I'm a Working Momma and my mom and mil's opinions.......

chpswife · August 2010

So my mom and mil think that it's just that easy to quite a full time job and our bills will magically be paid. When my mil asked how much time I will have, I said about 8 - 10 weeks....she replies with "Oh. That is not near enough time for baby" I said, " I understand that but unfortunately DH and I are not in a position as of yet for me to just quit. We are using this school year to get our ducks in a row so I can stay home next year" Her reply "Well, I wish you didn't have to work but I guess you know what you're doing." WHAT?!? Just curious do you pay my bills? No!

Mom's response, " make sure baby is not passed around for daycare. It would be better if you could stay home but I guess you know what you're doing." OMG!!! Mom did you talk to my mil? Angry

If they are trying to make me feel guilty, it's working......... Anyone else getting grief on being a working momma?

FromBtoZ · August 2010

Having been raised by a working mom (both DH and I) I am fortunate that I am receiving sympathy that I can't stay home. My dilemma is we don't make enough money to afford any of the daycares in our area, but we don't make enough for me to stay home either. I'm at a loss as to what to do. I'm considering getting a second job, or trying to work out a different shift but that will be difficult since I work in an office with only 3 other people.

KatieM1106 · August 2010

My MIL says 8 weeks is "too soon." But already two of those weeks are unpaid!

Temp103605875001677 · August 2010

My MIL and BIL are making a lot of comments about me going back after "only twelve weeks". My mom fully supports me. She stayed at home with me, but was a working mom with my brother and sister.

Try not to let them stress you out. Everything will be fine. Your child will do fine. Interaction at a young age, is not a bad thing, in my opinion. (((hugs)))

AllSmiles1210 · August 2010

Don't feel guilty! It's completely normal to return to work after a baby. I haven't gotten any grief about it yet. My parents both worked and I was a daycare kid. DH's mom stayed home with him but did a daycare out of her house. Luckily both sides understand that I have to go back to work and haven't said anything about it. They think it's great that I'll be able to be home for 12 weeks.

shaw · August 2010

My mom has made a few comments as well. We are a 2 income family and always will be. Neither of us make enough money for one to stay home. I only get 6 weeks off with the baby and my mom keeps telling me how impossible it will be. I know 6 weeks is short....but that's what I have!? Her advice is to tell my hubby to get a job making more money!?!?!?! YEA....if it were that easy......we would have done that years ago :O)

Tamzin418 · August 2010

My feeling on this is that anyone who doesn't 'approve' of new moms going back to work ought to work to change the laws in our country governing parental leave. I lived in Canada for a number of years and they have much more family friendly policies there. If I remember correctly, 12 months of parental leave was available at over half pay, and some employers "topped up". For example, both parents could be home for 6 months, or one parent for for 12, or whatever combination a family chose. It was paid for out of employment insurance (or unemployment as we call it here). Seemed like a good system to me. Heck, I'd be thrilled if we could get 12 weeks of paid leave for all new moms in the US...it would be a start.

IncogNeato · August 2010

Tamzin418:
My feeling on this is that anyone who doesn't 'approve' of new moms going back to work ought to work to change the laws in our country governing parental leave. I lived in Canada for a number of years and they have much more family friendly policies there. If I remember correctly, 12 months of parental leave was available at over half pay, and some employers "topped up". For example, both parents could be home for 6 months, or one parent for for 12, or whatever combination a family chose. It was paid for out of employment insurance (or unemployment as we call it here). Seemed like a good system to me. Heck, I'd be thrilled if we could get 12 weeks of paid leave for all new moms in the US...it would be a start.

Hear, hear! Ironically, many of the politicians that are the biggest on "family values" and SAHMs are the ones most vehemently opposed to any paid maternity leave. Sigh. I'm taking 12 weeks and burning through my sick days. At least half of my leave will be unpaid. I would take off the rest of the school year if I was tenured and had been in the same place for a few years, but as a 2nd year teacher in my district I don't think it would be a good career move. I may SAH after our second child, though. I'm very grateful that my parents understand our decisions.

