Baby shower and inlaws — The Bump
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Baby shower and inlaws

So my sister inlaw has offered to throw my shower I am so grateful, however my hubs parents are seperated and it will be at his dads house. His parents get along but more because they have to not cause they want to. I want my MIL to be there cause they is her grandchild to but almost feel like I have to cater to make sure everyone plays nice and its not awkward for  my step mil and my mil to be in the same room. Anyone have a situation like this how did you handle it.

Re: Baby shower and inlaws

  • It's not on you to manage their relationship.  THey are adults. I doubt this is the first time they've been around one another.  Don't try to get involved in their relationsihp. It's really not your place.

    I think the only thing I would have done is try to have it held at a neutral location. I would imagine it will be hard for your MIL to have to go to her ex's house. 

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  • I simply expect everyone to act like adults.
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  • We actually have a problem between my family and DH's family. They have not been in the same room in years. I have let everyone know that I am NOT playing the in between. People need to be in the same room and get along. I know this might seem harsh, but they are all adults. If they want to be involved then they will make it work. I also do not want to mediate pregnant and emotional or with a newborn. I do not think it is fair to you if you feel you need to cater to everyone. Tell people you know it is hard, but you appreciate them acting nice for you and the baby.
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  • I simply wouldn't acknowledge it.  MIL and StepMIL will just have to get along.  My husband's parents too are divorced and his mom and stepmom don't really get along ( well it is more on MIL, stepMIL is more than trying to get along with her) and we simply don't make special consideration for anyone.  This is how it is going to be and we don't tolerate whining.  MIL doesn't like, then that is her problem and her loss.
  • I think it should either be at your SIL's home or somewhere neutral.  It is a lot to ask your DH's mom to go to his Dad's house since his step-mother now lives there.  It is one thing for them to get along enough to be in the same room for the sake of the kids and grandkids (plus baby-to-be) but quite another to actually go into the actual "war-zone".  We are fortunate that we've not had to deal with this.  My friend had to though.  She had no problem going to her only child's wedding but she did not attend the shower which was given by her ex-h's sister at HIS house (he was remarried at the time).  She was hurt that they even did that.  Her son certainly understood her feelings but obviously couldn't do anything about it himself.  She just sent the gift.  Your DH's mom might have to do this if she is very uncomfortable to be in her ex-h's and his new wife's home.  I mean...everyone's intention should be to make guests as comfortable as reasonably possible.

    I am sure a lot depends on how well the ex-couple gets along and what the divorce was like.  My friend's divorce was messy...after 20 years he decided he no longer wanted to be with her and told her on Christmas morning!!  They were on their way to HER family's home.  She had to pretend all was honky dory the whole 3 days they were there (out of state).  She was in shock and she said that helped I guess.  She still loved him and was super hurt when he married "one of her friends" the day after the divorce was final.  Great friend.  I think all that combined and it was only 3 years after the divorce that the shower came up.

  • I would not handle it. They are adults. They can be civil for several hours for your sake. If not, let SIL handle it.

     

  • image EastCoastBride:

    It's not on you to manage their relationship.  THey are adults. I doubt this is the first time they've been around one another.  Don't try to get involved in their relationsihp. It's really not your place.

    I think the only thing I would have done is try to have it held at a neutral location. I would imagine it will be hard for your MIL to have to go to her ex's house. 

    Ditto. They're adults and I would expect them to act as such. Good luck.

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