would be like me going after ex (who is white and has a new white wife) if t hey have a child because I don't want my son around that...ya. They would probably take my son away or have me evaluated for potentially bringing my child up as a racist. My ex-husbands mom had an issue with my race but LOVES my son even though she tried to ignore him the first couople months. I'm sad and mad for you! I am having the first bi-racial child in my Fiances family. He is from a VERY small town up north with no black people. His family is very accepting though which is a relief. If you need someone to talk to for support let me know.
Dana
Thanks so much. My family never spoke about racism when I was growing up, and they've known about myFI for years now, and never seemed to have an issue with him. My mom always said she "loves" him, yet never really recognized we were together. She'd always just act like we were friends. I'm sure she was just in denial.
I'm glad you're in-laws are accepting of you. Mine are as well. FI's family could care less that I'm white. Her only issue before was that her son was actually in a serious relationship and she had a hard time dealing with that. (Mama's Boy.) Lol.
WHAT F'N CENTURY ARE THESE PEOPLE LIVING IN????
I feel sorry for you. Your family REALLY sucks.
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And all of this. Especially the bolded.