big time vent & need advice! (long!)
I am so irritated right now. I'm not sure if irritated is the right word... im pretty much just upset.
I can't remember if I've posted about this before, but to share some backstory, We are friends with a couple who is due in December. Her due date is actually a day away from what Olivia's was. When they shared with us that they were pregnant, we acted excited and said "CONGRATULATIONS"... and they were not excited. at all. Their pregnancy was unplanned. So was ours. However, we accepted immediately after seeing the BFP that we were about to be parents, and we were excited right away. We weren't as "ready" financially as we would have liked to have been, but we knew we could do it, and we were happy about it. Over the past 4 months, they have done NOTHING but complain. They started calling the baby "he" from the beginning, saying that they "wouldn't" have a girl.
I was hoping hoping hoping they were right, and that it would be a boy... partly because this is one of my fiance's best friends from high school, and the other best friend and his wife already have a son that was born in April. Olivia was supposed to be the little girl best friend of their son.. our pregnancies overlapped and we were so excited to have kids at the same time so that they could grow up together. But OF COURSE, these friends are having a girl. Now, they are referring to her as "it", even though she has a name (weird, right?). Now we have to more than likely watch her grow up playing with our other friends' baby... where Olivia should have been. But I've been sucking it up, and not complaining because really... what can ya do?
BUT it gets worse! Yesterday while I was at work, kurt went boating with this couple. He found out that his friend's fiance has an enlarged placenta blocking her cervix, and will have to have a c-section. She's supposed to be on bed rest (but is boating!?!?), and they won't deliver the baby anytime past 34 weeks. Her doctors told her that depending on how things go, they may have to deliver her at TWENTY SIX weeks, or somewhere in between. As we all know, 26 weeks meens teeny tiny NICU baby.
I know it sounds selfish, and I would never wish bad things on ANYONE, i don't want anyone to go through what we've gone through, but it will be so hard for me to see this baby, if she is born that early, being in the NICU for weeks, and then getting to come home. I know her parents will love her and they'll probably adjust to being parents and do just fine, but I just keep thinking "WTF, they don't even want this baby".
In addition to that, Kurt asked her if she was scared about that. She said, "the only thing I can think about is what kind of horrible scar i'm going to have". KNSGKNDSGL:KSNGk SERIOUSLY!?? I just want to grab her by the shoulders and shake some sense into her. How does she not realize how serious this is. STOP going boating on the lake, go home, and freaking take care of yourself! read some pregnancy books for God's sake. We see these people all the time, and I just don't know how to cope with hanging out with them anymore. I've been trying to be really positive while talking to them, acting like i'm really excited... I guess because I'm hoping that they'll jump on the bandwagon and actually be excited that they're having a baby, but I can't handle the negativity about it anymore. I'm to the point where I feel like next time we're together and she says something awful, I feel like I need to say something to her, but I don't know how to say it without being offensive. They supported us through our loss and came to the funeral, I just don't know how they can sit and look us in the eyes and tell us all about how awful it is that they're having a child. Any advice?
((sorry this is so long, and sorry if this offends anyone!)
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Re: big time vent & need advice! (long!)
Honestly, I would limit my time with them. Supporting you through your loss would include being sensitive even now and understanding that the last thing you want to hear is their unhappiness at having a child.
Also, I wouldn't worry about offending them the next time they say something insensitive. What they need is your perspective on things, which would hopefully shock them out of their bad attitudes and make them be grateful with what they have.
Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12
Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck. Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.
This Cluttered Life