When Did You Start to Feel "Normal" Again? — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

When Did You Start to Feel "Normal" Again?

I have been away from this board for a while but I had an ectopic pregnancy at the end of April this year and as a result lost one of my tubes. In the aftermath, I had to pull myself together quickly to finish a masters degree and internship. I thought I was doing ok until recently...

 Everyone around me is pregnant or just had a child. I have a gorgeous two year old who I am grateful for every day but every time I hear of a new pregnancy lately, I am just overcome with sadness. I am so happy for those around who are pregnant but so devastated over my own loss. Compounding these feelings are the 4 baby showers I have been invited to this month as well as a baptism. It is hard to slap a smile on my face and act like all is normal when I am so heartbroken.

When did you start to feel "normal" again?

Re: When Did You Start to Feel "Normal" Again?

  • ((hugs)) I do not know about when you feel normal again, but I can imagine 4 baby showers in one month isn't helping.  Don't pressure yourself to go to them all if it's too difficult.  I went to walmart today and saw a onsie that said "born in 2010" and it was ugly quite honestly, but I cried when I saw it.

    Hopefully with time things will get easier and easier.

  • Honestly, I'm not sure you ever do. It's going to be a new kind of normal, now. You know? You can't go back to how you were before, and that's part of the mourning that goes into all of this. It really sucks.

    I am so sorry for your loss.

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  • I am not sure that we will ever be totally normal. What I mean by that is that this has changed me and I suspect it is that way for a lot of us. I think that the showers have caused your pain to peak and I am so sorry that you are feeling more intense pain right now. I am not really sure that I will ever be able to think the same way about pregnancy and babies but it has been only a couple of months for me so maybe I am still to fresh to be objective. IDK.
    DS Born 10/05/99 DSS Born 7/11/95 BFP 05/11/10 - Missed M/C, D&C 06/23/10 BFP 8/3/2010 - Ectopic, Methotrexate 8/17/10 BFP 1/27/11- Please God let this heart beat strong. Beta1 17dpo-314 Beta2 20dpo-883 Beta3 22dpo-1861 Beta4 25dpo-5918 DS2 Born 10/07/99 "I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he shall be given over to the LORD." 1Sam1v24to28.
  • I don't know, I still get upset and such and my lost happened in March. 
  • I think we are all changed bc of this experience.  We will never forget our loss(es) and certain things will trigger our memories.  As pp mentioned, 4 baby showers is definitely a trigger.  I'm sorry.
    image Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Every night I prayed for you. Then when you were in my belly, I prayed harder. Now that you're in my arms, I pray even harder.
  • I agree that we are forever changed and don't go back to "normal" but instead have a new normal. My loss was almost six months ago and 99% of the time I'm ok, but there are definitely times that things still get overwhelming.

    4 baby showers would be tough on anyone, don't be to hard on yourself.

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  • I'm so sorry for your loss. I started seeing a grief counselor about 2 weeks afterwards, and it took about 2 months post loss to feel "normal" again.

    However, it's a new normal. A part of me has a sadness and bitterness I never had before. I still cry and/or tear up everyday. But, the grief doesn't consume me like it did before.


    BFP #1 via IUI ~ L (Fatal Birth Defect) 4/7/10
    BFP #2 via IUI ~ m/c

    BFP #3 via cancelled IUI ~ C (2lb 3oz; HELLP) 5/16/11

    BFP #4 via the natural (free!) way ~ E (8lb 11oz) 9/13/12

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