Finally a breakthrough, being pg again is a blessing
PurpleK26
member
So, you may remember that I'd posted a while back, a few days after Mother's Day to be exact, that I just wasn't feeling connected to Kaygan at all. I felt like I'd been given a 'consolation prize' for loosing my 'real' baby. I'd look at her and just not 'recognize' her as my own... man that's alot of ' ' those thinging.
So, Since getting this BFP, I've looked at Kaygan in a whole new way. I have no idea why, but finally, FINALLY my heart sings when I see her. I have so much patience for her even when she's being a pill. I think it's because I know that she won't get to be my little baby for long, before she'll be the big sister, and there will be another little baby to take up my time, and take time away from her.
I don't feel guilty about her not having more time being the only child. None of our other children will ever have that luxury, so why feel guilty about Kaygan not having it.
I don't know what finally clicked into place, but I finally feel like my family is 'right', even though I know one is missing. I'd always before said that if we'd had Taylor, we wouldn't have had Kaygan but I wouldn't have missed her. I had so many people tell me that I'd eventually feel differently, and while I don't totally feel that way, I don't constantly think "this isn't the baby I should be holding" the way I was.
Whew, if you read that far thanks. I'm so excited that I finally feel like I can breathe!
Re: Finally a breakthrough, being pg again is a blessing
I am so glad you are feeling at peace a little more. Although you will always miss Taylor, Kaygan is also irreplacable. And as for having to give your attention to more than one baby, my MIL (who had 2 babies in 11 months) told me that she never really felt the kids were negatively affected by being so close together. She said it was stressful for HER, but the kids had built in playmates.
So glad you are feeling better!
So happy you are happy
Although I am a little jealous that you are KTFU
LOL!
Surgery for ectopic pregnancy June 3, 2008
******
BFP #2 September 25, 2008
Baby boy born June 4, 2009 at 40 weeks
8 pounds 13 ounces and 23 inches
******
BFP #3 February 6, 2011
First U/S February 25, 2011 = TWINS!!!
Boy/girl twins born October 4, 2011