Five Months to Plan · August 2010

Before I got my pregnant my MIL was making a comment about how mom's should not go back to work and put their kids in daycare. She then said that is why grandma's retire. She has not said anything to me yet now that she knows, but if she says anything to me. I am going to tell her to retire. I get 12 weeks off, but becuase my husband is self-employed I have the insurance. I think times change and moms have to work many times. Do not feel bad.

dreamtrue80 · August 2010

FromBtoZ:
Having been raised by a working mom (both DH and I) I am fortunate that I am receiving sympathy that I can't stay home. My dilemma is we don't make enough money to afford any of the daycares in our area, but we don't make enough for me to stay home either. I'm at a loss as to what to do. I'm considering getting a second job, or trying to work out a different shift but that will be difficult since I work in an office with only 3 other people.

This is us almost exactly. I am the primary bread winner so me staying home is out of the question, and daycare centers in our area are more then I make a month. DH is trying to find a night shift job so we don't have to worry about it, otherwise I don't know what we're going to do.

amjra · August 2010

My DH and I both make a good living and we could live on one salary... however, I choose to work. My work is important to me. Otherwise, I would not have bothered to go to college.

Working will set a good example for my children, especially if this is a girl that you can make your own way in the world.

When my GM makes comments, I tell her were to put it.

jillybean800 · August 2010

I really WISH I could take the rest of the school year off, and we could probably do it if we just lived on beans for a year, but I just don't think losing out on almost 20K+ dollars is worth it. So, I'm going back May and June. Already, I'd be NOT getting paid for aobut 5 of those weeks, which will really hurt!

It's a shame. My mother and MIL do wish I could stay home, but it's more of a wish "with" me. They must know it's not really possible.

Mrs. Alli Brittain · August 2010

KatieM1106:
My MIL says 8 weeks is "too soon." But already two of those weeks are unpaid!

I have this same issue. Im taking 8 weeks this time, only had 6 with DS. Only 6 weeks are paid, and even that is only 2/3 my regular pay. I would love to be a SAHM but we just can't afford it. I am actually going to be taking a demotion when this LO is born so the boys won't have to be with a babysitter all the time. My sister is my primary babysitter but she also has a pt job and will be starting college in the fall so she is not going to have much time. When Ethan is born I will be stepping down to change my schedule. It's the best solution we can come up with in regards to being at home and not needing a babysitter. Daycare is out of the question as it would be taking basically my entire salary to pay for the 2 boys.

queenbone · August 2010

amjra:
My DH and I both make a good living and we could live on one salary... however, I choose to work. My work is important to me. Otherwise, I would not have bothered to go to college.

Working will set a good example for my children, especially if this is a girl that you can make your own way in the world.

When my GM makes comments, I tell her were to put it.

This post is a little irritating. I worked for 10 yrs in my field before I had children, I don't feel like I "wasted" my college degree. I also don't appreciate the implication that I will be setting a poor example for my sons and any future daughters by being a homemaker.

Some women have to work, some women choose to work, some women choose to stay home. All are acceptable decisions based upon individual situations. It would be preferable to not use language that bashed those who make different choices than you.

GrayGhost13 · August 2010

Oh my mom is full of opinions about working moms, and I've heard them all and it sucked because I've always known that I would be a working mom, so it was kind of hurtful.

It ended up working out best for my husband to be an SAHD the first year or two, so for now, my mom has held her tongue, because I think she likes my H and doesn't want to seem like she's criticizing him.

That said, I think a lot of this comes from defensiveness about her own choices, as well as, obviously, the attitudes she would have grown up around, being born in the 50s.

It sucks when people say crappy things about either choice--there's definitely plenty of SAHM bashers out there too!--but all you can do is really own your choices and be proud that you're doing what you think is best for your particular family situation.

