TTC After a Loss 6 Months+

I feel like I'm wishing my life away.

I'm so anxious and impatient about this whole process. I'm constantly hoping that the days & weeks fly by to get closer to O day or test day.

I feel like I'm  going to look back in 25 years and realized that I didn't even enjoy my 20s, a time where DH & I are both young, active, healthy (well, besides the whole can't-get-pg thing), and financially stable.

I feel like this should be the time of our lives. I'm going to want this time back when I' m older and I feel like all I do is wish it away and hope the weeks go by fast. 

 

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Re: I feel like I'm wishing my life away.

  • I feel like I stopped living my life the minute we lost our baby last May. We moved into our first home, moved closer to friends and family, and it's like I haven't been a part of any of it.

    I know exactly what you mean.

    :::hugs:::

  • You totally read my mind Lindsay
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  • I think about that too.  I keep trying to remind myself to live in the moment and enjoy the things I'm doing, but it's definitely hard. 
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  • exactly! I feel like my life is lived in CD's,  2ww, waiting to O instead of just living it for living it...
  • You're not alone on this one.  DH & I realized this around our first wedding anniversary this past April.  Both of our losses were in the latter 6 months of that year, so I think that made it even moreso. 

    Now, we try really hard to go out and do more of things we enjoy and create more memories.  Might sound silly, but we have to try, otherwise the work weeks just blur our lives together.  We've taken a lot more weekends away and try to do some fun stuff at least once during the week.  It's also an attempt at distracting from the TTC.

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    Missed m/c 11.09 | Missed m/c 3.10 | We miss you & love you so.
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  • I had those same thoughts last night.

     

    (((hugs)))

    image
  • Same here.  I wish there was a way to change it, because we're only young once....it's sad, but seemingly unavoidable in our situation.  Another ball sucky aspect of all of this.
    Connor Thomas 6/6/08. Discovered missed miscarriage at 17 wks 3 days, D&C 11/25/09. Please, please, please - BFP 5/21/11, EDD 2/1/11. Beta@12DPO=52, Beta@14DPO=158. U/S 7/7/11 shows strong baby measuring a couple days ahead!!! Pregnancy Ticker
  • I totally get that.  I feel like I've been in a cave or something for the last two years.  I don't want to go out and have a drink with friends, because what if??  I've either been hiding from pg people, scared of people because they might ask about our loss, or else worried that something might hurt our chances.  I've finally "woken up" this summer and am trying to enjoy it and get out more.  I haven't told DH yet, but if we aren't KTFU by next spring I'm building a demolition derby car to run next summer, screw ttc, I'm going to have a great time.
    imageimage
    Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle!
    April 2011 CP @ 5 weeks
  • jen629jen629 member
    I do this too ...every cycle waiting for Af then waiting for 2ww then hoping for BFP  it is constantly on my mind
    Hold On ....Michael Buble
    MTHFR 2 copies of C677t mutation homozygous 2/2010
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    BFP #4 5/8/11
    BFP #5 8/17/12 10dpo beta 7
  • Lindsay - that is exactly how I feel.

    It scared me last weekend when I realized I was 26, and have already been at this for 2 years. Where the hell did my "youth" go? My whole life seems to revolve around Dr's appointments, medications, BFN's, pregnancy loss,  how to avoid pregnant people.

    What's sad, is I can't remember how life was before this. 

    I'm sad that the majority of mine and BF's relationship has been all about this. 

    Stillbirth at 23w6d on Sept, 22, 2008 M/C at 5 weeks June 14, 2010 My miracle, James Frederick born May 2, 2011 via C-section
  • I feel the same way.  Since we started seeing the RE it seems like each passing month is a month of counting, waiting, and disappointment.  After losing the boys it has gotten worse.  We do try very hard to put it aside and try to enjoy little things here and there.  We have chosen to not put off vacations because of treatments and had to stop or cancel mid cycle to make sure we could enjoy ourselves.

    It is so hard to not think about it though...even when you are telling yourself to enjoy and not worry/stress.  Starting a family is what we all want more than anything...and to me...until that happens...they really are just days filled with wanting and waiting.

    ((hugs)) 

  • The worst part for me (it KILLS me) is that DH & I weren't originally planning to TTC until the summer of 2011 (next summer). We started waaay earlier than planned b/c we both realized how much we wanted to be parents and we were financially stable. 

    Now, I can't help but think that if we had stuck to our original plan, I'd be blissfully enjoying a wonderful summer right now. I'd literally be having the time of my life. 

    But instead, this. 

     

     

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  • I completely understand what you're feeling. ((hugs))

    BFP 12/18/2009. HB 1/4/2010. NO HB 1/18/2010. D&C 1/19/2010
    April 2011 IUI #1 BFN. High FSH and other issues.
    May 2011 Chose to build our family through adoption
    September 2011 Actively waiting for a match
    11/26/11 Surprise BFP * DD born 7/23/12 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I so know what you mean.  The day we found out about LO completely changed everything for us.  When my mom died I'd say that I had a life before she died, and now I have a completely different one since.  It's the same thing with this loss.  I can literally imagine my life completely changing gears that day in the hospital.  And it scares me but also comforts me in a way.  Like, of course my life is different.  Of course it is. 

    I get what you're saying about not living life the way you used to and/or should.  I'm trying to deal with that, too. 

    BFP#1 10/19/09, m/c 12/5/09, BFP#2 2/03/12, m/c 2/12/12, BFP#3 3/18/13, LO born 11/22/13

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  • I know what you mean. I have been doing that the last 2 years and I'm no closer than I was before we started trying. I have been llving in 2 week intervals for a long time.
    TTC Since Oct 08 BFP #1- 1/23/09, missed m/c 2/26/09 BFP #2- 9/8/09, natural m/c 9/16/09 BFP #3- 4/13/10, missed m/c 5/26/10 BFP #4- 4/6/11 beta#1 at 12dpo-133 prog-55.7, beta#2 at 16dpo- 861 DD born 12/8/2011 BFP#5- 11/23/12 EDD 7/25/13 Dx- Uterine septum (removed Aug 2010), endo, MTHFR C677t hetero, Factor II hetero, Low Protein S Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • i definitely feel the same way.  it's like rush-rush-rush so we can either try again or test etc... i hope we're not wasting our days away over TTC.  ::sigh::
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic 8.15.07 NATHAN 6.13.09 - 6.14.09 WYATT born 32w3d Gone too soon, RIP. 4.21.10 BFP - missed m/c - D&C on 5.27.10. 1.31.11 BFP - 1st cycle IUI + Follistim + Trigger (2 mature follies)Beta 1 @ 13dpiui: 199 Beta 2 @ 15dpiui: 527 10.7.11 ELIANA(Ellie)ROSE (39w3d)Team Green turned Team Pink - VBAC & ALL NATURAL 6lbs 11oz 19 &1/2in
  • imageColindaP:
    You totally read my mind Lindsay

    this exactly

  • I am with you. We haven't taken a real vacation in so long. Seems like I am always thinking what if I am pregnant. Sucked today when one of my cousins asked why I haven't visited in awhile. We used to always go to Florida, but haven't taken many trips lately. I would like to plan more trips and am going to start doing that.

    Jenn

    image 3 IUI's all BFN

    IVF#1 BFN IVF#2 BFP, loss at 19 weeks FET#1 BFN IVF#3 BFP, m/c FET#2 BFN

    Missing our twins Zachary and Madison, lost at 19 weeks on 11/13/09, edd 4/9/10

    BFP 7/17/10, m/c 7/25/10, edd 3/25/11

    Ectopic, lost left tube 4/20/11, edd 12/6/11

    my blog

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