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MrsZiz
member
Vent about my mom
MrsZiz
member
So I told my mom right when we found out we were pregnant and MULTIPLE times during that conversation I said Please please please don't tell anyone because we don't want to tell people until after we at least get the first u/s and see the HB and then we'll see if we want to tell... I also told her that I didn't want to go through telling everyone again if something happened because you just never know. I then told her, if you tell ANYONE, next time (we plan on having 3-4 kids) that she'd be the last to know. She promised that she wouldn't tell anyone and she understood.
So today I called to tell her that we saw the HB and all was good. Then later in the day I called my SIL (my brother's wife) to tell her and she already knew bc my mom had told her! I was pi$$ed! I apologized and explained our reason for wanting to wait and she said she totally understood and that she's had a hard time not telling me congrats bc she was excited for us. Then I called my mom to tell her that Rachel already knew and how many other pp had she told. She proceeded to tell me that she had told my entire family on her side, 4 of her friends, her boss and "a couple of other pp" but she couldn't remember who exactly... I was PI$$ED!! I RE-explained to her my reason for not wanting to tell anyone and that my feelings were hurt that she would tell pp my business. She said "well I was just excited"... I understand but I was excited too and those were pp that I didn't get to tell because she had already told them.... she then told me that "I knew it would be different this time so I told pp and I wanted them to pray for you guys bc you guys aren't really big prayer kind of pp"... I explained that no matter what I asked her and stressed why I didn't want her to tell pp and she doesn't seem to care... She proceeded to tell me "that's just fine, I'll be the last to know next time and then I'll be the last to come see the baby and you can just be up there for a month without me instead of me coming right away like I did with Bella".
She's acting like it's MY fault that she told!! I don't know how else to get her to understand that she hurt my feelings. I want this to be a happy time and a happy thing but I'm really upsat with her! Any input?
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Re: Vent about my mom
Oh hon, I'm angry at her FOR ya!
How insensitive and dishonest of your mum to promise you something, because she knew how important it was to you, THEN go off behind your back and pretty much blab it to everyone she can.
If that wasn't insult enough to injury, she THEN tries to turn it around on YOU?! The "Fine, I'll be the last to know next time and so I won't come by for a LONG time after the next one is born....!"
Seriously?!
If that was my mum I'd be telling her "You know you did the wrong thing. I trusted you with very senstive information, you totally and utterly disregarded my wishes and that disregard hurt me and then you tried to make ME feel awful about your actions. Come back to me when you stop being a freaking teenager."
Also, using the "But I was so excited" excuse is kinda like a dude explaining an affair to his wife by saying "I had too much to drink, one thing led to another, I fell over and my pee pee fell into her hoo haa..."
It's called accountability and it's not a swear word.
So yeah, you have a right to be angry and hurt and and she owes you an apology.
Hugs girly, it IS a time to be happy. When you next get a chance, run yourself a BIG bubble bath, put some music on, grab a feelgood book and relax.
TTC/PG Blog | Mommy Blog
This is exactly what Ryan said! It just bugs the $hit out of me that she told and she KNEW how important it was to me... to top things off, she hasn't even called back when she said she would because she knows how mad I am!
Unfortunately this is kind of how my mom works. While I deeply love her, she always turns things around like her saying "fine I'll just be the last one to see her" was meant to hurt me but it didn't, the only one it would really hurt would be her. Last time we were in KC she did the same thing... she wanted to see B and wanter to see her but it was her bedtime so we left my brothers and went back to the place we were staying. She called and said "fine I'll just be the last one to see her then since EVERYONE else already has". Really only my brother and the pp that we were staying with had seen her but my mom really wanted to see her. While I understood, I also wasn't about to ruin B's sleep habits since they are bad enough! Needless to say, it was a GIANT fight which ended with her blaming me for her not seeing B!
A simple apology would help things tremendously! Seriously! I mean it won't erase that she told all of those pp but it will at least help to know that she acknowledges the fact that she screwed up.
i would be furious!!! you have every right to be angry with her.
that said, i think that her saying that she won't come help you after the baby is born is her way of telling to you that you saying you'll tell her last next time is kind of childish (i know you were just trying to make a point). i know it doesn't make her telling people right....nor does it make it right for her to say she won't come right away this time....but that's what she is trying to do. she's trying to tell you that your statement of "if you tell, you'll be the last to know next time" was hurtful to her...but instead of being an adult and simply telling you that, she has to be childish back.
i agree with lori that you should just try to talk to her about it again and simply explain how hurt you are that she couldn't respect your wishes and leave the whole "i won't tell you next time" bit completely out. i don't know how you can get the message across to her but maybe once you both stop threatening each other with hurtful actions, you can start to get her to understand you.
so sorry she's ruining this joyous time for you.
Jaime & Brent
Oahu, Hawaii | Sept. 9, 2005
My Food Blog - Good Eats 'n Sweet Treats
Really good advice here. I second it
I'm really sorry you're going through this when it's supposed to be such a happy time for you =( But what she's done is done and I think it's important for her to know how much it hurt you, but also to not dwell on it and focus on staying happy and stress-free for the baby. It really sucks that she went and told everyone, but like Lori said, next time you'll know. Or if you feel like it'll hurt her if you do tell her last next time, then maybe just hold out on telling her until you're ready to tell everyone else? Then she can be one of the firsts to know since you're holding it from other ppl too? Either way, I hope she understands and I hope you feel better!
I agree. I'm sorry she is being like this.
UGH! I'm SO SORRY! I'm mad at her for you too!
I don't have anything else to add, just that pp had good advice. (And SS's post made me laugh, and I needed that today
)
this. i would be beyond furious. i hope she apologies...hugs.
i'm late to the party...
but yeah i hear you. i told my fam not to say anything either. and my dad told some folks. my sister winked at some folks and instructed them to look at me, and my mom told some folks.
soooo... at a family party this past sunday, EVERYONE knew. and people i'm not close to were coming up to me saying "congratulations." which was ugh. 'cause i didn't want to tell people until 12 weeks. but i was too nauseous and running to the bathroom to even care anymore =( it still upsets me though...
jaime is right. the last thing your mom said is completely childish. it's mean and it's her way of getting attention. ugh.
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