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vent and ettiquette question

Jlynn3Jlynn3
in Infertility

Mr: My mom just told me about Cousin's baby shower.  It's Sunday.  (MIL failed to pass along the invitation that was sent to her house instead of my own)

Me: "That's special, why didn't she just wait till Saturday?  I would rather claw my eyes out with a spoon than attend."

Mr: "Yeah... I figured as much and told her you couldn't make it."

It's not the baby shower that bugs me, it the fact that she already has several children, is pregnant with twins (an oops pregnancy of course), and continues to smoke.  Yeah, I have a problem with a baby shower for that.

So, my ettiquette question is, do I send a gift?  Or?...

SAIFW
TTC since 2008 dx PCOS & MFI
Clomid/Femara no "O"
IVF #1 BFN
FET #1 cancelled for biopsy
FET #1.2 c/p, July 2012 c/p
IUI #1 & 1.2 canceled
IVF #2 ER 12/1, Freeze all due to OHSS
FET #2.1 cancelled due to DVT risk, FET #2.2 Jan 2013
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Re: vent and ettiquette question

  • DeputiesWifeDeputiesWife

    I'd rather claw my eyes out with a pitch fork. More painful.

    No, I dont think you need to send a gift.

    TTC #2 since June '08

    ~*DD 10.21.07*~

    dx unexplained

    IUI #1-4 BFN

    IVF#1 June 2011 BFN

    IVF#2 Dec 2011

    Beta#1 12/21 : 812 Beta#2 12/23 : 1634

    EDD 8/25

    *PAIFW/SAIFW*

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  • sweetky_06sweetky_06 member
    IMO - you are never obligated to send a gift to anything. Do it because you want to. If you don't want to -- don't! 
    Married 08.06
    Started TTC 05.08
    Me: Stage II endo, borderline high FSH
    DH: perfect
    1 lap, 5 IUIs = 4 BFNs and 1 c/p
    2 IVFs, 2 FETs = 1 BFN, 1 c/p, 1 ectopic and finally a sticky BFP in May 2011!

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    1 FET in Aug 2013 = BFP! 

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  • damabo80damabo80 member

    Eh, if it was a baby shower for her first, I would probably say send a gift.

    Baby showers for subsequent children still have an AW-ish aspect to them, and I think you'd be fine not sending one since you are not going.

    ETA: but I would be lying if I said I didn't think about sending a carton of smokes and along with your wishes for nice healthy babies.


    BFP #1 via IUI ~ L (Fatal Birth Defect) 4/7/10
    BFP #2 via IUI ~ m/c
    BFP #3 via cancelled IUI ~ C (2lb 3oz; HELLP) 5/16/11
    BFP #4 via the natural (free!) way ~ E (8lb 11oz) 9/13/12
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  • k-martk-mart

    Nope! I wouldn't send one.

    Glad your hubby knows what to do!

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  • BigHairQueenBigHairQueen member
    You could send her some nicorette as a gift. But seriously, I wouldn't send her a gift. Just my opinion. (((hugs)))
    Stacy
    PCOS, RPL, & Anti Cardiolipin Antibody
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  • vawad82vawad82
    imagedamabo80:

    Eh, if it was a baby shower for her first, I would probably say send a gift.

    Baby showers for subsequent children still have an AW-ish aspect to them, and I think you'd be fine not sending one since you are not going.

    ETA: but I would be lying if I said I didn't think about sending a carton of smokes and along with your wishes for nice healthy babies.

    I was thinking the same thing!!  LOL!! 

    To be honest ... I wouldn't especially if it's not a first child and I'm not going to the shower ...  

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  • Jlynn3Jlynn3
    lol about the cigs and nicorette gum :)
    SAIFW
    TTC since 2008 dx PCOS & MFI
    Clomid/Femara no "O"
    IVF #1 BFN
    FET #1 cancelled for biopsy
    FET #1.2 c/p, July 2012 c/p
    IUI #1 & 1.2 canceled
    IVF #2 ER 12/1, Freeze all due to OHSS
    FET #2.1 cancelled due to DVT risk, FET #2.2 Jan 2013
    my blog
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  • M&M&RM&M&R member
    No, no, no gift!  Also, It's great that your DH is taking care of business so you don't have to!
    imageimage
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  • DrVWifeDrVWife member
    I agree with pp's...no gift necessary!  But I love the idea of the nicorette or carton of smokes!
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  • jadondljadondl
    Why is she having a shower for subsequent children.  Kind of tacky IMO and I would not send a gift.
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  • Amie8301Amie8301
    I say hell no to the gift. 1) you're not going to the shower 2) she already has kids 3) Really with the smoking?! Really?!
    Crohn's resulting in colectomy with J-Pouch surgery in 2000/2001.
    TTC since August 2008
    IVF#1: BFFN; IVF#2: BFN; FET with new RE: BFN
    IVF#3: ER 1/15; ET 1/20; Beta#1 1/29: 339!
    Twins girls born via c/s at 37w/3d!!
    "Let it go, this too shall pass."
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  • thewormstheworms member

    imagesweetky_06:
    IMO - you are never obligated to send a gift to anything. Do it because you want to. If you don't want to -- don't! 

    ditto this

    image
    Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, It empties today of its strength. ~Corrie ten Boom
    Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. ~Mary Anne Radmacher (thank you beadinglady)

    It's been a long journey. TTC since 9/06. multiple IUI's and IVF's and 4 m/c's. IVF#3 = BFP, twins, induced at 34w6d due to baby b passing away (no explanation). Delivered on 35w1d, Baby A - baby girl, and Baby B - baby boy, our little angel.
    MTHFR A1298C & C677T, Immune Issues and Factor II
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  • vanessagorcvanessagorc member

    imagejadondl:
    Why is she having a shower for subsequent children.  Kind of tacky IMO and I would not send a gift.

    I agree with this....Ive  never had an invite to a subsequent baby shower.  Isn't the point that you have already been gifted a stroller, crib etc

    Seem like a yay for me type of thing.  I would be interested in this type of thing if it we "guest centered"  IE, open bar, sushi station, sundae bar....but why do i doubt that LOL

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  • SNB2BSNB2B
    I don't think you need to send a gift and I think your reaction is justified!
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  • MyShellyBellyMyShellyBelly
    I agree with pp's -- no gift necessary.
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  • yodasmistressyodasmistress member
    imageDeputiesWife:

    I'd rather claw my eyes out with a pitch fork. More painful.

    No, I dont think you need to send a gift.

     
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