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Military Families
intro and needing help :/
Hi , My name is Erin and I am married to my amazing husband for a little over a year and half, but we were together for a while before we got married.
We recently found out I'm pregnant, It kinda wasn't planned. We had tried for almost a year before he got deployed with no luck. Then he got home and according to the dr.'s dates We got pregnant the first few days of him being home 
.
And now time for my problem. Do we reenlist? I know this isnt a great place to ask , but I am emotional and I just don't have any idea what is going on in my head and I would love some help from ladies who have been in my shoes.
Reasons for reenlisting: My husband is an amazing Marine. He has a bunch of awards from his two tours over seas. They want him to reenlist to the point when I brought him food on duty his Sgt. Major brought me into the office to talk about how "stellar" his options are. We would be able to move 8 hours from my parents which is important to me. Would be able to get a pretty good bonus and move before I got tooo pregnant ( around 5 months). Also we just got custody of my sister in law who has been through a lot in life and we kind of need the resources the military provides, but would be able to provide them out of the Marines , just not as easy.I worry about my husband getting use to life on the outside. I know he has some PTSD from his deployments , but nothing insanely bad and he has overcome it. I just worry how he will handle a unstructured life.
Reasons for not reenlisting: Sick of deployments. This last one was insanely stressful.. He is planning on becoming a cop. Which I am sure will prove just as stressful considering he plans on going swat within 3 years. We will be within minutes of my parents. I love and adore my parents , but they have an amazing way of invading every part of my life and it drives me insane. They are willing to give my husband a job while he finds a place on the police force , which will provide health care for me and the baby since I will be 8 months pregnant when we get out. My husband and I love the Marine corp. It has given us everything we have. We already have a house lined up and more then enough money saved to support us until he is on the force.
I guess my problem really is, I'm going to miss the miltary , the friends the lifestyle the pride we feel. I don't understant how I am not more excited to get out. It doesn't make sense to me. I don't know if this is part of the insane pregnancy emotions people tell me about or what.
What would you do. or just words of comfort please.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: intro and needing help :/
What would I personally do? Not a whole lot. It's not my decision whether or not my husband re-enlists. Now yes, he did ask me about it when he had to make a decision last year, and I gave him my opinion. In the end though it was 100% up to him and what he wanted to do. He ultimately chose to stay in for a few more years because we had two babies that were due shortly before his contract was up, and no clue how we were going to pay for them (mainly their health care since there was a good chance at the time that they would be preemies). He likes his job for the most part, he's amazing at it, and because he was deployed at the time, and would have been getting out almost immediately after getting back, he didn't have the time and resources to line up a good job before he got out. Going even a few months without his income and health care was not an option for him, so he re-enlisted.
I'm happy he did. It took away the stress of him worrying about how we were going to provide for our family. Plus I like most of the military lifestyle. Yes I could do without him being gone all.the.time. but it is what it is. However, if he had decided to get out, I would have supported him 110% and we would have made it work.
But anyway, basically what I'm trying to say is that it's NOT your decision. Yes you should have some input, and he should at least listen to your pros and cons list, but you don't get to make this decision. If he tries to put it on you, don't let him. It's his job, his potential career, and he should be the one to take everything into consideration and figure out what he wants to do.
Hi! This is my first post, and I tend to get wordy. (just a fair warning)
My husband and I are both in the military. I will be getting out in about a month and a half. I am getting out because having one member of the family in is hard enough. Having 2 in, and we both work shift work and daycare would be too difficult. My husband has gotten some pretty nice job offers on the outside, and though he doesn't have to decide soon, he plans on reenlisting because frankly, you can't beat the retirement. The only thing I can tell you, or anyone can tell you, is that you have to decide what's right for your family. You sound like a really supportive wife and you understand that deployments are rough on everyone involved, including you and your child. How much longer does he have before retirement? Readjusting to civilian life can be a little difficult, but there are several programs in the military to help make your transition easier. I just went to a separation briefing, and I got a book, a pamphlet, and about 30 pages with contacts to help the conversion, including how to write your resume. If you enjoy the pride and the lifestyle and the friends, I say go for it. I don't know how often Marines deploy, but if they only deploy every couple years, it might be worth it to stay in. If your husband's PTSD gets bad enough, they will medically retire him before his 20 years is up anyway. Think about how you want to raise your child. If you don't mind the moving, and if your husband doesn't mind missing parts of his/her childhood. My husband is in no way excited to miss any of our daughter's life, but he thinks this will allow us to better set up her future.
Hope any of my rambling helped!
I disagree with this to a point because the military isn't like most other careers in the sense that the service member's family does have to pick up and move, deal with lengthy deployments, etc... that aren't part of your typical civilian job. There are significant hardships attached to the decision to re-up, and no one should be forced to endure them without having a say in the decision to continue living the military lifestyle. As such, I've always strongly believed that any decision to remain in the service (or get out) has to be made by the whole family, not just the service member. If everyone isn't willing to make those sacrifices, then it's probably time to get out.
That said, it's true that you need to talk to your husband about what he wants in the immediate future and map out a plan to get there whether or not he decides to stay in. Is he ready to get out yet? Does he feel that now is the time for him to transition to the police force, or would he like to wait a few more years and gain additional experience in the Marine Corps? How will you deal with being a pseudo-single mom if he deploys after your baby is born, and is he okay with the idea of missing a significant chunk of his child's life?
