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I just went crazy...

acwmommyacwmommy
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
I literally just lost it. COMPLETELY. I can't tell anyone the truth which is why I am writing here. I just took my babies blankies and bundled them up and acted like she was still here. I am embarassed to say this and I know you guys are going to think I am nuts. I don't know what my deal is today I just can't keep it together. I am going to the doctor tomorrow and I don't know if I need to ask for a higher dose of my medication. Have any of you needed to get on any medication to help you get through this? I feel embarassed that I can't do this without medicating myself. I have lost it and I am ashamed for ANYONE to know. I am even terrified to tell me doctor.
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Re: I just went crazy...

  • Lorange-8Lorange-8 member

    I'm sorry your going thru this. don't be ashamed about anything, you lost your baby and you are welcome to feel anyway you want. No one will judge you here and no one should judge you what so ever!! If you need more medication to deal with this then so be it, as long as it's okay with your doctor I don't see a problem with it. Sending you lots of hugs!!! This board is very supportive.

    I can tell you your not crazy, I did the same thing with my babys blanket after we lost her as well.

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  • bethskyebethskye
    I've done it, and I still do it though not as often.  There is no need to be ashamed.  You're not crazy .  You're grieving.  There are manic periods.  Don't be ashamed of moments where you are just doing what you need to do to survive.  When moments of joy and laughter come (and yes they will come eventually) don't be ashamed of those either.  Focus on getting through the next period of time.  If it's minute to minute or hour to hour or day to day it doesn't matter.  Do what you need to do.
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  • buninmyoven22buninmyoven22

    You're not alone- and you're not crazy.

     

    Grief doesn't make sense all of the time. You lost your baby and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. 

     

    The best thing to do IS to talk to your Dr. about this....believe me, you aren't the first person who will be telling them about this kind of behavior, and you won't be the last. They will hopefully be able to discuss this with you and offer you some hope and comfort.

     

    Good luck- and you're not alone.

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  • Happyfeet10Happyfeet10 member
    Your not crazy at all, your a grieving mother.  FWIW one of the grief booklets my hospital gave us, says to hold a blanket of the baby's just like you did...your missing your baby and its ok =)  ((Hugs))
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  • Shayna0182Shayna0182 member
    I've done that too!  You're definitely not crazy.  It's very normal to need some help after something as traumatic as a loss.  For the record, I've been taking medication, for depression and insomnia, and they've helped alot.   Please don't feel like you're not normal, because you definitely are!!
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  • ravenorchidravenorchid
    You're not crazy! This is a traumatic tragedy and you're grieving. If medication helps, then use it. I found myself hoping for all sorts of impossible events, like that the hospital would call us and tell us that our baby was miraculously alive or that I would find out that she had a twin who survived. I think all of us have different ways of coping with a tragedy of this magnitude and you shouldn't feel ashamed of anything.
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  • emeraudecephiroemeraudecephiro member

    First, I'm so sorry for your loss and situation. Believe me, I've been right there with you.

    Second, If you are already on medication, it may need upped if you are feeling hopeless, or if you haven't since the loss, it may help you cope. I know I needed mine upped...there is no shame in asking for help. Grief isn't always flattering, but it is what it is, and we all handle it differently. I hope you feel more yourself soon, sometimes waiting for that to happen is the hardest thing...

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