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2nd Trimester
NBR - Am I out of line?
This is a bit lengthy....I need to vent, but the more I think about it I feel like I'm being selfish or overreacting....I don't know...
DH's brother and SIL are really nice people but I've never really fit in with them. I'm not trying to be mean, but they can be kind of boring and I don't think we've ever been on the same page in the past 4 years that I've known them. They are always very nice to me when I see them, but that is not often at all. Anyway, here's a little history... nearly 3 years ago they had a son and when it came time for him to be baptized, I automatically assumed they would ask my DH to be the godfather, since he is the only sibling either parent has. We had just gotten engaged, so I was not expecting to be asked to be godmother. However, after recieving the invitation in the mail for the baptism, we finally found out that friends of the parents had been chosen over family. DH's feelings were greatly hurt, especially since his own brother couldn't tell him to his face, but he respected their decision. In the meantime, we have never been allowed to take their son anywhere or do anything with him by ourselves. I don't know if they don't trust us or what the problem is. They recently had a second child, a little girl, and while SIL was still pregnant I approached her and told her that when she went in to labor, we would love to take their son so that they wouldn't have to worry about him and so that neither set of grandparents would have to stay home from the hospital. We were told no, that they didn't want him to feel like he was being disregarded, which is an excuse that I did not buy at all. Now, their new baby is almost 2 months old and her baptism is coming up. This time around DH and I were asked to be godparents, which we graciously accepted. However (and this is actually what this whole rant is about) they set the date with the church without ever bothering to ask if the date worked for me. Actually, they never even bothered to ask me personally to be her godmother - they asked DH and he accepted for me!!! Is it really that hard to pick up a phone or even write a quick email? Of course, I have an all day bachelorette event nearly 3 hours from my home the day before the baptism that has been planned long before this baby was even born. It's for a very good friend of mine and I'm actually a bridesmaid, and because my SIL was not considerate enough to call me, I have to miss out on most of the festivities! I'm really bummed because I have been looking forward to this girls day for months!
Then today I was explaining the situation to one of the other bridesmaids and I started thinking....am I being inappropriate? Was it not necessary for my SIL to check my schedule before booking the church? What is proper etiquette in this situation? I mean, I would certainly hope that when it comes our turn to plan a baptism, DH and I have enough sense to talk to the godparents first. I don't know....I mean I know it's only a bachelorette party, but its more about principle than anything else at this point I guess...
Ugh! I'm just frustrated and I don't think these crazy hormones are helping!!!!! 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: NBR - Am I out of line?
second, some people arent comfortable leaving their children with other people..thats their choice. DS is 4 and there is still people (family) im not comfortable leaving him with..and picking someone for the hosptal stay was a huge deal for me..i also didnt want him to feel like we just left him to go have another baby..this is the main reason DH wont be staying overnight in the hospital with me..we want DS to feel normal and loved and not mess up his routine.
last, it sucks you have to miss the party, id be a little pissed too, id be pissed she didnt call me to talk to me and ask me herself, something with an honor like that deserves a face to face ask...BUT as for the date.. she was able to pick it herself? some churches dont allow that..i know mine is the first sunday of every month, if you cant make it you dont get baptized..you wait till the next month. maybe that was the case here.
GL with the situation.. i hope it all works out.
I would never say anything to BIL and SIL. I don't feel accepted by the family as it is, so I wouldn't do anything to further alienate myself. But it sucks because I can't really vent to DH because he is extremely protective of his family...
1) I think it was very rude of them not to have asked you in person.
2) I don't think they had to clear the date with you; however, there would be nothing wrong with your declining the honor because you are busy.
3) You may be able to have someone stand in as a "proxy" godparent, if you can not be at the ceremony. Ask SIL about that if you are comfortable. (I am Catholic, and I believe that this practice is acceptable in the Church).
Are you sure they didn't tell your DH the date when they asked him? It would have been like my DH to not pay any attention to the details, but to accept the honr then wait for the invite to see what was going on. They may have checked with him.
I get that you're upset, and it would have been polite to ask you directly if you would be the godmother, but I would try to not let it bother you that much. The timing isn't fabulous but really what can you do. Go to the bachelorette functions that you can, and then go to the baptism. Be glad it's the day after your bach party, and not the same day!
It does stink that you have it all happening at once, but try to lok at the bright side that you are being included in two very special events in these people's lives.
There's no obligation to ask siblings to be godparents, so yes, I think you're overreacting about not being asked to be GPs for the son.
It would have been nice of her to clear the date with you for the baptism, because I'd think having the godparents there is a pretty integral part, but if she had asked and you had said "oh no, I need to go to a bachelorette party", she might have gotten annoyed.
1) When I'm in the hospital having baby #2, no WAY would I want my daughter to stay with somebody who we see "not often at all". The last thing I want to be worrying about is whether she's happy and comfortable with unfamiliar people, while I'm trying to deal with labor. So on that issue, yes, you're out of line.
2) As a godparent, I definitely think they should have cleared the baptism with your schedule before setting it in stone. I'd be annoyed about having to miss a prior commitment, when the conflict could have been avoided if they'd just asked you ahead of time. So on that issue, you're not out of line, IMO.
I think you are overreacting a bit.
The baptism isn't about you and your schedule. If you want to be godmother, clear it out and attend it.
This is why I don't want godparents for the baby. I don't want this drama.
I don't think you're out of line at all. They definitely should have checked with you and your DH's schedules (since you ARE the godparents and you kinda have to be there). That was very inappropriate on their part.
As for you being offended that they won't let you take their DS places. I wouldn't be. DH and I are VERY overprotected and are too scared to let anyone drive with DS in the car (even grandparents). It's something we have to get over of course because the time will come where they will have to, but for now, we're paranoid. So, please don't take that personally!