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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
Parenting discussions with child's father
I figure I'll put child's father since not everyone is married.
My DH just doesn't ever want to talk about parenting. It's always me making the desicions about everything. If we should wake him early so we can get somewhere on time, if we should feed him before, during or after a visit, if we should wake him at night to change his, how long to let him fuss for in the morning before going to him, if we should take the paci away now or later.
The problem is mostly that I know these things are soon going to be much more serious and I don't want DH to feel left out.
I hate that he won't ask me what I think, he just assumes that I'm right or something. Then the other day he says "the reason I don't go get him is because you always get mad at me". Good greif! If he would just communicate with me then we would be on the same page and it would never be an issue.
How do you and your child's father make these choices?
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Re: Parenting discussions with child's father
On most things, DH just lets me do my thang. IE the feeding before/after a visit, what she should eat and when.
We discuss things like, what if she gets an attachment to her thumb when are we going to try to break that habit, when are we going to try and break cosleeping, etc.
It seems DH is not as interested in the small stuff as he is in the more important stuff.
HTH
Day-to-day stuff is all me. He has no idea. In fact, he's off today and chose to keep them from daycare. I wish him luck - he hasn't had them both since the baby was an infant. It's a good thing my 3-year-old knows what to do
Big stuff - like where DS was going to preschool, we talk about. But, frankly, it was me that did all the research and strongly encouraged one particular place. So, yeah, it's still mostly all me
Our situation is similar to yours. It can get frustrating. But to be honest I think I am guilty of micromanaging him at times so no wonder he just lets me be the one to call the shots.
I have to work on that.
DH is very involved and we discuss EVERYTHING. Honestly, it gets tedious and annoying at times. We both forget how to make decisions on our own and find ourselves asking stupid questions like, "Should I give her more to eat? She still seems hungry" lol
I am very grateful that DH takes a big role in the child care, but we shouldn't have to make every tiny thing into a discussion. We continually need to work towards striking a balance between having one person take charge and doing everything by committee.
In the beginning, I needed to let go a little and let him do things his way. That gave him some confidence and made him more willing to help.
DH is great about helping make the decisions for stuff like you've mentioned as well as planning for future financial things like college, but I just wish he would care more about parenting issues that relate to raising you child and teaching good behavior. DH has a big potty mouth that I've been trying to break him of ever since becoming pregnant. Every time I bring it to his attention, he always replies with "she can't understand what I'm saying yet." I hate that, and it drives me crazy that he doesn't seem to care about trying to be a good parent by setting good examples like this and makes me wonder just how much I'm going to have to fight him on other issues that are way more important than this. Sometimes I just feel like I'm the only one that's thinking about how I'm going to set an example for her and how hard it's going to be if her other parent is fighting me on it. I know it's going to be super embarrassing to have my barely speaking little girl going around saying damnit* all the time. I'm sorry you're frustrated about your situation too, and I hope things get better.