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Postpartum Depression
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At a Loss

huber22huber22
in Postpartum Depression

I'm not a new poster, but I'm using an AE. I just really don't feel comfortable admitting my feelings even online where no one really knows me.

I don't know if you would call what I'm dealing with PPD. I honestly think its just regular depression, I've been trying to deal with it my entire life, but never been diagnosed. I just know that I need to do something NOW. I really feel like my marriage is in trouble, and I want to be a good mother to my son. I've also been starting to recognize a behavior pattern in me, my mom and my grandma and some of my siblings and I want to spare my children the pain and hurt that I've had to deal with my entire life.

 I know that the responses are going to be "you need to find professional help. Call your doctor," but its not that easy for me. My entire life I've been too independant to admit that I need help. I've always strived to be "perfect" and admitting that I'm "flawed" to anyone but my husband is way too hard. I've taken the PPD "tests" from the doctor, LO's pedi and from new parents program worker that is coming to work with LO and I. I know that I've scored as high as a "10" and that a "12" "qualifies" for a referal.

I'm at one of the highest stress times I've ever been in my life, and I really know that I need to get help. I guess I'm here to try to build up the strength to ask for the help that I need, and I'm looking for others' experiences as well. I need to find a "safe place," because I know that my husband would like to help me, but even he thinks this is way out of our league, and he's under a ton of stress too, and I don't want to burden him, when he's already expressed that I need to see a professional.

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Re: At a Loss

  • vera1127vera1127 member
    I understand how you feel. It is so hard to admit that you are not the perfect person you try so hard to be. You really, really need to keep in mind that doctors will NOT judge you. Not only are you like the gazillionth person they have seen with the same problem as you, but it is their job to help you. It's what you are paying them for. If you can admit to yourself that you need help, than you need to get it. You and I sound a lot alike. We put way too much on our shoulders and try to be super woman. You're so not alone..
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  • WifeofacoachWifeofacoach

    Depression can manifest so many different ways. I took several of the PPD tests at my doctor's office and online and none of them put me in the PPD category. Just because you don't get a high enough score doesn't mean you don't have a problem--you just might be experiencing it different than average. Just going to the appointment made me feel so much better. I wish I would have called sooner.

    You've already completed the first step in asking for help (even if you ask strangers). Calling your doctor is the next. It doesn't make you a bad mom or a bad person. You might even feel better after one appointment!

    Good luck!

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  • shoes_and_vodkashoes_and_vodka

    I can also relate... I'm a very typical Type A and I was on meds previously.  I was super hesitant to take them because I thought it meant I was flawed, or "not perfect". 

    I'll never forget what a Dr said to me- "If you had asthma, would you deny yourself meds?  If you had a heart condition, would you deny yourself meds?"  That statement has always stayed with me and put everything in perspective for me.

    Hope you feel better! :) 

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