Hi Everyone. I dont really know whether I belong here or not, but I wanted to look for support and share my story. I have been anorexic for as long as i can remember but for the most part my physical health has been okay. the worst came when i lost my period for 5 years. in 2007, assuming i was infertile because i hadn't had a period in 5 years, i learned i was pregnant with my boyfriend's baby (i knew we'd marry one day at that point). we'd both accepted that we many never have children of our own due to my health issues. we were stunned when i got pregnant. and unprepared. sadly, only a few weeks later, i learned that i had an enlarged yolk sac and a missed miscarriage. i had a d&c on march 30, 2007. i was told that it was due to chromosomal abnormality and not to my disorder. i've been really motivated to care for myself to prepare for having a child one day. we've longed for a baby ever since and planned to start trying during our then totally unplanned honeymoon. we just got married this past june and our dream came true- i came home pregnant. we found the bfp on july 11. since then i've had a lot of spotting. some pregnancy symptoms, but spotting. the doctor (a new doctor, not the one i adore who gave me my d&c- i've since moved) has basically told me that it's probably okay and we can't really know anything until my first prenatal appointment. today my spotting went from brown to pink and i'm experiencing some cramping. i'm just terrified. i have a really awful feeling in my gut that this baby may not be viable. pregnancy after a loss is so much harder than i thought it could ever be. i grieved for our loss for so long and it's all coming back to me now as we go through this. i feel so hopeless, alone, and scared. my now husband is trying so hard to take care of me, but i can't explain to him how it feels to have this happening inside me. and i dont knwo what to say to help him- he is scared and sad too. i am truly so sorry for all of your losses. i am deeply saddened by your stories, but i am also inspired by your candor and honesty. thank you for listening.