Tricky situation/decision and telling my mom (long)

emmettsgirl · August 2010

So up until now DD has stayed home with my mom. My mom is great she lives about 35-40 min. away and drives all the way to our house to watch her! My mom still works fulltime, but petitioned to work from home when she found out I was pregnant to watch the LO. So, she brings her computer to our house and works while she takes care of DD. She wanted to do this for several reasons, to spend time with her granddaughter, to help us out finanically, and to prevent her from going to daycare. My mom has very strong feelings against daycare (she feels like kids don't get the attn. they need, they get sick, and are wearhoused, etc.) I happen to be a teacher at a Montessori school for children ages 6 weeks to 12 years. I teach in the toddler class and love it! As a teacher, I have the summer off and have spent what has turned out to be the best summer of my life with DD. My issue is this: My mom can only watch her a few days a week, due to meetings, travel, etc.(oocasionally she travels for several days or a week at at time) for work and before I was off for the summer, my DH who has a flexible work schedule, filled in when she couldn't do it. Well I am about to go back to work and my DH is trying to open a business and needs all is days off to run meetings, and work on this new venture, then if/when he opens it he will be busy all the time working there. This means that DH is no longer availible to watch her on the days my mom can't. So we are left with trying to figure out childcare for DD. After spending the summer with DD, I just don't think I can leave her. We can't afford for me to stay home right now, so I feel like the next best thing is to bring her to work with me. We have great teachers in the infant room, and a beautiful facility. Her room would be right next to mine and are even connected by a door and a bathroom. I would get to wake her up in the am get her dressed ride with her to school. Feed her there, check on her as many times as I would like, eat lunch with her, and spend the time together on the ride home (30 min). I just don't know how to tell my mom. She will hate the idea of her being in "daycare" and could have her feelings hurt as well. I know that at home with my mom she gets 1 on 1 atten., but like I said mom is only availible 2 or 3 days a week and before I got off for the summer, she complained all the time that she never got any work done, and my DH who was occationally home while she was there said that there were several occassions where DD was left crying while my mom was busy, work call, etc. I feel like this is the best for all of us,but I know she won't feel the same way. I had to bring DD to school a couple of times before, when my mom couldn't watch her and DH was busy and my mom always was very unpleasant about it ( you're taking her THERE! With all the germs! Poor Baby. I sure hope she doesn't get sick!) I don't know. I guess I am just venting and asking for advice too. Sorry this is so long. Thanks

alybookgirl · August 2010

You have to do what's best for YOUR family. LO is your child, not your mothers. And while I understand that you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, your mom will have to accept it. Just explain the situation and make sure she understands that it is what you and DH have decided upon. She may not like it, but eventually she will come around to it. Sorry you're going through this. Even though I SAH, my mom freaks when I leave DD with anyone but her when I have an appt or something.

electricdoctor83 · August 2010

You have the opportunity to take your child to the same school that you work in and you will get to see her multiple times a day but you are worried about what your mom thinks? Unless your mom wants to quit her job because of the "horror" of daycares Confused then she shouldn't have any say on what you do for your child.

You are going to have to just tell her that she's going to school with you and that's it, no discussion where she tries to make you feel guilty. Do what's best for your child and your family.

erikaja6 · August 2010

This is a no-brainer. Put your child in daycare at your school. It sounds like a wonderful solution to me. I am a teacher, but I decided to stay at home with my son for a few years. However, if there was a wonderful daycare facility at my school, I probably would have returned to work. As a previous poster said, unless your mom is willing to quit her job, then she really is in no position to complain. It's your family and your decision.

emmettsgirl · August 2010

Thanks for the advice ladies! My DH and I had already made our decision about this, but I guess I just needed some help getting up the guts to break the news to my mom, knowing that she wouldn't like it. You ladies gave me the kick in the butt to grow the balls and just do it! Thanks. I just need to ignore any guilt or negavtity she gives me about it and just keep reminding myself that even though there are some negatives about my choice there are many more positives and it feels right for us. Thanks again.

yale · August 2010

Sounds to me like you've already made your decision. And your decision is the best decision for you and your family. Your mom will hopefully get over it.

Emilia0101 · August 2010

Looking at your ticker if your mom thought she was getting nothing done before in a few months she won't be able to do anything. I was very anti daycare for the reasons you listed in your first post. When LO was 10 I made the choice to start back to work. The age she is now she does great! She can interact with other kids, and I feel she is getting a lot out of it. We have fun getting up in the morning and heading to her "school". I think it is impossible for your mom to work from home and provide a quality level of childcare for your child. I think taking her to school with you is a no brainer.

norbert5 · August 2010

I think you have a perfect set up with the daycare right next door. I would let your mom know and then tell her now she doesn't have to worry about being daycare/grandma. She can just be grandma and watch the baby when you two need a date night or something. Maybe if you put that spin on it she would be more positive about you "warehousing" her in a daycare. Wink

JennifernKevin4ever · August 2010

I say you need to do what works best for your family. I work for a daycare and DS comes with me. I love it that he is with me and not someone else. He has gotten sick from being there, but I was told that him getting sick now will help him from getting sick when he is in school. My SIL works at the same place as me and brought both of her kids and they rarely get sick now that they are in school. It may hurt your moms feelings but it sounds like it will be best for you in the long run. Atleast she got to stay home for most of the first year, so it won't be so bad.

Sus77 · August 2010

I think putting your LO in a daycare facility where you are literally next door is a wonderful situation. She will learn to socialise with other children and as for the germs, if's she's never exposed to any she not going to have much of an immune system!

Good luck telling your Mom, I'm sure she'll realise it's the most sensible option.

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Tricky situation/decision and telling my mom (long)

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