KJKNAJ · August 2010

It's 2010 - the world has changed and now there are a LOT of 2-income households. I think maybe the older generation just doesn't know that. It's unfamiliar to them so they feel sad for you. But it's the reality for many young couples with kids. I have 6wks maternity and right back to work

PinkeLLe2 · August 2010

I was never given guilt trips about it b/c our families understand that it's what we gotta do to survive! We chose a wonderful daycare facility for DS so I never worry about the care he's getting there. He gets excited when we pull up in the morning and talks about his friends all the time (well, just says their names! and he's learning a TON. Though at first for the first week, I probably cried daily when I went back to work and had to leave him but we are in a routine now and everything is great!

CFH79 · August 2010

My mom only got to take 6 weeks off when she had my little sister. I think she's kind of impressed that I'm able to take 12.

Though she hasn't said anything, I think she would secretly judge me if I chose to stay home with my little one.

eiorpooh · August 2010

I don't get it much from my family, but I do get it from people I work with. I work with mostly men who had wives that stayed at home to take care of their children and don't quite understand how I could ever want to come back to work and why my DH can't figure out a way to make it work. It isn't on DH to make it work, it's a joint thing. Plus, I'll lose about 30% of my income with daycare...how exactly am I or my DH going to make up that other 70%?! We could make it work on DH's salary, but things would be tight and we wouldn't be able to do the things we really want to be able to do with the baby.

Angeldcf · August 2010

Even if you SAH, you can still miss "firsts." I babysat for my friend's kid who took his first steps with me that night. When they got back from dinner, I innocently asked if he was walking yet. They said no & called me a few days later excited to tell me he took his first steps. I kept my mouth shut.

curlydoglover · August 2010

My mom made some comments waaaaaaay back before I was pregnant when we were talking about my BFF's new girl and how she would be going back to work.

She shut up kinda quick when I pointed out that I'd be working as well.

I haven't heard anything else. Yet. My mom was a SAHM and all my SILs stayed home. Only my sister went back to work, and only with her first one. With her second one she stayed home until he was in school - then she went back.

I don't expect anything from my MIL. She was the breadwinner in their house.

flcountrygirl · August 2010

We have multiple reasons that we are both going to keep working - I love what I do and it makes a difference. Also, I'm the one with better (& less expensive) insurance through my State employment. But, he makes more, so we are both going to take time off (me more than him) and then both head on back to work... We haven't made any definate plans for daycare, but we think it'll all work out, especially since his mom wants to watch her in the afternoons.

rainydayluck · August 2010

queenbone:
amjra:
My DH and I both make a good living and we could live on one salary... however, I choose to work. My work is important to me. Otherwise, I would not have bothered to go to college.
Working will set a good example for my children, especially if this is a girl that you can make your own way in the world.
When my GM makes comments, I tell her were to put it.
This post is a little irritating. I worked for 10 yrs in my field before I had children, I don't feel like I "wasted" my college degree. I also don't appreciate the implication that I will be setting a poor example for my sons and any future daughters by being a homemaker.
Some women have to work, some women choose to work, some women choose to stay home. All are acceptable decisions based upon individual situations. It would be preferable to not use language that bashed those who make different choices than you.

I agree with you amjra. Queenbone, I think you read more into that then the poster intended. I want to use my degree which a big reason for me going back, but I don't think people who have a degree and stay home waste it. No one was bashed, but you took it there.

ashleynicoles · August 2010

See and we're in a totally opposite situation. I went from the breadwinner of the family to a stay at home blob when we moved overseas earlier this year, due to the fact that my work visa is *STILL* being processed.

We're being forced to live on one income in an area where I know nobody...so while I'm going to love being a mom...I absolutely cannot wait to go back to work. It is going to be a way for me to get to know people who are also English speaking in our area....and for me to immigrate a little better than I have so far. I feel like I need to be happy myself in order to be the best parent I can be....and so far....staying home has done very bad things for my self-esteem and whatnot...

I support every woman's choice to stay at home or go back to work. I feel that everyone's situation as different....but for myself...I have never wanted to be a SAHM.

_____________________

So cheers...to each their own and may we all be the best mommies we possibly can be.

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