3 months today....update
Hi all...
I know I have dropped out of sight lately...and I'm sorry that I have not been around to offer happy words to those of you with good updates 
I just needed a place to write or share...thank you for letting me
Today marks the 3 month mark since we had to return baby K to birth parents. 3 months....I can't believe it has been so long. It feels like yesterday...but also an eternity at times.
Still never heard words back from agency in over 2 months, when staff wrote to tell us they would try to find us some aid or support...and never wrote or contacted us again. Sigh.
We see from online county records that birth father is continuing to divorce birth mother and they are working out that arrangement with kids, etc. It gives us some comfort to know birth father continues to want Baby K so much that he took action as soon as he knew of her existance and continues to do so. Not much comfort...but we try to find comfort where we can.
DS continues to do great. Baby K's room is officially a playroom, full of Cars, Toy Story and other happy 100% boy items. That has helped.
I never have found a counselor that was a good match or helpful...I always have just felt horribly worse after a session.
We are having a rough spot now, with family and friends around us having luck with pregnancies and unplanned ones as well. That is tough. DH maintains decision to not adopt again. I have been second guessing it....but know it is probably in DS best interest not to take that chance with his feelings and emotional well being again. Still....I am dying for a 2nd child....knowing we probably will not get to try again.
Anyway....I know I have been absent and will try to be back in the fold to celebrate your successes and happy news!!!
Re: 3 months today....update
I'm so sorry for all that you are going through. I can understand your DH being worried about adopting again; maybe that will change in the future. Maybe all of the pain is too fresh right now.
Hi Art teacher
I think it is DS best interest, and probably all of ours, to maintain decision not to try again. We certainly don't trust the agency we had been working with anymore. I just need to find a way to make peace with decision not to try again....It is hard when we had become a 2 child home...to get used to 1 child and only 1 child ever again.
I do think it is best we don't try again, sadly...just hard to get used to idea.
Maybe just with time....it will be easier to have peace with the decision. I hope so!!
Hope you and your family are good!!
I say just give yourself more time to grieve before making that "total" decision. You never know where your heart might lead you. Although, no one is in your shoes so only you will ever truly know what to do. I think about you often and the trials of daily life that you must go through. I hope that one day soon you and dh can find the answers that you so desperately need.
Crazy thought: I don't know if this would ever be an option but I'm all one for closure. Would it be bad to try and contact the BF in a few months just so you could see her? I know that might seem like it would make it worse but then maybe you could see how she's being treated by him etc.....
Well, I hope that things do get easier and you find peace with it all. It's certainly a hard decision.