The thing you are not supposed to think or say. — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

The thing you are not supposed to think or say.

So, sitting here all afternoon waiting to start bleeding (which of course I haven't), I was vacillating between abject grief and insane anger.  Everyone always says, I would never wish miscarriage on anyone.  

 I don't know that I would actively wish it on anyone, per se, but I see a lot of people day in and day out that I feel do not deserve a child as much as my DH and I.  Even worse, when I am on the bump, some posters just rub me the wrong way, and I think, why can't THEY be the ones going through this?  

I feel like I have been through a lot of crap in the past 2 years and this loss is just the fvcking icing on the cake.  It's just one thing after another.  I work with this woman who just cruises through life.  You know the type.  Always gets the job she wants; all her family is perfectly harmonious and happy and healthy; she got pregnant on her first try and is just sailing through the whole thing and is due in October.  I guess she's a nice girl.  But I look at her and think, have you had any problem in your life worse than deciding what Louis Vuitton to purchase?

I know most people will not agree with me and that is fine.  I just needed to put it out there.  I own my bitterness.

Re: The thing you are not supposed to think or say.

  • You have a right to be bitter and feel sorry for yourself.  Part of that might come in jealousy of others.  You're right, there are some people who sail through life and it can seem unfair.  Remember though sometimes people put on a good front and behind closed doors, have tons of issues.
    image Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Every night I prayed for you. Then when you were in my belly, I prayed harder. Now that you're in my arms, I pray even harder.
  • Im sorry but I feel the same way right now! Dh is at work and I can't help thinking, you know why can't anything go right??!?!?!?!? People get pregnant by mistake everyday and have health pregnancies and babies so what happened to me? :( Whatever happened to planning and saving and doing things right? Then things don't turn out so right after all :(

    sorry (((HUGS)))

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  • One of my best friends went through TTC for 3 years- natural+clomid+IVF (which finally worked).  She had VERY similar feelings.  It is normal and you are allowed to feel this way, just don't let it eat you alive (even though I know that's not an easy thing to do). 
  • i am with you 100%++.  i have been working my butt of my whole life and nothing ever goes right.  or when something goes right its always followed by something going sooo much worse.

    i find the love of my life and 2 months later i lose my mom, dad and grandma(who raised me) all in 2 months span.

     so then we get married, everything is in place for babies now...have trouble getting preg, a year and a half laterwe get preg, mc at 6 weeks, 2 months later preg again and mc at 12 weeks...

     its craziness...so then then theres all these ppl around me where everything goes right for and im oblivious...its just not fair!!!

     but we have to keep going it will pan out!!

  • I think you read my mind. It just eats at me. I find a bit of comfort though knowing that I am a lot stronger of a person because of my hardships.
    married 09.06.08
    BFP #1 - m/c on 12.22.09 @ 8w3d
    BFP #2 - d&c on 07.22.10 @11w1d
    BFP #3 - DS born on 06.22.11 @41w3d!
    BFP #4 - Due 04.24.13
  • I agree with previous posters.. EVERYONE has issues, etc.. and there will come a time when that person will have to deal with some hardship or pain.. it is a part of life.. (dealing with death of loved ones, etc.).. It DOES suck when it seems that she lives the life and gets everything handed to her easily.. can totally relate to your feelings and I have had alot of pain in my life, but I also realize that I'm not alone in my pain and that it really has made me a stronger and better person.
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  • I agree with you. I am so bitter, dh and I have been trying for years and nothing. But my druggie cousin gets pregnant no problems and has a healthy baby.

    Jenn

    image 3 IUI's all BFN

    IVF#1 BFN IVF#2 BFP, loss at 19 weeks FET#1 BFN IVF#3 BFP, m/c FET#2 BFN

    Missing our twins Zachary and Madison, lost at 19 weeks on 11/13/09, edd 4/9/10

    BFP 7/17/10, m/c 7/25/10, edd 3/25/11

    Ectopic, lost left tube 4/20/11, edd 12/6/11

    my blog

  • Ohhhh trust me, I get it! I've felt it. I've felt the anger. Those same words have come out of my mouth over and over again. Why does the trashy 15 year old get to keep her baby when it was an oh crap pregnancy??!!?? Why do people in my own family have happy healthy kids that they could care less about and my precious Jasmine was taken away from me? I get it, I really do!
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers BabyFetus Ticker
  • Believe me, everyone's time comes.  I have always thought of myself as one of those people who sails through life more fortunate that others for some reason unknown to me.  I liked to think the difference is that I always knew how lucky I was and didn't take it for it for granted.  Well, all in July, I have a miscarriage & get diagnosed with lupus.  No one lucks out forever...
  • image bridgeybride:
    I agree with previous posters.. EVERYONE has issues, etc.. and there will come a time when that person will have to deal with some hardship or pain.. it is a part of life.. (dealing with death of loved ones, etc.).. It DOES suck when it seems that she lives the life and gets everything handed to her easily.. can totally relate to your feelings and I have had alot of pain in my life, but I also realize that I'm not alone in my pain and that it really has made me a stronger and better person.

     

    i do agree that all these hardships make us stronger, which is what motivates me everyday  ;o)

  • This is the safe place to be bitter and it is normal. I think that so many of us have a hard time watching the news, or just being out in the community and seeing women who do not deserve to have children having them anyway. Your co-worker does have problems too, I am sure of it, she just hides them well.
    DS Born 10/05/99 DSS Born 7/11/95 BFP 05/11/10 - Missed M/C, D&C 06/23/10 BFP 8/3/2010 - Ectopic, Methotrexate 8/17/10 BFP 1/27/11- Please God let this heart beat strong. Beta1 17dpo-314 Beta2 20dpo-883 Beta3 22dpo-1861 Beta4 25dpo-5918 DS2 Born 10/07/99 "I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he shall be given over to the LORD." 1Sam1v24to28.
  •  Being angry is part of the process, but I think that every woman on this board understand what you're talking about. I think that you're allowed to go through any emotion that you feel for as long as you'd like. I know what you mean about it looking like women are just floating along, affected by nothing... One thing I found out about losing a baby earlier this year is that a LOT of my acquaintances had lost babies as well, all different times of pregnancy, some almost full term...

     

    I think that my best piece of advice is to get it off your chest. write it down, start a blog (thats what I did and it helped SO much), talk to someone... just dont hold it in. I feel like getting it out of your body and system helps you to heal... 

     

    I am really sorry for your loss and hope that your body heals quickly...

  • image hopefulmamma:

    image bridgeybride:
    I agree with previous posters.. EVERYONE has issues, etc.. and there will come a time when that person will have to deal with some hardship or pain.. it is a part of life.. (dealing with death of loved ones, etc.).. It DOES suck when it seems that she lives the life and gets everything handed to her easily.. can totally relate to your feelings and I have had alot of pain in my life, but I also realize that I'm not alone in my pain and that it really has made me a stronger and better person.

     

    i do agree that all these hardships make us stronger, which is what motivates me everyday  ;o)

    Me,. too.  :)

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