It's my first week back at work and it's been rough. At the end of the day, I'd had to go to the bathroom to cry since I looked at facebook for the first time and saw my friend's beautiful baby with her update that they were going camping. Our daughters would have been only 5 mos apart, so we had talked about all going camping together.
Anyway, I get on the crowded subway to go home and realize I'll have to stand since there are no seats (another reminder that I'm no longer pregnant, since just a few weeks ago, someone would have offered me their seat). Then I realize I'm standing right in front of a woman seated with a beautiful, little baby in a Moby wrap - which was the wrap I had put on our wishlist. I started tearing up. Then next to her sitting is a young woman with dark brown hair that's my color and green eyes the same shade as DH, a combination I had always thought would be lovely. Meanwhile, I'll never know what color hair or eyes my baby would have had. And I'm thinking all this while trying not to start sobbing in the middle of the subway, but I couldn't keep the tears from falling.