And I've seen families completely turned upside down because wifey-poo back home gave her husband the ultimatum of "get out or else." Husband got out, went stir-crazy because all he wanted to do was be a soldier, had no interest in making it in the civilian world, ended up completely resenting wifey-poo, and they ended up hating each other and divorced anyway. Yes, that sounds like an EXTREME situation, but it happens sometimes when a soldier is "forced" to get out of the military before they're ready. A lot more often than people think.
I said that he should definitely take her input into consideration. I'm not saying that he should be like, "screw what you want, I'm staying in/getting out, deal with it." That would be ridiculous and there are some definite compatibility issues there that will probably destroy the relationship anyway. My husband took my opinions into consideration. We talked about it a LOT before he decided, and that's how it should be. Now if I had absolutely hated being a military spouse and wanted him to get out, I have no doubt that my husband would have decided for me, and HIMSELF and our marriage, to get out, because he wanted what was best for our family.
Yes I think family should have more input on re-enlisting than they would with a "normal" job, but I still think that ultimately it is the soldier's decision. You don't have to agree, but I have rarely seen it end well when the family decides FOR the soldier that it's time to get out.
This. When you get married you enter into a 50/50 partnership and all family decisions need to be made together. As a military spouse this is especially so as you are affected by moving away from friends, family and your job, being a single wife and mother when he is deployed or training and without your normal support group.
It sounds like you have a wonderful plan made up with what he will do post military. And you have health insurance, savings and family to help out as well. Not many people have that option. Do you want to risk your DH getting worse PTSD or long term medical problems from multiple deployments? If it doesn't work out you can always re-up later on after you have tried out your police/civilian plan.
Ultimately it is a family decision. Put all the pro's and con's on the table and talk about each point and be honest about which way you are leaning.
I too disagree. First off, the OP, as you refer to as "Wifey-poo" is not trying to be self-centered and demanding. She sees her family and relationship with her husband as a union and as such, you make decisions together.
To the OP, you do sound like a very supportive wife and I know this decision is a difficult one to make. I wish I had more to offer, but it really comes down to how you and your DH feel about re-enlisting and what you BOTH want out of life, especailly if this is not a career choice for him.
Best of luck
You're not going to get a definite answer one way or the other here. However you should weigh both sides of the situation before making a decision. Does your H have a job lined up if he does not re-enlist? Does your H want to re-enlist? Would he regret not re-enlisting? How changed would your life be if he was no longer serving?
These are just some of things you need to discuss as a couple. Ultimately though it comes down to your husband's decision. He is the one serving and since you married him knowing full well that he was a service member you agreed to support him in this lifestyle.
If he is, then what does he think? It's his career. Yes I think there should be conversations about this where you get to voice your opinion, but ultimately he would be the one signing the contract and putting his life on the line.
plenty of SMs have families and babies, its doable. But it depends on if you and ultimately he want to do it.
I could never make my husband get out of a career he loved because it was inconvenient to me
I changed my name
I am completely supportive of what he wants. If he came to me and said " I want to stay in". I would be happy and never say a negitive thing about it. I would love to reenlist, but like someone said we have options that most people in our situtation would love to have.
He loves being a marine , but with our first child on the way , he is nervous about never being home for the important times in our childs life.
I married him and got pregnant fully aware and willing to do the single mom thing when duty called.
The problem is he is as torn as I am. He wants to get out because he thinks we will be able to provide more for our child , but He loves the marine corp. My husband came from nothing, with little to no family . The marine corp was the first real "family" he had. so even if he was 100% sure he wanted to get out , It would be bitter sweet.
I know no one can tell me what to do , but just these post are helpful.
And of course I worry about his ptsd , and of course I worry everyday about my husband being hurt. That is a fear that comes with being a military wife. With that being said, my husband will never be able to set behind a desk , he will always want to be in the front lines somewhere hints the police force with hopes of SWAT. These jobs bring the same threats of PTSD and him being hurt. I knew this about my husband before we got together. I dont adore this , but I accept it. Also My husband and I agree that we will never let fear keep us from something.
Thank you all for your post.
Just for the record: Wifey-poo was not directed at all toward the OP. At all. And OP, I'm sorry if you took it that way. I never said she wasn't supportive, just arguing the fact that the decision to re-enlist is made 50/50 by both husband and wife, because I personally don't believe it's one of those situations. That's all I have to say on this subject.
Again OP, I apologize if you thought that story was directed at you. It actually had nothing at all to do with your situation, it was just directed to the other poster about how I've seen relationships go when the family makes the decision, and not the soldier. I was not at all saying that you or your situation is like that.
I didn't think you directed it to me. And I completely agree with you that if my husband had strong feelings either way and I forced him to do what I wanted , I would be a horrible person.
Some men are made to be marines , or soliders . I always thought my husband was one of those men, but Now with the baby on the way he just wants to be there for our family.
But as of today it looksl ike we decided to reenlist
Cali here we come!
I'm glad he was able to make a decision! And I understand exactly what you mean. My husband was always going to be a career soldier, but then these two little devils came and turned his world upside down, and now he has no clue what he wants to do when it comes time to either get out or re-enlist in a couple years. He'll definitely get my opinion but in the end it's completely up to him. I'm just glad we still have a little while for him to make up his mind before that time.
Good luck in Cali!