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Putting Down Drowsy But Awake
I am done rocking him to sleep. DONE! I am picking up a sea-horse tonight, we have black-out curtains installed and while I am not going to "CIO," I am going to put him in his crib and just sit there and pat him. If he cries, he cries, but I'll be there.
I know a routine is important because his bedtime routine makes night-time very easy. Help me with this. Details - Tell me what to do with him.
The first question I have is this. Everyone says that I have to put him down before he's tired. But if you do it too early, it won't work. But by the time he yawns or shows a sign of being tired, it's too late. AND the time can change everytime.
WHAT?
I am totally lost on this.
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Re: Putting Down Drowsy But Awake
I agree with pp that you need to determine how long he can stay awake between naps/bedtime. It may vary a little but it should not vary that much that you can't get a general bedtime and stick with it...at least it didn't for my kids. They were both taking a bottle at 8pm and asleep by 9pm, STTN. (I looked in their baby books because I couldn't remember.)
I think it is important to have a consistent bedtime routine to signal to him that it is bed time.
As for a bedtime routine...at that age DD got a bath, bottle, read book, cuddle time/rocking(not to sleep), and then was put down drowsy but awake. With DD I was able to just put her down and leave her and she would go to sleep on her own. I played instrumental music for her as well.
DS I had to sit with him and pat his back until he was asleep for a while. I eventually stopped patting him and just sitting by his crib. I was eventually able to lay him down awake, leave his room, and he would go to sleep on his own.
He doesn't have any problems at night (We do have a routine) - Just during the day.
I'm so over him today.
I have no idea. I've never been able to do "drowsy but awake". I nursed all 3 of my kids for naps and bedtime. It worked out fine for me.
No one can actually tell you in detail what will work for your situation, unless you hire a sleep consultant who will spend all day with you and figure out how to get your son to sleep.
I know the frustration. I've been there with all 3 kids. It's bad. It's even worse when you're going through it. But it DOES get better. You will have to do something and do it consistently (at least 1-2 weeks) to see if it makes a difference. Kids at that age (younger than 1) respond to repetition. You need to "teach" them the routine over and over.........
I really think you're missing the "sleepy" cues. You seem to either do it too early, or too late. There IS a window of like 5 minutes (it's VERY small) and if you miss it, you miss it. I was ONLY able to find this window with DD#1 because I had time to study her and give her all my attention. With DD#2 and DS, I didn't have the time, patience, etc. to look for this.........
GL!
Going down drowsy but awake is a milestone in my book.
It is when a baby has successfully learned to soothe him/herself- and at his age he should be able to do that. What worked for us is you have your nap routine that you do each time and you put him in his crib with whatever soothes him and you tell him its time to take a nap.
While you might not like the idea of CIO- and I don't blame you- you DO have to give him a little room to LEARN this new milestone of how to soothe himself. Because it is a learned activity. you can give him the tools to learn the lesson and give him a tiny bit of space.
So what I have been trying to do is to put him down drowsy but awake in his crib. I sit next to him, in the dark, in a chair and soothe him - Replace his paci, pat or rub his stomach, sing softly to him, turn on his glow-worm.
Everyone says not to get him up because that kills the process.
But he's been crying for an hour,, with me right here soothing him. ???
DS was rocked at each naptime/bedtime until about 11 months. He was also given a bottle. He still gets a bottle at naptime and I just lay him down with it. He gets a bottle at bedtime still too but I rock him while he is having it. Don't care, judge if you want, but that is the only thing that works for us. My son is incredibly attached to his bottle and it isn't worth the fight to take it away right now. He's getting to the point where he doesn't want rocked at night anymore either and it sucks. I miss him wanting to cuddle.
Anyways, ds was one that needed the rocking so I did it. Sometimes I think our sons are one in the same with their awesome sleeping habits and pure stubborn-ness to not give in.
Glad to hear from someone with the same problems.
I know I bug everyone to death on here with these questions but I feel like I can't get any answers. I read the books, try to follow the advice, I spend every second of my life analyzing him and his behavior to see if it's "time" to put him down, feel like I've tried just about everything and I am just so tired of the same fight over and over. I wish he'd mix it up a little bit, give me something new to worry about (and post about... :P ).
