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February 2011 Moms
I don't want sympathy I want understanding
Ok. So I have been a lurker for a while now and I really need to vent.
I love my DH but sometimes I don't think that he realizes I am pregnant. I have been very accommidating when it has came to his plans and activities. He was in a wedding about a month ago and I had to stay with him til 1am because the wedding was over an hour away and we were going home that night. I was so exhausted and wasn't sure if I could make the drive that late. As far as my napping and sleeping.....I have felt so guilty that I stay up and work and clean house. But right now I am at my wits end. I work full time at an office, with lots of stress and I come home and he expects me to have dinner ready...mind you he is home before me, some nights!!! He used to not care about dinner and just come home after work and have grabbed something on the way home.....which really pissed me off then because I do love to cook. But with m/s and smells of food, it is very difficult to cook. Now I think that he is just testing the water. He could be home now and helping me out around the house....I am still at my office.....but he is at a guys house playing video games. Most other wives of his friends came home after a long day at work and went to bed. The husband's had to do everything.....he is freakin' lucky that I atleast feel guilty and help him with the chores. And when I get home tonight I am supposed to be picking apples and making applesauce.
The best was the other day after he wrecked his car and I went to pick him up. I didn't have a whole lot of time to do anything around the house because a) being worried, literally sick b) being exhausted c) we had company. So when he got home he pitched a fit because our garden was not watered!!!! Like I sat on my ass all day and didn't do a thing.
I am sorry for the long rant and I am not sure if it really makes sense....but is anyone elses DH/SO expecting things to be the same?
rant over!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I don't want sympathy I want understanding
Two thoughts: 1) if my DH expected all of that, I'd tell him to shove it, Luckily he doesn't - but I realize every relationship is different.
2) men take longer to realize that it is physically draining to grow a child. One of my friends said recently that she read someone who said that growing a child is like climbing a mountain daily.
Good luck.
PG#1 - 3rd cycle BFP. Team Green. HELLP syndrome @ 34 weeks.
Later diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, possible link to HELLP.
PG#2 M/C 3/14 - Surprise BFP 2/13. Beta's doubled every 52 hours from 3w5d-5w5d
Viable pregnancy scan at 5w5d; 2nd u/s showed 2 days of growth in 7 but a HB of 120
3rd u/s on 3/10/14 had no HB and baby had only grown 7 days over 14
D&C 3/17/14 - complications - DX Retroflexed uterus, multiple tears to cervix
All Welcome
Chart
Sounds like you need to have a come to Jesus meeting with your DH.
No, I don't have the same problem. My DH would never risk treating me like that, he knows I don't play that game.
Put your foot down, have a talk with him. He needs to man up and start treating you like the mother of his child.
Good luck
LO#1 - 19 cycles, 3 IUIs, 1 m/c, gonal-f, ganirelix, ovidrel, progesterone
Totally worth the wait!
Getting ready for #2
Back on Met, PCOS diet, prepping for treatments 1/12
Good luck to the wonderful ladies of 3T
Always cheering on my girls Gymnst1013 & MrsJohns
My Chart / Info for Newbies
this!
riley- your the first person iv ever heard say "come to jesus meeting" other than DH! you made me think of him and brought a smile to my face!
hahahaha!
It'll only put a smile on your face when you're not part of the meeting!
LO#1 - 19 cycles, 3 IUIs, 1 m/c, gonal-f, ganirelix, ovidrel, progesterone
Totally worth the wait!
Getting ready for #2
Back on Met, PCOS diet, prepping for treatments 1/12
Good luck to the wonderful ladies of 3T
Always cheering on my girls Gymnst1013 & MrsJohns
My Chart / Info for Newbies
Nope my DH even when not PG usually cleans the house more than I do, Now that I am PG, he complains less about me helping him, and we live upstairs from my mom so she makes dinner for us.
I would talk to him.
This!
Also I would throw a can of tuna and a fork at my DH if he expected me to make dinner while he was at a friends house playing video games, while I was at work.
Fortunately I don't understand what you're going through, but I do have sympathy for you. If my husband ever starts making requests about dinner, sex, cleaning, etc... I just tell him "Sure let me just call my boss and quit my full time job so I can stay home and take care of you like a good little housewife!" I really love to cook and clean, but when the woman works the same amount as the man, house work is a 50/50 and my DH understand that... You better put him in his place now or he's going to expect you to keep working, taking care of the house, and taking care of the baby. Good luck!
let me make sure that I don't make him out to be the complete bad guy all the time. He did clean out my car, clean the garage; which was disgusting, three loads of laundry, and ran the sweeper, and washed all the dishes twice, (we have no dish washer) all on Sunday. It is not that he doesn't help out, because he does....(we are extreme neat freaks) but I just want the understanding that I am tired a lot more, I don't always feel great, and dinner.....just ain't going to happen for another week or so.
The garden watering statement....he was pissed at himself....because we had to get two new vehicles instead of one. He came in after he cooled off and apologized.
Hormones are raging today!!!
I understand how the OPer feels - my H has his moments where he thinks that I should have everything done around the house every day. For example, last night he says to me, "so, what are your plans for tomorrow?" and I said "why?" . His response: "Just wondering if you were ever going to clean the house and do the laundry."
I LOST it. I told him that if he needed his clothes washed, he knew where the washer and dryer were, and that the vaccuum is located down the hall in the closet, if he felt the need to knock himself out. His response to that was "Surprise. I have to do it all the time." UM, EXCUSE ME! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHICH CLOSET THE VACCUUM IS IN? I THINK YOU HAVE USED IT ONCE SINCE WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED AND THAT WAS AFTER YOU MADE A MESS AND I GOT IT OUT FOR YOU!...Ooooo, I was mad. And then he thought I was being biiitchy and milking the pregnancy. I tell ya, it's a good thing we love 'em, b/c sometimes they could get a frying pan up the side of the head.
thats so true!
i love your siggy pic! im a HUGE satc fan! i remember you from ttgp and iv always pictured you looking/acting just like charlotte!
some of these huzzbands need a good throat punch.
i really lucked out but if i hadn't... throat punch.
Ooooh, almost this exact thing happened with me 1.5 weeks ago when a friend that moved away decided to have us throw him a party with less than 24 hours of notice. DH didn't get why I was upset. He said he would help, so I gave him a list. He crossed off everything on the list (by 7pm that night...mind you I was up till 1am working on stuff), but didn't do half the stuff - I could tell. So I questioned that and he said well it didn't really need to be done. Uh huh. It'll jsut do itself next week while I'm trying to catch up from the weekend on rest and laundry.
So then we had our come to Jesus meeting!
He sorta appologized...without actually saying the words. Sigh, close enough. He said he knows he needs to pick up more stuff around the house. I told him he's in charge of the dishwasher - it's a small task and maybe he'll notice how rare it is that he actually puts his dishes all the way in the dishwasher...he noticed...1 point for the wifey.
We are looking into getting a cleaning lady and have two recommendations from friends. I just haven't pushed the button on that yet. I still feel like it's my responsibility...but I know with kids and my full time+ job, that will be a challenging balance. DH (and I) understand the house isn't going to be at it's previous level of clean.
This!
I vote throat punch!!
if he thinks you sit on your ass all day long then do just that for a few days and he will get the clue that you do alot around the house. I blew up at MH one time when he got on my case when I was PG with DS.
I would put my foot down and explain now being pregnant its totally different you have a little precious baby growing inside I know men are slower then women but it should work out fine. I am sorry you have to deal with this now! I hope everything gets better.