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JillRock96
member
Oh my -- MORTIFIED today.
JillRock96
member
What a miserable afternoon.
DH works for a very small school (alternative high school) with a very close-knit staff. There is a couple that works at his school that are just wonderful people -- so kind, and they love our girls. The husband is a quadriplegic and has a very large, high-tech wheelchair (it's actually very cool -- he can use his breath to move around by himself, turn lights on and off, etc.). Anyway, Ava has met him many times before, but hasn't seen him in quite awhile.
They threw an awesome staff pool party this afternoon. I was so looking forward to it, as I love Dave's coworkers, and they all just gush over the girls. The second we arrived and Ava saw the wheelchair, she started screaming. She was TERRIFIED -- so upset that she couldn't calm herself down. I managed to get her to stop for about 15 minutes while we were in the pool. Other than that, screaming and clinging to me. She has never acted like that about anything before! It was so bad that we actually had to leave the party, and she didn't calm down until we were in the car on the way home. Of course I felt awful that Ava was so scared, but I also felt completely mortified and embarrassed. This guy loves kids so much and is so good to us and our kids. 
I just feel awful. I don't know if I should continue to bring Ava to DH's school functions so that she gets exposure to him and his chair or if I should just keep her away until she is older.
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Re: Oh my -- MORTIFIED today.
First, I have to tell you it broke my heart to read this post - I know I would feel the same way and be in the same dilemma! I feel so bad for you and for your DH's coworker.
But I think probably the best thing to do would be to continue to expose her to him so she considers it normal and not scary. I think that's very important, for him AND for her. I'm sure he understands, even if it was disappointing for him.
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Awwww. I'm so sorry. The guy probably understands, he has to, I mean, it's not like you taught her to be scared of his wheelchair.
They seem like a sweet family and they will just let it slide off their back. I wouldn't keep her away, the more she's around it, I think the more she will get used to it. Poor Ava and poor you.:(
Ditto this. Seasoul said it well (as always:) ).
I grew up with a mentally handicapped cousin and a grandpa with one are (he has not right arm or shoulder-bone cancer). It is nothing to me, I don't think about it until I notice people stare (mostly kids). My grandpa is a nut. WHen kids ask about it he either says, "it went to the beach" or "what, it's gone? His name is Fred, let me know if you find him!" It always leaves my mom completely embarrassed and I'm always laughing, I love my grandpa
I would make her a book using pics from the internet (or pics of people you know) of people in wheelchairs (you could use other adaptive equipment as well or people with other disabilities) to help explain to her that it's normal for some people to sit in these chairs and use them to get around. I'm thinking something like this...
"Sally wears glasses to help her see (include pic of someone in glasses, could be from internet or someone you know). Johnny hurt his leg and has to use crutches to help him walk (again include another picture). Sam uses a wheelchair to help him get around..."
Oh Jill that's such a sad story.
I'm sure he understands. If it were me, I'd have DH talk to him about it to clear the air. I'm sure it will be a little uncomfortable, but I think better than pretending it didn't happen. And I'd propose bringing Ava to see him again in a quiet setting with just you guys. Try talking to her in advance, maybe showing her pictures. Maybe if she can just be in the room with him but not forced to be too close she will be able to observe from afar. I'd encourage her to be curious about the chair. Basically, I think being direct is the best approach for a situation like this. I hope you can get her past this and everyone can have fun together. What a tough situation.
I think mhop has an excellent idea, and I think risper's idea of seeing him again in a less overwhelming environment would be helpful too.