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Multiples
When does "survival mode" end and u feel like u can handle it?
My babies are 6 weeks old and I don't think I can do it by myself during the day. The feeding/burping is so hard. I feel like I am doing a half a$$ job b/c I can't tend to both of them. My DH is helpful during evening, but I still feel like I need someone else here during the day.
1. How do you bottle feed both of them at the same time?
2. When did it feel like you could handle it on your own?
3. When did you stop feeling so overwhelmed all the time?
IVF #3 10/09 BFP!
12dp3dt Beta #1 = 319
14dp3dt Beta #2 = 565
21dp3dt Beta #3 = 10,475! u/s showed twins!!
IVF 12/12 BFP!
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Re: When does "survival mode" end and u feel like u can handle it?
Big hugs! I remember when DH went back to work at week 7 and it was SO SO hard. I still struggle with sleep issues, but once they hit around 2.5 months my boys began to smile and laugh and it became a lot easier then. It felt like all that hard work paid off.
1. It took me until 3 months to feed both at the same time due to DS1's colic. He would swallow so much air. Once I fed them at the same time, life became a lot easier. I sit them in their bouncy chairs and I use one of those video game chairs. I put it between the chairs and feed them that way. you could also sit on the floor, but this helps my back out.
https://www.walmart.com/ip/Video-Rocker-Blk-Blk-Mesh-Racing-Stripe/5700306?findingMethod=rr
2. I didn't feel like I could handle it on my own until 3-4 months. It is really hard when you're on your own by yourself all day. It does get easier, little by little. But, raising multiples will always be hard.
3. I had so much anxiety/panic attacks when DH went back to work. At times, I still get overwhelmed, but it's not as bad as it was. For awhile, I was almost paralyzed with fear, I couldn't sleep, eat, or get anything done. Again, around the 3 month mark is when things improved for myself and for the boys.
Hang in there! I agree that the feeding/burping is the most stressful in the beginning. Give it a few more weeks and you'll be more confident in yourself and you'll start to get into a pattern. you are doing a great job with them! If you weren't you wouldn't be concerned and you wouldn't feel like you're doing a half a** job. Every time I get overwhelmed I tell myself, I am one person, with 2 hands. Your children can feel your love and that is what's important. Not that they cry for an extra 2 minutes because you're taking care of the other one. They're not going to even remember when they get older and in fact, they're going to be better off because they have their twin and will have such a special relationship early on in life. Plus, they have a mom who loves them and took such good care of them!
When things get tough, remember to breathe and to always take some time out for yourself every day. Sometimes, when they are both crying, I have to sit back and laugh or laugh at myself for freaking out. Babies are resilient and as long as their basic needs are met, they are going to be fine!!
Hang in there it does get better.
1. I breast fed and bottle fed. When bottle feeding I would lay them on the outside of my legs on couch pillows, so they were propped up a little and just feed. Burb one then burb the other, one was always faster than the other. My husband used the boppy more than I did, he would prop one in there and then use the crook of his leg for the other. I have short legs so that was not an option for me. When they got older I would just lay them on the floor and let them hold their own bottles, that way I could get stuff done.
2. I had to do it on my own almost right away, my h only had a week off. Since I lost my job he had to go back to work right away. I was overwhelmed and called him crying a lot but after about week two I was better and getting into a routine.
3. It took maybe the first month and half then I was fine.
1. The easiest way I found, was to sit on the couch or floor with my legs out, and lay one baby head on each thigh with their bodies pointed away from me. Then I could put one bottle in each hand and feed. Burping usually made them cry a little while they were waiting for the other, but it didn't take very long and they were fine as soon as they had the bottle back in their mouth again.
2. I felt like I could handle it from the beginning. I just went into it with the attitude, of "these are my children, I am their mother, I will do the best I can for them and that's all I can do." It's ok to make mistakes, and have bad days, and feel like you want to do more for them, just make yourself realize that all you can do is the best you can. As long as you're giving them everything you have, you're doing a great job. Plus you HAVE to handle it if you're home with them by yourself, so there's really no other option is there.
3. It got less overwhelming around 2-3 months for me. About the time we got DD's reflux under control was when I felt like things got easier. She stopped crying all.day.every.day. and became a happy baby again, and things were just better and easier.
Bless your heart! The beginning is always the hardest.
My boys were 9 weeks old when they came home from the hospital but were still very much newborns.
1. How do you bottle feed both of them at the same time?
When they first came home, I would feed one then immediately feed the other. When they were about 4 months old, I would prop one with a bottle and then hold one to feed.
2. When did it feel like you could handle it on your own?
Again my boys were 9 weeks old when they came home and after a few days of non-stop company, I decided I could do it on my own at 10 weeks.
3. When did you stop feeling so overwhelmed all the time?
I didn't feel quite so overwhelmed after they were home for a while. I had gotten into a routine and everyday was the same thing. Just keeping telling yourself that this isn't permanent. It was the only thing that kept me sane!
It does get easier - take a deep breath and remember that you are a GREAT mom!! You can do it!
I don't have much time so I am just going to answer you questions quickly:
1. How do you bottle feed both of them at the same time? At that age I found it easiest to sit on the couch and lay each baby with their head in the bend between my leg and hip. That way I could control the angle of their heads by moving my leg. Bounceys worked well too, once they were a little bigger.
2. When did it feel like you could handle it on your own? I didn't have a choice - DH only took 1 day off of work so it was a sink or swim situation for me. I would say that I started enjoying them by myself around 6 months - but that I handled them on my own without tears and breakdowns (mine not theirs) around 8-10 weeks.
3. When did you stop feeling so overwhelmed all the time? Around 9 weeks - I went back to work and that helped because it got me out of the house. Even over my christmas break (they were 4 months old) I was overwhelmed sometimes - but not constantly.
Trust me - it goes by SO fast - you won't remember the panic attacks in a few months
Just remember to breathe and if you can get out of the house by yourself even for just an hour while somebody else watches them you should do it - it will save your sanity.
I'm so glad you asked these questions!!!
I am on my first week alone - actually today is my first day alone with the boys. My DH went back to work after 2 weeks and my mother took the following 2 weeks off. I was very nervous and felt very overwhelmed about the thought of being alone with the boys & doing it by myself during the day. So far, so good today but I haven't made any goals for myself to complete for the day besides make it through it!!
Thanks to the other ladies for all the great advice.
6 weeks was actually the roughest time for me; the newness had worn off and the sleep deprivation had built up. We were in survival mode till they started STTN at 4m, but it did get better at 8w when we started following HSHHC and the boys started taking fairly consistent naps.
1. Boppies when they were little; bouncy seats when they were bigger. I would sit between them with my back against a wall/couch, etc.
2. DH went back to work after less than 2 weeks. It was tough but we made it through.
3. Around 3m or so.
6 weeks was actually the turning point for me - from that point on it got a LOT easier.
1. I have them in FP Newborn-to-Toddler rockers and sit between them, holding a bottle in each hand. They fuss and cry a bit when I have to stop feeding them to burp, but there's no way around that unfortunately.
2. My mom flew home when they were 5 weeks old and DH returned to work at the same time, so that's when I HAD to handle it on my own. I don't think I felt really confident until probably 7 weeks though.
3. They dropped a night feed at around 6 weeks and getting that bit of extra sleep really helped me feel less overwhelmed. Also, I found out that the more I did, the less intimidating everything was - for example, I was TERRIFIED of taking them both out at once by myself for ages. When I finally did it, it wasn't nearly as bad as I'd built it up to be in my head. Doing things like that really helped build my confidence, and that in turn helped me feel less overwhelmed by it all.