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DH wants to take a TTC break....WWYD? (kinda long)

CrispityCrispity member
in Trying to Get Pregnant

DH and I had agreed that we would take a few months off if our second IUI didn't work. There are a few reasons why this would make sense (my brother's wedding, a planned vacation, etc.), but the primary one would be to provide an emotional breather for both of us (especially me). We were forced to take a 2 cycle break when I had surgery to remove a polyp, and I was happier than I had been in a long time. I don't seem to be able to "just relax" while TTC, and that's not likely to change any time soon.

I was on board with the whole break thing until this morning, when I had a temp drop and a negative HPT. I had stupidly convinced myself that this was the cycle (great s/a numbers, good 7 DPO progesterone, and a "good feeling" about the IUI), and I think that's why I agreed on the break to begin with.

Now that I'm almost certain that the 2nd IUI is a bust, a three month break feels like a huge waste of precious time, and I don't know that I can really do it. Emotionally, TTC will be hard whether we continue to do it now or start again in a few months, so I'm not sure that's a great reason to wait. 

DH wants to take the break, and obviously only we can decide, but I don't know if I should try to convince him to change his mind. If you've gotten this far, thanks for reading! What would you do in this situation? If you would want to try, how would you convince DH?

 

 

 

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Re: DH wants to take a TTC break....WWYD? (kinda long)

  • ALF222ALF222 member
    I'm so sorry about the temp drop although you know you're not out til AF shows. On the break issue... Maybe just take it one cycle at a time? I agree that a three month break seems like a long time, so maybe just see how you feel in four weeks and decide if that break was enough. No matter what you decide, good luck! And keep us updated. ::hugs::
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  • CrispityCrispity member

    imagealfontaine:
    I'm so sorry about the temp drop although you know you're not out til AF shows. On the break issue... Maybe just take it one cycle at a time? I agree that a three month break seems like a long time, so maybe just see how you feel in four weeks and decide if that break was enough. No matter what you decide, good luck! And keep us updated. ::hugs::

    Thanks so much for the kind words! DH and I have been kind of looking at this break as all or nothing, but it's a good idea to take it one cycle at a time. He might be more receptive to the idea of trying again after we've taken a cycle off.

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  • blackbird01blackbird01
    Would your break be from another IUI or from all possible ways of TTC? Because I can see wanting a break before giving another IUI a try, but maybe it's not necessary to actually use protection when you have sex. That way you're trying but hopefully won't be as stressed as when dealing with an IUI.
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  • CrispityCrispity member

    imageblackbird01:
    Would your break be from another IUI or from all possible ways of TTC? Because I can see wanting a break before giving another IUI a try, but maybe it's not necessary to actually use protection when you have sex. That way you're trying but hopefully won't be as stressed as when dealing with an IUI.

    We wouldn't be using any form of birth control, but it would be a break from IUI and from using pre-seed, which DH truly hates. Lube is a must for us, so we'd be using regular lube. Our chances of conceiving naturally are already pretty low at this point, and the regular lube wouldn't help any, so I don't expect to get pregnant if we go this route, though I could always be surprised!

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  • luckygal3luckygal3 member

    imageblackbird01:
    Would your break be from another IUI or from all possible ways of TTC? Because I can see wanting a break before giving another IUI a try, but maybe it's not necessary to actually use protection when you have sex. That way you're trying but hopefully won't be as stressed as when dealing with an IUI.

     

    This. And you have to do whats best for you and DH. A 3 month break does seem long so I agree that maybe taking it month by month would be a good option? Sending baby dust, and calming happy thoughts your way. :) 

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  • kimb2dkimb2d member

    I'm sorry.  I hope that taking it month by month helps easy and anxiety you might have.  I am really new at this, but I think it sounds like a great piece of advice. 

     Good luck with everything and my thoughts and prayers are with you!

     

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  • kimb2dkimb2d member

    sorry... meant to say *ease/ not easy

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  • blackbird01blackbird01
    imageCrispity:

    imageblackbird01:
    Would your break be from another IUI or from all possible ways of TTC? Because I can see wanting a break before giving another IUI a try, but maybe it's not necessary to actually use protection when you have sex. That way you're trying but hopefully won't be as stressed as when dealing with an IUI.

    We wouldn't be using any form of birth control, but it would be a break from IUI and from using pre-seed, which DH truly hates. Lube is a must for us, so we'd be using regular lube. Our chances of conceiving naturally are already pretty low at this point, and the regular lube wouldn't help any, so I don't expect to get pregnant if we go this route, though I could always be surprised!

    Then I think taking it month by month is the best idea. And while your chances may not be great, at least you know it won't be impossible for you to get pregnant during your break. Good luck and I hope you can enjoy whatever break you take.

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  • Ya Never KnowYa Never Know member
    Personally, if it were me, I would tell DH how I felt, and if he still wanted to take the break after that, then I wouldn't push it. I know it would suck to have to wait, but we've had to do it before, and I would never put us in a position to be fighting about TTC if it could be avoided by just waiting a month or two. We've had a lot of differences in the past about TTC, then taking breaks etc.. and that has been the best way to deal with it.
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  • CrispityCrispity member
    Thanks so much to everyone for the responses. I'll talk to DH and see how he feels about taking it month by month.

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  • sunandsurfmamasunandsurfmama member

    First of all I am sorry that you are going through this :(

    It sounds like DH is concerned abou your stress level whie actively TTC.  As you mentioned, you said you were happier than you had ever been on your break, and most likely that was because the pressure cooker was off.

    I am certainly not trying to put words into DH's mouth; however, maybe what he is really saying is that heed needs a break from the stress of TTC  NOT necessarily from TTC itself. 

    I know you also mentioned that you are al all or nothing gal when you are TTC but maybe you could meet in the middle somewhere as far the approach during the next cycle.  I know that is not easy for type As like us!

    GL and best wishes whatever you decide.

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  • CrispityCrispity member
    imagesunandsurfmama:

    First of all I am sorry that you are going through this :(

    It sounds like DH is concerned abou your stress level whie actively TTC.  As you mentioned, you said you were happier than you had ever been on your break, and most likely that was because the pressure cooker was off.

    I am certainly not trying to put words into DH's mouth; however, maybe what he is really saying is that heed needs a break from the stress of TTC  NOT necessarily from TTC itself. 

    I know you also mentioned that you are al all or nothing gal when you are TTC but maybe you could meet in the middle somewhere as far the approach during the next cycle.  I know that is not easy for type As like us!

    GL and best wishes whatever you decide.

    Thanks. I talked to DH tonight, and that is exactly what he's worried about. He really wants to take a break from the stress of TTC, and he wants it to be for more than a month. I totally get where he's coming from, but it's still really hard for me to accept a break. Right now, I'm still not sure what we'll do this coming cycle, but we'll definitely make an appointment to talk to the RE about our next steps, whether we take them now or several months from now. I know it will help me to at least have a definitive plan.

     Thanks to everyone for your responses!

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