pockets of sadness... — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

pockets of sadness...

I kind of feel guilty.

The past few days have gone by so quickly- From Tuedsay until now I have experienced every fathomable emotion. Though my sadness is in little pockets scattered here and there. Mostly I feel like somebody transplanted me back into my body 2 and a half months ago.

I went today for a tattoo with DH. We both got beetles, b/c that was the name we were using for LO. 

 Should I feel guilty for having drinks and wine last night with friends? For having fun and smiling and laughing? Because honestly I don't know what else to do. Sadness and woe is just not a comfortable place for me. I miss the little life I was helping grow, and I wish that there wasn't a problem that stopped their tiny heart. I wanted to be this persons mother...but that wasn't meant to be. Not now...so I look forward to the future with hope and happiness. Stopping to cry every once and a while when a pocket of sadness finds me.  Thats just where I am....but then I feel guilty when I think how different my life was just a week ago.

 

Does anyone else get sad from how fast they've been able to resume a somewhat normal pre-preggo life?

Re: pockets of sadness...

  • First, Im sorry about what happened. At the beginning of the year I went for an 11 week appointment to find that the babies heard had stopped at 8 weeks... I had a "missed miscarriage" my body didn't do anything to react...

     I also went and got a tattoo after, I think a week later. It was my way of healing, and although it's hard it reminds me of the good times, like telling my husband that we were going to have another kid, the way it brought him and I closer, and being able to rely on people for help. I also had started a blog which helped a lot to get things off my chest but not burden someone else with my loss. It's really "in the moment" and emotional but it's available for people to read at myflappinggums.blogspot.com. I tell other women about it because although it's hard to hear someone elses story women dont really talk about the hard times and need to know that others are going through it too.

     

    I think that you'll heal how you're going to heal, and you can't blame yourself for being able to go on with your life. I listened when people said it wasn't my fault, and I realized that nothing could have prevented what happened to that pregnancy... Just cry when you need to, get it off your chest, but dont feel guilty... Everyone moves on differently.

  • Sorry.  The rememberance tattoo is a nice gesture that will always be a reminder of that great love.  You should not feel guilty about enjoying yourself.  You need it now more than ever.  I told my DH that we were taking lemons and making lemonade by doing things this summer that I couldn't have if I were pregnant.  We went to Hershey Park & Lancaster and whitewater rafting and in a few weeks we're going to Virginia to Busch Gardens and then Tennessee to visit friends (that was planned b4 mc though).  It's my way of staying positive.
    image Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Every night I prayed for you. Then when you were in my belly, I prayed harder. Now that you're in my arms, I pray even harder.
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  • Thanks ladies....It's just odd. Overall today I've felt really blue. I can't wait to get back my spunk- Tomorrow is my first day back at the gym. I'm hoping that my mission to get really strong  and fit physically will keep my chin up...

    But DH has been amazing. I just want to spend everysinglesecond with him- He's made everything so much better. Being able to cry with somebody, but then moments later laugh is so important to me. He's been my rock. I'm really lucky to have him.

     I'm also doing things that if I were pregnant I couldn't- I'm signing up for trapeze class, I got the tattoo, and I'm going to go wine tasting in a few weeks. I'm also eating cold cuts, and brie, and sushi. Just stuff that I can enjoy since if I get too much into my head I get really upset.

     

    Thanks again.

     

     

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