So, sitting here all afternoon waiting to start bleeding (which of course I haven't), I was vacillating between abject grief and insane anger. Everyone always says, I would never wish miscarriage on anyone.
I don't know that I would actively wish it on anyone, per se, but I see a lot of people day in and day out that I feel do not deserve a child as much as my DH and I. Even worse, when I am on the bump, some posters just rub me the wrong way, and I think, why can't THEY be the ones going through this?
I feel like I have been through a lot of crap in the past 2 years and this loss is just the fvcking icing on the cake. It's just one thing after another. I work with this woman who just cruises through life. You know the type. Always gets the job she wants; all her family is perfectly harmonious and happy and healthy; she got pregnant on her first try and is just sailing through the whole thing and is due in October. I guess she's a nice girl. But I look at her and think, have you had any problem in your life worse than deciding what Louis Vuitton to purchase?
I know most people will not agree with me and that is fine. I just needed to put it out there. I own my bitterness.
Re: The thing you are not supposed to think or say.
Im sorry but I feel the same way right now! Dh is at work and I can't help thinking, you know why can't anything go right??!?!?!?!? People get pregnant by mistake everyday and have health pregnancies and babies so what happened to me? Whatever happened to planning and saving and doing things right? Then things don't turn out so right after all
sorry (((HUGS)))
i am with you 100%++. i have been working my butt of my whole life and nothing ever goes right. or when something goes right its always followed by something going sooo much worse.
i find the love of my life and 2 months later i lose my mom, dad and grandma(who raised me) all in 2 months span.
so then we get married, everything is in place for babies now...have trouble getting preg, a year and a half laterwe get preg, mc at 6 weeks, 2 months later preg again and mc at 12 weeks...
its craziness...so then then theres all these ppl around me where everything goes right for and im oblivious...its just not fair!!!
but we have to keep going it will pan out!!
BFP #1 - m/c on 12.22.09 @ 8w3d
BFP #2 - d&c on 07.22.10 @11w1d
BFP #3 - DS born on 06.22.11 @41w3d!
BFP #4 - Due 04.24.13
Jenn
3 IUI's all BFN
IVF#1 BFN IVF#2 BFP, loss at 19 weeks FET#1 BFN IVF#3 BFP, m/c FET#2 BFN
Missing our twins Zachary and Madison, lost at 19 weeks on 11/13/09, edd 4/9/10
BFP 7/17/10, m/c 7/25/10, edd 3/25/11
Ectopic, lost left tube 4/20/11, edd 12/6/11
my blog
i do agree that all these hardships make us stronger, which is what motivates me everyday ;o)
Being angry is part of the process, but I think that every woman on this board understand what you're talking about. I think that you're allowed to go through any emotion that you feel for as long as you'd like. I know what you mean about it looking like women are just floating along, affected by nothing... One thing I found out about losing a baby earlier this year is that a LOT of my acquaintances had lost babies as well, all different times of pregnancy, some almost full term...
I think that my best piece of advice is to get it off your chest. write it down, start a blog (thats what I did and it helped SO much), talk to someone... just dont hold it in. I feel like getting it out of your body and system helps you to heal...
I am really sorry for your loss and hope that your body heals quickly...
Me,. too.