I'm going to see if the sea horse works wonders and after that, I'm out of ideas and guess I'll just keep him up until he's exhausted. I know it's not 'healthy' but neither is his screaming for hours on end and ending up with the same result anyway - a boy who naps whenever the he*l he does or doesn't want to.
lol
What happened at 8 to 9 months? Sleeps longer, goes down easier?
Ahhh, light at the end of the tunnel - I LOVE it! I had really hoped to get something figured out by the time #2 comes along. I know I have some time (Well, not much...) but it's feeling really hopeless right now. I'll just bank on the fact that something magical will happen at 9 mos. LOL
Its not that we aren't trying to give you the answers- it is simply trial and error. What works for one kid- might not work for another. I say it all the time, being a parent is being a detective.
You just have to go with the flow until you find what works. There is a line that you need to draw- because you don't want to keep switching it up constantly and do something different- because it DOES take a little bit for a LO to find out that 'ok this IS what i am supposed to be doing' (soothing myself ) and if you constantly switch it up it can be confusing. So each 'trial and error' should be given SOME time to see what will work.
Have you tried playing soft music in his room?
Obviously the goal is to make him as comfortable as possible before a nap. Diaper changed, fed, content, relaxed, calm- talk to him in a gentle tone, put him in the crib and let him do the rest.
And what works for Jackson- probably won't work for the next baby so you have to start all over again.
Totally didn't mean to imply that you guys weren't trying to give answers - You've all been really helpful, especially when I half-expect to hear "Shut up about it already!" everytime I post. lol I miscommunicated - Meant to say I wish I had answers for Jackson. I tried soft music today. I definitely understand the need for consistency - also definitely that it's a hard line to walk. I feel like today was a total failure. An hour of soothing and laying in the crib and it got us nowhere. He woke up at 4:30 a.m. and has slept a total of 50 minutes in 12 hours. Just makes me feel like a bad mom, which I know, logically, is silly.
oh, no. Don't worry. I know where you are coming from. I know what you meant. Just trying to reassure you- you can read every sleep book, you can get a ton of suggestions, but it really is just finding that 'magical combo' of what works for Jackson. And as soon as you figure it out- it will change. Just how it is. You aren't a bad mom- you and Jackson just need to work out what that magical combo is. You are going to have failure days. If you didn't no one would know what a successful day actually IS. So be patient with yourself and the little guy- take a deep breath and keep at it.
To answer your question, around 9 months the naps began making sense. He took one in the morning, and one in the afternoon. They became more predictable, but not always. The No Cry Sleep Solution did nothing for us. Ferber even hardly does anything for us. I've read tons of books and the answers for ds were not in them. Once I just went with the flow and stopped trying so hard it all came together. That is really hard to do though when you are running on no sleep, and I was still working at the time.
Just tried to put him down for the night, which is normally a cake walk and he did the same screaming/arching routine on me.
I am failing here and should probably go get a job I can actually do.
I do remember that now - Did you have to hold his legs too? Did he arch and kick? How did you handle it - Just hold tight and wait for him to calm down?
Yeah, he would get way way overtired. So tired there was no way he would calm himself. We'd sit down with him and he would freak out so one arm would go around his torso and arms to keep him from hitting me, the other around his legs so he wouldn't kick me and then I'd rock him. It would take a few minutes at least but then he would calm down, drink his bottle, then drift off to sleep.
The way I look at it is if I stuck him in his crib then, he would have cried for a really, really long time. I would have felt awful at that young of an age leaving him alone like that. This way I was there with him, trying to calm and soothe him and it took much less time. He's never held it against me
He's stubborn.
Man, it's so good to hear this from you. Everyone that I talk to is always like, "Oh, have you tried patting him?" Not to mock people who say that - I mean, I'm sure it works for some babies and that's amazing but...I mean, patting doesn't do anything except get him going or piss him off. I've never heard someone explain their sleeping problems and have them be just like mine - SO glad to hear you chime in, thank you!
Haha. The patting in our house was total bs. It just sent Elliot into a tizzy and it turned out worse than where we began and made it impossible to get him to even think about sleep.
