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International adoption... what do you do....

HopefulHalley10HopefulHalley10
in Adoption

I was totally thrown off guard today...

I told my boss that I would love any extra hours if she's got any to pick up because we're trying to save some more money.  She asked why and I said excitedly that we were gearing up to hopefully adopt soon from Ethiopia.

She looked at me disgustedly and said; why on earth would you bring someone here when there are kids that need homes here....

I was completely speechless and I had no idea how to answer, mostly because I had no expected the backlash.

Do you get negative feedback for not adopting domestically? How do you handle it?

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Re: International adoption... what do you do....

  • FinallyMrs.GFinallyMrs.G
    That's just awful! I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I'm not adopting internationally but it's amazing what we all go through with rude comments all the time. I had someone say to me "I hope you don't get a crack baby". Seriously people, come on. You just gotta ignore peoples ignorance and do what's best for you. ((HUGS))
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  • HopefulHalley10HopefulHalley10

    imageFinallyMrs.G:
    That's just awful! I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I'm not adopting internationally but it's amazing what we all go through with rude comments all the time. I had someone say to me "I hope you don't get a crack baby". Seriously people, come on. You just gotta ignore peoples ignorance and do what's best for you. ((HUGS))

    Wow why don't people think before they speak.  I would have never guessed that any type of adoption could get any negative feed back!

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  • CaptainSeriousCaptainSerious member

    Honestly, I might have just responded, "Why do you think that the children in America are more worthy of a loving home than children whose luck it was simply to be born in another country?"  Then, depending on her response, I might go into a long explanation of why it's a better fit for my family to adopt from another country rather than from the US.  Or, I might just walk away while she flounders around for a justification.

    No person who is familiar with adoption or the various challenges that come with it could ever utter such a statement.  It shows her ignorance, and I live my life refusing to be insulted by someone who is clearly ignorant and/or hateful.  Don't let it get to you.  You will hear a lot of comments from people that will feel like slights or even attacks.  On a case by case basis, you can decide if you want to ignore, correct, educate, or insult them back.

     

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  • TeraandJoshTeraandJosh
    imageCaptainSerious:

    Honestly, I might have just responded, "Why do you think that the children in America are more worthy of a loving home than children whose luck it was simply to be born in another country?"  Then, depending on her response, I might go into a long explanation of why it's a better fit for my family to adopt from another country rather than from the US.  Or, I might just walk away while she flounders around for a justification.

    No person who is familiar with adoption or the various challenges that come with it could ever utter such a statement.  It shows her ignorance, and I live my life refusing to be insulted by someone who is clearly ignorant and/or hateful.  Don't let it get to you.  You will hear a lot of comments from people that will feel like slights or even attacks.  On a case by case basis, you can decide if you want to ignore, correct, educate, or insult them back.

    Ditto. As I've read before - "Love knows no borders."

     

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  • c1311c1311 member
    I'm speechless. We are adopting internationally and I've NEVER received any comments like that. I'm not even sure how I'd respond, especially if it was my boss. I'm so sorry you were in that situation.
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  • tunanunatunanuna

    I never got negative backlash but I did get that question a lot.  In my case the answer was simply that this was the child that found me when I wasn't looking.  My case however is very unusual.  However after I told them that I would them educate them in how difficult it can be to adopt in the US and how we treat our children here.  I found that most people had no idea of the reality of the situation and were truly shocked.

    As long as there is no reason that you are ashamed of your decision I would just tell them why.  Like I said before most people have no knowledge of adoption and why people make the different decisions they do.  Don't take it personally.  If you talk to them honestly you might just see a change in attitude.

     

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  • waxboydwaxboyd
    Well, my comeback has been "well we TRIED to adopt domestically for almost TWO years, but no birth mothers would pick us because we already had children."...but for you...hmm....how about because there are almost FIVE MILLION ORPHANS in Ethiopia and even the children in US foster care have food and a roof over their head?? Sounds good enough :)
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  • noonecarewhoiamnoonecarewhoiam
    I usually just said "this is the decision we feel was best for our family."
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