I'm so anxious and impatient about this whole process. I'm constantly hoping that the days & weeks fly by to get closer to O day or test day.
I feel like I'm going to look back in 25 years and realized that I didn't even enjoy my 20s, a time where DH & I are both young, active, healthy (well, besides the whole can't-get-pg thing), and financially stable.
I feel like this should be the time of our lives. I'm going to want this time back when I' m older and I feel like all I do is wish it away and hope the weeks go by fast.
Re: I feel like I'm wishing my life away.
I feel like I stopped living my life the minute we lost our baby last May. We moved into our first home, moved closer to friends and family, and it's like I haven't been a part of any of it.
I know exactly what you mean.
:::hugs:::
You're not alone on this one. DH & I realized this around our first wedding anniversary this past April. Both of our losses were in the latter 6 months of that year, so I think that made it even moreso.
Now, we try really hard to go out and do more of things we enjoy and create more memories. Might sound silly, but we have to try, otherwise the work weeks just blur our lives together. We've taken a lot more weekends away and try to do some fun stuff at least once during the week. It's also an attempt at distracting from the TTC.
Missed m/c 11.09 | Missed m/c 3.10 | We miss you & love you so.
~ ~ ~
Formerly toddandjulie
I had those same thoughts last night.
(((hugs)))
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle!
April 2011 CP @ 5 weeks
MTHFR 2 copies of C677t mutation homozygous 2/2010
Baby A born via c-section 1/10/12 @38w3d
BFP #1 11/4/09 m/c 4w3d baby crab
BFP #2 12/4/09 m/c 9w3d baby lion
BFP #3 7/1/10 m/c 4w1d baby fish
BFP #4 5/8/11
BFP #5 8/17/12 10dpo beta 7
Lindsay - that is exactly how I feel.
It scared me last weekend when I realized I was 26, and have already been at this for 2 years. Where the hell did my "youth" go? My whole life seems to revolve around Dr's appointments, medications, BFN's, pregnancy loss, how to avoid pregnant people.
What's sad, is I can't remember how life was before this.
I'm sad that the majority of mine and BF's relationship has been all about this.
I feel the same way. Since we started seeing the RE it seems like each passing month is a month of counting, waiting, and disappointment. After losing the boys it has gotten worse. We do try very hard to put it aside and try to enjoy little things here and there. We have chosen to not put off vacations because of treatments and had to stop or cancel mid cycle to make sure we could enjoy ourselves.
It is so hard to not think about it though...even when you are telling yourself to enjoy and not worry/stress. Starting a family is what we all want more than anything...and to me...until that happens...they really are just days filled with wanting and waiting.
((hugs))
The worst part for me (it KILLS me) is that DH & I weren't originally planning to TTC until the summer of 2011 (next summer). We started waaay earlier than planned b/c we both realized how much we wanted to be parents and we were financially stable.
Now, I can't help but think that if we had stuck to our original plan, I'd be blissfully enjoying a wonderful summer right now. I'd literally be having the time of my life.
But instead, this.
BFP 12/18/2009. HB 1/4/2010. NO HB 1/18/2010. D&C 1/19/2010
April 2011 IUI #1 BFN. High FSH and other issues.
May 2011 Chose to build our family through adoption
September 2011 Actively waiting for a match
11/26/11 Surprise BFP * DD born 7/23/12
I so know what you mean. The day we found out about LO completely changed everything for us. When my mom died I'd say that I had a life before she died, and now I have a completely different one since. It's the same thing with this loss. I can literally imagine my life completely changing gears that day in the hospital. And it scares me but also comforts me in a way. Like, of course my life is different. Of course it is.
I get what you're saying about not living life the way you used to and/or should. I'm trying to deal with that, too.
this exactly
Jenn
3 IUI's all BFN
IVF#1 BFN IVF#2 BFP, loss at 19 weeks FET#1 BFN IVF#3 BFP, m/c FET#2 BFN
Missing our twins Zachary and Madison, lost at 19 weeks on 11/13/09, edd 4/9/10
BFP 7/17/10, m/c 7/25/10, edd 3/25/11
Ectopic, lost left tube 4/20/11, edd 12/6/11
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