I'm telling you, everything you say sounds eerily similar to everything we go/went through. It makes me not feel like such a moron knowing that other kids are like this too.
lol Or we're both morons - One of the two.
Still, glad to know we're not alone. Here's hoping #2 is a stellar sleeper...
Sorry I misread your post and sorry you are having such a hard time with his naps. I wish I had more advice to give. DS did better at night than he did for naps also. I worked when he was a newborn and my mom kept him and she would hold him for naps/nap with him so weekends and then once I started SAH were not fun trying to get him to lay down for naps. I held him until he was asleep for naps for a long time. I didn't want to CIO but eventually had to because I knew that when DD was born I wasn't going to be able to hold him until he was asleep. I tried other things and nothing worked. He was 13 months when we did CIO for naps...it was very hard to do but he never cried for more than 20 minutes and he only cried the first week.
I agree that it is trial and error to see what works for each child but also that you have to try one thing for a little while to see if it works before trying something else. I hope you get it figured out before #2 gets here and that #2 is a GREAT sleeper!!!!
This is how my 1st baby was- exactly. Hindsight is 20/20, of course, but here's what I learned for my baby girl. A stressed out mom makes a stressed out kid. Patting only means "mommy is right here but won't pick you up and will make you madder because you can see me but I'm not doing what you want." Ears, tummy, food, too tired, and stubborness all make bedtime difficult.
My baby had reflux that went away at 6 mos but his sleep problems didn't. His ears bothered him which made laying down uncomfortable. He is so bullheaded at 5 yrs old, I should have known that bedtime was his way of taking control- even at 9 mos. Bedtime was horrendous and I spent way too much time fighting it with him.
A fan on the highest setting, a small cd player with Dan Zanes (not instrumental, soft stuff), a bottle while rocking, and lavendar lotion massage right before bed is what worked for us. But, it took me a year to figure that out. I don't do CIO. What I'm saying is, keep trying stuff until something works. Nothing will work until you are relaxed and happy and smiling lovingly. Babies take their cues from mommy and my baby girl has sttn since 7 days old. I got serious baby karma with her....
Best of luck and I've been there. Hope you find relief soon!!!
When DS was little (around 5-6 months) we were in the habit of "bouncing" him to sleep. That required sitting on an exercise ball and bouncing until he fell asleep...we started it to help with his gas and he got used to it
Finally one day I thought my arms were going to fall off and I had had enough. I mean, I love my son but dear Lord I was tired of the routine, my back was killing me and I wanted to deflate that ball! I laid him down in the crib, still awake and he fell asleep. I was shocked, even more so when it continued! I think the important thing was routine and bouncing kind of "fell out of" the routine for him. He liked it, but he didn't need it anymore.
DD#2 needed her space...no rocking for her to fall asleep. Good thing she's still a cuddle bug though:)
DD#1~8/17/96------DS~10/24/05
I rocked DS to sleep until about 15 months. I still do for naps. You can read my earlier post to see my struggle with naps. For nighttime, I actually used the No cry sleep solution. Have you read it? I recommend it. It does take a week or more for lo to get used to the routine, but is worth it in the end. It took a lot of putting him down, tucking him in, walking out, and if he cried, going back in, tucking him in and walking back out. Eventually, it did work though.
For your lo, pick up, put down might work....from baby whisperer, or holding a little less each night. Hope something works!
Mom to Three Sweet Things
Lifestyle Blog and Health and Wellness
I don't have time to read all of the responses so sorry if someone has already suggested this but I highly recommend No Cry Sleep Solution (I think there is a No Cry Nap Solution as well). We started using it at 4 months and it worked wonders. It is a process and you won't see immediate overnight results however IMO it is a very healthy way to establish good nighttime and naptime habits.
DD is 21 months and a fantastic sleeper. When people comment on it I always say that I believe a lot that is due to the fact that we started good habits at a young age.
I know it is hard not to be frustrated but when you are stressed they can sense that and will often be stressed as well. Try to stay calm and (I know this may not be a popular opinion but..) if you have to walk out of the room for 1 minute to breathe and regroup while they cry that is okay. 1 minute of crying while mommy calms down does not equal CIO.
m/c at 13 weeks - March 23, 2011