I hope this makes sense--after the first m/c at 10 weeks, I was a mess, but we were in the middle of moving so I kind of had no choice but to "go on". We were in temporary living and then staying with my parents for 2 weeks before our house was ready. This time around, although I was much earlier (5 weeks) I am a complete wreck. It's like I never fully grieved the first one, and now I'm grieving both at once. I have sat at home crying all morning--kind of awkward when you have a toddler (dh was working today). I was invited out with a friend, but I can't do it. I literally do not want to be around anyone in a social setting. The only thing going through my mind at all times is related to miscarriages--it is consuming me. It's so difficult to be around people when all you can think about it one thing--and it's not typically something you sit around and talk about with people.
To top it off--I got labs back yesterday basically saying my thyroid is a mess. I had been borderline hypothyroid back when I got pregnant in December. The meds ended up making me hyPERthyroid. Now months after I stopped taking them I am still hyperthyroid and my numbers all out of whack. I have been referred to an endocrinologist, but of course all I've done in the meantime is google miscarriage+hyperthyroid. I feel like I caused this all! If I hadn't gone on the meds in the first place (I was "borderline" afterall), if I had gotten follow up blood work sooner, all sorts of if's. It's really messing with my mind.
Sorry so long. I hate this. I just needed to "talk" about it with someone.